Category Weekend Writing Warriors

Effing Feline bestows forgiveness

I, Effing Feline, returned from Toronto and began my search for a mouse — any mouse, just one little mouse so I could earn the glorious title of Good Mouser. In case you’ve forgotten, this was my plan: Scatter the cheese all over the house.  You know, for bait. Rip apart the couch cushions to see […]

Effing Feline cleans up

I, Effing Feline, have little time to write today. Too busy cleaning up for Christmas, since all four of Mr V’s children will be home for the holidays and I don’t want them to think I neglect my fur.  Here’s a picture of me, bathing: Since next Sunday is Christmas, this will be my last post […]

Effing Feline has no time for furballs

I, Effing Feline, have been madly shredding paper this week.  It’s part of the free document shredding service I discussed last week. I have ten boxes of paper to shred, so business is looking good … sort of. I have to find some cats willing to pay me to claw the papers to shreds. That’s the […]

Effing Feline thinks warm thoughts

I, Effing Feline, write this weekly column on behalf of my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, aka Mr Valentine. Mr V’s pretty happy this week, because one of his sons is visiting from some place called Canada. That’s even farther north than Phoenix, I think. Up there, houses are heated, instead of cooled. Those people have the right idea! Today’s snippet […]

Effing Feline distrusts chuckling seniors

I, Effing Feline, post this weekly column on behalf of my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, aka Mr Valentine. My cousin Lee, who lives in a zoo, read about the weight gain I mentioned in last week’s post, and sent me a picture of him to inspire me. Thanks, Lee! I feel thinner just looking at you. Today’s snippet […]

Effing Feline has new glasses

I, Effing Feline have new glasses. In this month of national celebrations, I’m taking no chances of upsetting anyone in the far-flung, utterly confused family of my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, aka Mr Valentine. Today’s snippet is from the short story, Thimbleriggers, contained in Future Love, Mr V’s brand new release. To pay for an expensive operation for her long-time husband, ninety-year-old […]

Effing Feline knows witchcraft when he sees it

I, Effing Feline, am smarter than humans. You’ve probably noticed that about me. Today is the 90th birthday of an aunt of my pet human, Ed Hoornaert. She and her husband recently celebrated their 71st wedding anniversary . . . sort of like Kathy in the short story Thimbleriggers. Mr V insists that’s pure coincidence, since he wrote the […]

Effing Feline spontaneously combusts

I, Effing Feline, would wish all the dads out there a happy Father’s Day, but my paws are too slippery and sweaty to type. Depending on which forecast you believe, it’ll be either 114, 116, or 117 degrees today.  We poor cats sweat only through the pads of our feet, which is pathetically inadequate for surviving inside […]