Category Secrets of Love and War

Effing Feline wants to delete pictures

I, Effing Feline, told you that the neighbors have a new kitten. A so-called cute kitten, though in truth she’s as ugly as a puppy.  Yesterday, Mrs V made things worse. When the kitten jumped onto the wall separating the yard, she took her cellphone outside to take pictures of the kitten. This means war, […]

Effing Feline gets the bird

I, Effing Feline, dreamt I chased a bird — and caught it! I don’t know how I got outside.  That’s the way of dreams, you know?  Birds love the olive tree with seven trunks outside our floor-to-ceiling window, and in my dream I saw the world’s biggest bird sitting in the tree.  I leaped.  Extended […]

Effing Feline celebrates Canada Day

I, Effing Feline, wish you a happy Canada Day. What’s that you say? You didn’t know July 1 is Canada Day? And you know nothing about Canada? In truth, there’s only one thing you need to know. It’s cold, so there are radiators. We cats love radiators. Today, another snippet from Ed’s WIP, Secrets of Love […]

Effing Feline is sleepy

I, Effing Feline, am exhausted.  You see, I stayed up all night kneading my claws on Ed’s leg and chasing a ping-pong ball around his bedroom and playing with him by jumping on the bed to enjoy his startled yelps.  Now, in the glare of daylight, I’m typing this with one eye half open. Today, […]

Effing Feline remembers dad

I, Effing Feline, am taking a break from improving improvements to the English language, but I promise I’ll return to the topic.  Instead, I want to dedicate today’s post to the best cat-goned cat I ever met: Tom.  My dad. Sniff.  Dear old dad. He went out like a true hero, like a true CAT, […]

Effing Feline improves English

I, Effing Feline, decreed last week that CATastrophe should become DOGtastrophe. The world listened — of course! A Google search yields 2,680 results — and if you don’t believe me, Google it yourself. Building on my success, I hereby decree that: cataclysm is now dogaclysm catatonic is now dogatonic caterwaul is now doggerwaul Expect more improvements […]

Effing Feline dislikes catastrophes

I, Effing Feline, resent all the negative words that begin with CAT, like CATastrophe. How dare you humans conflate puddy tats with disaster! I propose a long overdue change.  Henceforth, CATastrophe, shall be DOGtastrophe. I expect all of you to implement this change immediately, using search-and-replace to correct this word in all your manuscripts. In […]

Effing Feline has the heart of a Jedi

I, Effing Feline, sniffed the stench of skepticism and, worse, condescension about my post last week, explaining the feline origins of Star Wars. Woe unto ye of little faith — more proof follows this advertisement for my human pet’s WIP, tentatively titled Secrets of Love and War. Cynthia O’Connor is accompanying a youthful alien clan sister, […]

Effing Feline loves the original Star Wars

I, Effing Feline, find today’s snippet inspiring. Invading an alien world … sigh.  My fur rises at the very idea.  I’m sure the invading spaceships in the snippet are being flown by fearsome felines. After all, everybody knows that George Lucas stole the idea for Star Wars from cats. Here’s the inspiring snippet from Ed’s […]

Effing Feline honors his mum

I, Effing Feline, want to honor my mummie. Problem is, I don’t really remember her. Based on the best evidence I have, though — namely her offspring, ME — I can extrapolate what she must look like.  Strong, noble, powerful, like so: Today, another snippet from Secrets of Love and War, Mr V’s current WIP. We’re continuing where […]