Category Effing Feline

Effing Feline likes Halloween costumes #wewriwa

I, Effing Feline, think October is the best month. Why? Because Halloween gives you humans a chance to do what you should be doing every month — pretend you’re something else. Like . . . oh, perhaps — a cat? How very wise, for once! This will be the last snippet from Ed’s newest release, […]

Effing Feline, astronaut #wewriwa

I, Effing Feline, love the picture of me atop this post. I’m flying serenely through outer space, with a galaxy surrounding my head like a saint’s halo. You see, cats — or at least magnificent, extra-special cats like me — don’t spaceships. Or spacesuits. Or even oxygen. No! All I need is my own splendor! […]

Effing Feline is frustrated #wewriwa

I, Effing Feline, am frustrated. Maybe you are, too. Maybe, like me, you’ve noticed the utter lack of romance books about cats. It’s disgusting. I’m not talking about stories with cats as pets or sidekicks. I’m talking about love stories of and for cat. Many of your people are writers. Take note of this absurdly […]

Effing Feline gives you orders #wewriwa

I, Effing Feline, came across an extremely disturbing image on the Web. It contains secret knowledge that you humans are not supposed to know. I hereby order you to forget this image. That’s an order! We cats want you to know that we value you and are your obedient pets. Nothing more, got that? We […]

Effing Feline puts on a bra #wewriwa

I, Effing Feline, am on vacation. Humans usually mispronounce that word: it should be vay-CAT-yon. I’m visiting my cousin Lee, whom you probably know is a lion. Though he’s terrifying to behold, he’s mellowed lately because of his new girlfriend. He’s just a big ol’ puddytat these days, purring all the time. Check out the […]

Effing Feline yawns #wewriwa

Ed’s latest book, Alien Contact for Runaway Moms, is now available It may be alive, but I, Effing Feline, yawn. Tell me, what difference does this novel make to me, a cat? Sure, sex and violence are supposed to sell, and the book has sex: female-controlled kisses an offer of a blow job young people […]

Effing Feline ain’t here #wewriwa

I, Twiggles the Dog, am filling  in for Effing Feline. He’s unable to write this week. Last week, Effing told you he was expecting a visit from his cousin, Lee.  Lee is a lion. The last time he visited, Effing got tired of him eating all the cat food. So he called the zoo. They […]

Effing Feline worries about Cousin Lee #wewriwa

I, Effing Feline, am expecting a visitor soon — my cousin Lee.  While I admire Lee, for some reason he makes me feel small. Any cat except me would be scared of Lee, but not me! But I’m a big enough cat to admit I’m a wee bit anxious about the last time we met. You […]

Effing Feline advocates nudism #wewriwa

I, Effing Feline, never wear clothes. Why should I? Is not my form perfection? And if it’s good enough for a superior being like me, why is it not good enough for humans? I suspect the answer has something to do with humans’ regrettable lack of fur, which leaves them so pitiably vulnerable to weather […]

Effing Feline wants to walk #8sunday #wewriwa

I, Effing Feline, am twitching my tail on the window sill, watching Twiggles the dog go outside for a walk. I don’t see why I never get to go outside, too. Forget the collar and leash, though. Undignified. We would need to go where I want to go, not down to the stupid park where […]