Category Effing Feline

Effing Feline dodges furballs

I, Effing Feline, had to put my search for mice, begun last week, on ice. Literally. You see, Mr V flew me to Toronto to visit son #3, aka Brett. Did you know that dandruff can fall from the sky? So much dandruff, in fact, that Ed had to shovel it off the sidewalk. This raises […]

Effing Feline searches for mice

I, Effing Feline, really loved last week’s practice for catching mice. I’m ready for the real thing; all I have to do is find a mouse. Here’s my plan: Swipe a bag of shredded cheddar from the fridge and scatter the cheese all over the house.  You know, for bait. Rip apart all the couch cushions to […]

Effing Feline practices catching mice

I, Effing Feline, got some Stern but useful advice from one of you last week. When I complained about have no mice to catch, Caitlin said: “There’s always toy mice, Effing. Good practice!” But when I crawled under the love seat to retrieve my catnip mouse, I discovered Ed the Pet Human was right: I need […]

Effing Feline contemplates eating mice

I, Effing Feline, wonder if you can tell me: do mice taste good? You see, Twiggles the Dog tells me (and Google confirms) cats are supposed to catch and eat mice. The phrase ‘good mouser’ is high praise for a feline.  However, my pet human allows no mice in his house, so how can I earn […]

Effing Feline is a toasted marshmallow

I, Effing Feline, fear that I may have given my gentle readers the idea I’m mean, ill tempered, narcissistic, and cantankerous. A devil cat, so to speak. Nothing could be more wrong! Truly, I am sweet, lovable, purrfect, a veritable saint of a cat. I never scratch, or pee outside the box, or speak ill […]

Effing Feline Protests

I, Effing Feline, protest! I hate the way humans use words for cats in degrading and humiliating ways. A slut is someone with the morals of an alley cat. A coward is a scaredy cat.  This is insulting and I won’t put up with it.  That rumbling noise you hear is not a purr.  It’s a […]

Effing Feline never admits guilt

I, Effing Feline, refuse to admit any wrongdoing. It’s the Russians’ fault. Maybe the Chinese. They must’ve  hacked my account. Trust me on this! You see, every once in a while I’m willing to obey the rules and include the information about Weekend Writing Warriors that I’m supposed to — but I haven’t done it […]

Effing Feline loves pink

I, Effing Feline, thank you for your suggestions regarding songs about cats.  I am now prepared to reveal my new favorite cat song.  Because I am, of course, a powerful, heroic puss cat, I have not restricted myself to songs about domestic shorthairs.  My new favorite is . . . Are you ready? It’s a song […]

Effing Feline is, of course, priceless

I, Effing Feline, have been talking about music lately. Today I’d like to discuss one of my favorites, How much is that doggie in the window?  The common misconception is that it’s about a cute little puppy. Wrong!  It’s really cat propaganda, designed to subtly convince humans that canines like Twiggles the dog can be bought […]

Effing Feline sings heroic songs

I, Effing Feline, talked about my least favorite music last week, but I never got around to sharing my favorites. I don’t have many, and I’m sure you can understand why.  Most songs are about people not cats, which is ridiculous, and to make matters worse, music playback devices are all designed for human hands, […]