Category Effing Feline

Effing Feline celebrates earth day

I, Effing Feline, love Earth Day. I love to gaze out the window at our beautiful Earth. I love the birds and the lizards, especially, the birds, and I dream of getting outside so I can catch and scratch and maul Mother Earth’s lovely creatures! Today, another selection from The Trial of Tompa Lee. Tompa’s trial […]

Effing Feline sleeps

I, Effing Feline, enjoyed a vacation this week. No typing. No fighting with my editors. You see, Ed was in hospital for five days, and without my hard taskmaster, I did what cats do best. I slept. Today, another selection from The Trial of Tompa Lee. Navy policeman Dante Roussel has turned Tompa Lee over […]

Effing Feline thanks a dog

I, Effing Feline, got in trouble AGAIN. Not fair; I was just trying to make up for scratching the couch when I put the prickly pear pads under my pet humans’ pillows. Now I have to make up for the prickles, too. Poor me! Twiggles the Dog apologized, because she’s the one who suggested the […]

Effing Feline makes amends

I, Effing Feline, want to make amends. Last week I told you how Mrs V got mad at me for tearing up a cushion. I’ve wracked my brain, trying to think what I can do to make it up to her. If I had enough money, I could buy her flowers, but I don’t. All my […]

Effing Feline bestows forgiveness

I, Effing Feline, returned from Toronto and began my search for a mouse — any mouse, just one little mouse so I could earn the glorious title of Good Mouser. In case you’ve forgotten, this was my plan: Scatter the cheese all over the house.  You know, for bait. Rip apart the couch cushions to see […]

Effing Feline dodges furballs

I, Effing Feline, had to put my search for mice, begun last week, on ice. Literally. You see, Mr V flew me to Toronto to visit son #3, aka Brett. Did you know that dandruff can fall from the sky? So much dandruff, in fact, that Ed had to shovel it off the sidewalk. This raises […]

Effing Feline searches for mice

I, Effing Feline, really loved last week’s practice for catching mice. I’m ready for the real thing; all I have to do is find a mouse. Here’s my plan: Swipe a bag of shredded cheddar from the fridge and scatter the cheese all over the house.  You know, for bait. Rip apart all the couch cushions to […]

Effing Feline practices catching mice

I, Effing Feline, got some Stern but useful advice from one of you last week. When I complained about have no mice to catch, Caitlin said: “There’s always toy mice, Effing. Good practice!” But when I crawled under the love seat to retrieve my catnip mouse, I discovered Ed the Pet Human was right: I need […]

Effing Feline contemplates eating mice

I, Effing Feline, wonder if you can tell me: do mice taste good? You see, Twiggles the Dog tells me (and Google confirms) cats are supposed to catch and eat mice. The phrase ‘good mouser’ is high praise for a feline.  However, my pet human allows no mice in his house, so how can I earn […]

Effing Feline is a toasted marshmallow

I, Effing Feline, fear that I may have given my gentle readers the idea I’m mean, ill tempered, narcissistic, and cantankerous. A devil cat, so to speak. Nothing could be more wrong! Truly, I am sweet, lovable, purrfect, a veritable saint of a cat. I never scratch, or pee outside the box, or speak ill […]