Effing Feline likes punny gators #wewriwa

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, am as grouchy as a tarantula. Why? Because these days Ed is as grouchy as an alligator. Why? Because his writing is stuck.

Thing is, I don’t like gators. Not even gators wearing clothes . . .

. . . or glasses . . .

. . . or even, as it today’s snippet from Pandora Uncaged, a WIP by my pet human, a gator in pink.

Pandora filled a syringe with antibiotic liniment and pressed her palm to the panel that opened Harry’s cage. Then she went to hands and knees and crept into the cage. Harrison’s gators were rare here on Passion Island — this was the only one in captivity — so she’d had to learn by painful trial and error that Harry lashed his powerful tail at anything that loomed over him. If she kept her face at his level, though, he was a pussycat, and one of her favorite animals here at Quak.

As she treated the gator’s infections with the liniment, she chided him in a soothing voice. “Harry, Harry, I’m sorry to tell you the beauty sleep didn’t take. With a face like yours, how do you expect to find a nice lady gator once you’re well?”

She bent her ear close to his head. “What’s that you say? How do I know you aren’t a lady gator looking for a handsome guy?”

And a few more to finish the scene:

“Excellent question, Harry. I have no idea.”

Lying on her side and supporting her chin on a hand, she reached her other hand up to pet his/her head. The skin felt warm and loose, as though his hide were a size too big. She couldn’t tell if the gator liked the strokes, but she did.

“Tell you what. Tomorrow I’ll bring you a pretty pink ribbon, and if you’re female, I’ll tie it around your neck. Is that a deal?”

Effing Feline here again. You know that cats like puns, right? What’s that? You didn’t know? Well, we do, very much — especially with tartar sauce and lots of minced salmon. Thus, here’s one gator I do approve of:

Do you think if Ed threw an in-vest-igator into his story he might get unstuck?

Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

Pandora Uncaged

Pandora Dayle is her family’s black sheep. Ten years after running away from home, she’s rebuilt her self-respect at an isolated facility for saving animals native to her colony’s planet. Her redemption feels as fragile as a dream, but she’ll be okay if nothing traumatic happens.

But when the best friend from her innocent childhood arrives, her insecurities mushroom.

Aidan used to be Pandora’s best friend. Since his teen years, he’s held heroic jobs—police officer and now Search and Rescue leader. He adored innocent young Pandora so much he compares every woman to her idealized memory, and finds them wanting.

But when he rediscovers the real thing, she’s not at all what he expected.

Booker, a naïve Apprentice Cupid for a secret organization, receives his second assignment: get Pandora and Aidan to mate. They’d been close friends, so his strategy is simple: He flies Aidan to her island and orders him to impregnate Pandora.

What could possibly go wrong?

27 comments

  1. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    Wow, she’s lucky she survived the painful trial and error of getting to know that creature!

    Ed, I hope you have luck with your writing soon!

  2. She not only survived, she managed to appreciate the gator as one of her favorite animals.

  3. Trial and error? I wonder what kind of error that could’ve been that she’s still alive. But, I do like her possibly one sided friendship to this animal.

    1. What kind of error? Getting swept off her feet, knocked, in the pond, etc. Harry’s only ~6 feet long.

  4. Ouch! That’s so bad it’s hilarious.

    Sorry you’re stuck, Ed… but it happens to us all. Why not spend some time scratching Effing behind the ears? Very therapeutic, and I’m sure he’d love it…

    1. My burst of inspiration carried me through 2.75 books in this series. Then it . . . disappeared.

  5. LOL! Investa-gator! What a fun, unexpected conversation in this scene. Breathe, Ed. This too will pass. When you least expect it, expect that burst of imagination to come through for you!

    1. I wish my imagination had a better grasp of the story as a whole, rather than coughing up only scattered scenes from here and there.

  6. I’m loving being totally surrounded by gators. I’m voting for the pink ribbon. Really fun snippet (and photos).

    1. You’re surrounded by gators? Where shall we send the SWAT team to save you?

  7. Does Effing Feline know how to tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
    It’s easy peasy. One you see later, the other you’ll see in a while.
    Fun snippet.

    1. That’s a really bad pun, Sue. I love it!

  8. I wonder if Harry is thinking about lunch.
    Tweeted.

    1. Of course not. He’s thinking about that pink ribbon.

  9. She certainly has a way with the animals, kind of a Dr. Doolittle in space!

    Keep on keepin’ on, Ed. I find the best way to get over stuckness is to just keep stringing words together. Eventually they make sense again.

    1. Well, my words make sense. My story’s structure, though, doesn’t

  10. I don’t think I’d like to snuggle up to an alligator. They have big teeth.

    1. Remember, though, that this is a Harrison’s Pseudo Reptile, not a vicious Florida gator. That makes a difference.

  11. Well she’s certainly brave! Enjoyed the snippet and also the gator photos 🙂

    1. I suspect she wouldn’t agree. She thinks she’s just doing what needs to be done and nothing more.

  12. I’m not sure I want to know how she’s going to discover if Harry is male or female.

    I always have to have an outline so I’m rarely stuck like this, Ed. Maybe try writing the last scene now and working back from it? Wish I had better advice. 😦

    1. I’ve been working from an (admittedly scanty) outline, so I know what I had intended to write. However, I’ve written myself into a bit of a corner because the book’s two main threads aren’t coming together the way they should. Sigh.

  13. With a bad one like that, and as tall as Ed appears, he may get snapped at by Harry I fear.

    1. Actually, I’m the short one in my family — just 6’2″. We grow ’em tall in my neck of the woods.

  14. Elaine Cantrell · · Reply

    She’s a real animal lover. She didn’t give up on the gator and got to know him in the end.

    1. She’s one of those who likes animals better than people.

  15. Diane Burton · · Reply

    I’m not sure I’d get down on hands and knees and put my face close to an alligator’s mouth. Love the puns. Maybe you do need an investigator in your story. Good luck getting unstuck. Been there.

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