Effing Feline eats fastidiously #wewriwa

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, am a very neat, and careful eater, even for a cat. You’ll see why I mention this when you read today’s snippet from Pandora Uncaged, my pet human’s WIP.

In previous snippets, you’ve met the story’s main characters — Pandora (heroine with a murky past), Aidan (hero through and through), and Booker (a 7-foot tall apprentice cupid). Now you’ll meet some of the alien animals at the Colonial Wildlife Containment Center, aka CWCC or Quak.

It’s part animal hospital, part research facility. Unfortunately, the planet’s humans are too busy colonizing the planet to give full attention to the native creatures, so Quak is woefully understaffed. There’s no longer even a full-time director. Instead, Pandora, as Quak’s longest-term employee, is acting director.

Here we meet one species of native creature called slytherins. Pandora is calling them out to eat.

Round holes in the cage’s back wall came alive. Seven warm-blooded, two-foot long, otter-shaped beasts shot out of the dens and flattened their bodies to help them glide safely to the cage floor.

Well, almost safely. When they landed, they fell over each other in haste to get to their food. They slithered across the floor as though it was a race—and for them, it was.

The winning slytherin jumped into the food trough and rolled over, coating itself in gelatinous slop until its glossy, dun-colored fur was hidden. Other creatures leaped into the trough to lick the food off the first slytherin, which writhed in pleasure. Half the food splattered out, dirtying her clean floor. A slytherin leaped toward the splatter and rolled in it, spreading the mess farther.

Effing Feline here again. I want all of you to know that I find these creatures eating habits disgusting. One should eat fastidiously, shouldn’t one? And lick one’s own paws after eating?

Ed wants me to warn you that he may be dilatory in commenting on your posts this week. Life does sometimes intrude, it seems.

Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

Pandora Uncaged

Pandora Dayle is her family’s black sheep. Ten years after running away from home, she’s rebuilt her self-respect at an isolated facility for saving animals native to her colony’s planet. Her redemption feels as fragile as a dream, but she’ll be okay if nothing traumatic happens.

But when the best friend from her innocent childhood arrives, her insecurities mushroom.

Aidan used to be Pandora’s best friend. Since his teen years, he’s held heroic jobs—police officer and now Search and Rescue leader. He adored innocent young Pandora so much he compares every woman to her idealized memory, and finds them wanting.

But when he rediscovers the real thing, she’s not at all what he expected.

Booker, a naïve Apprentice Cupid for a secret organization, receives his second assignment: get Pandora and Aidan to mate. They’d been close friends, so his strategy is simple: He flies Aidan to her island and orders him to impregnate Pandora.

What could possibly go wrong?

40 comments

  1. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    They are definitely messy eaters! I wouldn’t want to have to clean up after them.

    1. And guess whose job it is to clean up after them?

  2. Very well described, although the scene seems a little “eww” for me … LOL

    1. But imagine taking your kids to see them a zoo. Would they these antics?

  3. Ack! No pet slytherins for me. lol Disgusting!

    Leo comes close when we’re out walking and he finds a pile of deer poop. Then he does his best imitation of slytherin behavior.

    Effing, you need to tell your pet human to write a book in which you are the main character. 🙂

    1. We used to have a dog who pulled that merde — pardon my French — with deer and moose droppings, but only if the droppings were fresh, soft and aromatic.

      I’ve never managed to come up with an Effing story. It seems to be beyond my imagination.

  4. Vivid… and only slightly disgusting…!

    1. The book features the slytherins’ aroma, which is also slightly disgusting. What can I say? I’m a guy.

  5. Diane Burton · · Reply

    Their eating habits leave a lot to be desired. LOL My 1st thought when you mentioned slytherins was Harry Potter.

    1. Where do you think I got the name for these beasts?

  6. nancygideon · · Reply

    It’s like feeding a toddler! Still, I’d love to watch them eat (as long as I don’t have to clean up!).

    1. I suspect they’d be quite entertaining to watch, especially if one were ten years old or younger.

  7. julieevelynjoyce · · Reply

    Lol the visual I’m getting of the feeding frenzy is equal parts creepy and cool. Okay, maybe slightly more creepy. Excellent writing, sir!

    1. Describing animals from an alien planet allowed my imagination a very loose leash.

  8. Those slytherins are having fun playing with their food. They are like otters.

    1. Any animal that people decided to call slytherins would have to have some disturbing habits. Either that, or be evil — but these critters are merely overly playful, not nasty.

  9. Great descriptions! I imagine taking care of these creatures is rather exasperating.

    1. Cleaning up after them is no fun, though Pandora has a soft sport in her heart for them.

  10. They’re messier eaters than my semi-feral friend White Shoes! At least that seems to be a sign they’re enjoying the food and not letting any go to waste.

    1. For slytherins, dinner time isn’t just about sustenance. It’s also about herd solidarity and social status. First one to the food gets to be a dinner platter!

  11. deesknight · · Reply

    What could possibly go wrong, indeed! This book sounds very interesting, Ed, as is the nature of all your books, I think. (I mean “interesting” in the very best way!)

    I’m with Effing Feline on the eating habits of the slitherins.

    1. I’m just glad none of my pets has eating habits like this.

  12. Slitherins have the perfect name! I can see the playful otter in them, and even sort of understand the feeding frenzy. I wonder how the one getting licked gets any nourishment? Still, really creative scene here, Ed! Something new under the sun?

  13. You can understand the feeding frenzy? Oh, Jenna . . . that’s not good!

  14. Racing for the opportunity to be the one to be eaten off of. Very intriguing. Great use of imagery though. Can see why it turned Effings stomach.

    1. Heck, even watching a dog eat turns Effing’s stomach.

  15. What a mess! Great imagery. I wanted to get a mop and clean up. lol

    1. Just so you weren’t inspired to put down the book while you mopped.

  16. Elaine Cantrell · · Reply

    It’s a feeding frenzy. Great imagery here.

    1. I thought back to otters at the zoo and took the antics a step or two further.

  17. My husband would go ballistic over the mess! Fortunately, we do not have to feed slytherins.

    1. Ah, you’re one of the lucky families without slytherins. Good for you.

  18. Like other commenters I also thought of Slytherin House in Harry Potter. Actually, the eww factor here works with the association. 🙂 Great mess.

    1. Once I’d chosen the beasts’ name, their antics came easily.

  19. I’m glad my cat eats a lot more neatly than that LOL. I think I’ll stick to terrestial pets after reading your excellent snippet!

    1. What, no more Pets in Space? Veronica, I’m sorry to have done this to you!

  20. They certainly have… unique… feeding habits. I wonder what and how they eat in the wild?

    1. Unique *and memorable* feeding habits. After all, unique and blah has no place in a novel!

  21. I could picture that whole scene. They sound dirty, but cute!

    1. Dirty, but cute . . . yeah that about sums them up.

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