Effing Feline wants to drive #wewriwa

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, went for a car ride this week — to the vet. Yuck! The visit went fine, though, just a checkup, so what I want to talk about are automobiles. Ed drove me there. Next time I have a checkup, I want to drive myself.

It seems pretty simple, with a few minor modifications. For example, a gas pedal extension so my paws can reach. Also a booster seat so I can see out the windshield. Uh . . . what’s that you say? I’d need a brake pedal extension, too? No way. I ain’t stopping for nothing. Outa my way, everyone!

I wouldn’t be the first cat to drive. I’ll prove it right after this message from my sponsor, The Saint of Quarantine Island.

Janet is still in the supposed saint’s  hotel room. She numb because she just learned about her husband’s infidelity — so numb she’s on autopilot, following impulses without thinking. Last week she started unzipping her dress.

She stood facing away from Carlisle, toward the dresser mirror. In the mirror, she watched his reaction to her unexpected move. Was that why she’d done it? To get a reaction?

His face betrayed nothing, but he was male, so he must have had something in mind when he let her come to his room, something more than just a drink of water and soothing her tears and changing his pants. But other than watching the skin revealed by the zipper, he gave no hint what the something was.

Franklin liked extravagant stripteases, the more blatant and explicit the better. She’d always been glad to oblige, glorying in her sexuality and eager to do anything to keep the marital bed hot so he wouldn’t stray.

For that reason, or more likely some other reason entirely, she gave Carlisle several seconds to study the flesh of her back, the thin strap of her bra, and the top of her half-slip. Then she waited a few seconds more. Anticipation was the soul of seduction, a truth she seemed to have been born knowing.

Effing Feline here again. You don’t believe me that cats can drive  Well, Ms Skeptical, here’s proof!

Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

The Saint of Quarantine Island

Maybe you’ve read about viruses that turn people into zombies. But how about a virus that turns people into madmen, some of whom become creative geniuses?

Spurred by her husband’s infidelity and haunted by abandoned aspirations, a suburban housewife smuggles herself into a wilderness quarantine. By catching the disease, she hopes to write a book that’ll redeem her empty life — and maybe, just maybe, she’ll find love with the man they call the Saint of Gilford Island. She’d once spent a memorable though oddly chaste night with him. Surely he’ll help her build a new life.

But exile on an island of madmen is crueler than any suburban daydream. Instead of a quiet writing retreat, she finds pirates who steal everything but the clothes on her back … an arrogant Cambridge scientist who wants to whisk her away to the London of an alternate Earth … a troubled Indian boy who becomes a surrogate son … a licentious cult leader who kidnaps her.

They’re all periodically insane then sane and back again – and so will she be, if she catches the Fireworks virus. Is writing a book really worth such a risk?

What about true love?



  1. I’m sure the roads would be much safer if cats were driving … not!
    Hope the Saint is doing well, Ed!

    1. Can you imagine the hazard for dogs? Yikes!

  2. It’s getting hot in there 🙂 I liked this one “His face betrayed nothing, but he was male”

    1. He’s a very self-contained guy.

  3. “Anticipation was the soul of seduction, a truth she seemed to have been born knowing.” This is an awesome line.

  4. Toonses! Thanks for the memory, Effing.

    That last line is a bombshell. Reveals so much about what is behind her strange behavior.

    1. Janet’s sexuality is a big component of her personality. Either that or, her drive has increased as she reaches menopause.

  5. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    She may have used stripteases to keep him from straying from their marriage, but those hadn’t worked in the end.

    1. One of the points the book makes is that sex alone does not a marriage make.

  6. LOVE this line – Anticipation was the soul of seduction, a truth she seemed to have been born knowing.


    1. I like it as well. Enough so that I used it as one of the quotations I used for promotional purposes. Here’s a link:

  7. Cathy Brockman · · Reply

    I wonder what he is waiting for.

    1. You have to wait till the end of the chapter to find out.

  8. There was her first clue he would stray, that she must do anything to keep him interested. Or was it a clue to something deeper in her? And Effing’s proof… is that you Ed??? No wonder he is jealous.

    1. I think it points to insecurity on her part as well.

  9. Effing, I thought you might be acquainted with Toonces! Can’t wait to see if this seduction really gets off the ground or not. I’m not 100 percent certain the Saint will actually act on her invitation.

    1. Effing says he’s never met Toonces, but admires his work on Saturday Night Live. The show hasn’t been the same since Toonces left.

  10. “Anticipation was the soul of seduction, a truth she seemed to have been born knowing.”

    That is an outstanding line!

    Effing, you proved it. Cats CAN drive! Well done.

    Now, can you prove that cats can drive well???? lol

    1. I admire books that include insights like this. I’ve gotten away from writing them in the years since I wrote this book, but maybe I should try again.

  11. Drawing the moment out – great touch! Quite the snippet in this story of twists and turns…

    1. I draw out the moment for a whole chapter!

  12. Anticipation is great in this scene. I’m wondeing what he’s waiting for, too.

    1. Not being in his POV, it was a lot harder to get across Kendo’s reaction to her striptease — especially since she’s so stuck in her own head that he’s almost irrelevant. I tried to make him as enigmatic as I could by never showing his actions or words — they’re always TOLD, rather than SHOWN. That creates a sense of distance, I hope.

  13. Elaine Cantrell · · Reply

    You last line is fabulous.

    1. Ed Judi Hoornaert · · Reply

      Feel free to steal it, if you wish.

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