Effing Feline, TV critic #wewriwa

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, dislike television. I don’t hate it, mind you, and there are some good shows on. Pit Bulls and Parolees seemed like it would be interesting, until I learned that the parolees are the ones taking care of the dogs, not dogs who’d been thrown in jail for disturbing the sleep of some poor pussycat or tomcat.

I wonder if the’ll make a movie of my sponsor, The Saint of Gilford Island?

Janet learned of her husband’s infidelity immediately after Kendo gives a speech about Gilford’s creative. She follows him to his hotel room.

The infidelity, the speech, and an overwhelming sense of loss befuddles her. When Kendo asks her what she’s going to do, she says, “Kill myself.” After spilling something in his lap, she has no idea what to do or where to go. So she follows him to his room.

“I’m fine,” she said like a little girl with well-practiced church manners. “I won’t kill anyone.” Except maybe herself.

But she wasn’t a little girl. That epithet swelled in her mind even though she was the one who’d thought it, not him.

She wore a Reformation Chamomile dress with cap sleeves and a thigh slit. It zipped down the back, and she didn’t need Carlisle’s help to unzip it. She might’ve been over the hill, but was still supple enough to reach back and pull the zipper to her waist and an enticing few inches farther.

Why did she do it? No idea.

A wee bit more to finish the scene. They are some really short sentences here!

She hadn’t even realized what she was doing until her arm was tugging the zipper.

Should she stop? Rezip?

No idea.

Effing Feline here again. You know what the main problem is with television these days? They don’t put out enough heat, as old TVs did, and they’re so narrow a cat can’t get comfortable.

Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

The Saint of Quarantine Island

Maybe you’ve read about viruses that turn people into zombies. But how about a virus that turns people into madmen, some of whom become creative geniuses?

Spurred by her husband’s infidelity and haunted by abandoned aspirations, a suburban housewife smuggles herself into a wilderness quarantine. By catching the disease, she hopes to write a book that’ll redeem her empty life — and maybe, just maybe, she’ll find love with the man they call the Saint of Gilford Island. She’d once spent a memorable though oddly chaste night with him. Surely he’ll help her build a new life.

But exile on an island of madmen is crueler than any suburban daydream. Instead of a quiet writing retreat, she finds pirates who steal everything but the clothes on her back … an arrogant Cambridge scientist who wants to whisk her away to the London of an alternate Earth … a troubled Indian boy who becomes a surrogate son … a licentious cult leader who kidnaps her.

They’re all periodically insane then sane and back again – and so will she be, if she catches the Fireworks virus. Is writing a book really worth such a risk?

What about true love?



  1. The Saint would actually make a great movie.
    Indeed, many of your books would, given all the action.

    1. That’s a great compliment, Lisabet. The movie would rate a hard ‘R’ despite having ‘saint’ in the title.

  2. Okay, interesting point to stop. Will she …. stop?

    1. What fun would that be?

  3. To zip or unzip – that is the question. Sorry – just had to 🙂

    1. Zippedy doo dah, zippedy ay. Sorry – I also just had to do it.

  4. Cara Hartley · · Reply

    Well, she’s certainly more agile than I am. The median nerve in my left arm was badly injured going on three years ago and I’m still working (gingerly) on regaining my flexibility.
    ~Cie from Naughty Netherworld Press~

    1. I can empathize. With me, it’s my shoulder. I tore my rotator cuff a couple years ago, and surgery just made it worse.

  5. nancygideon · · Reply

    Has she fallen under the Island’s affect already? How’s he going to handle this situation . . . if he didn’t create it that is?

    1. He didn’t create anything. He never invited her to his room, she just followed him. She numb right now from discovering her husband’s infidelity half an hour ago. We know why she’s reacting this way, but as I said, she’s numb.

  6. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    I wonder if the virus is already having an affect on her. She seems unsure as to how far she wants to take this.

    1. She’s just reacting right now, not thinking . . . so yes, she’s unsure.

  7. Janet has been out of her mind for quite some time. 🙂

    Effing, you know they make marvelous catbeds out of old television sets? I think you might agree with me that it’s a good use of a TV. 😉 https://www.pinterest.com/pin/46302702409165775/

    1. LOL. I love that cat bed in a television. So does Effing, because in his mind, he’s a star.

  8. I just want her to step back, take a deep breath and RELAX. This woman is such a bundle of nerves and impulses and confusion…congratulations on writing such a complex person Great snippet….

    1. Thanks! I love this scene for the complexity of the action. You’d think a woman going to a man’s hotel room and stripping would be somewhat straightforward, but this scene isn’t.

  9. It’s probably best if she just takes a little time to sort through all the clutter in her head before jumping ahead with her next move. But if she did, the story might not be so interesting.

    1. Ed Judi Hoornaert · · Reply

      Exactly. Leave it to another writer to understand the need to torment our characters.

  10. I wonder how the saint is going to react? She’s clearly very vulnerable right now.

    1. Ed Judi Hoornaert · · Reply

      Right on both counts, Alexis.

  11. I’m currently reading this book and I have to agree with the cat that it would make a great movie.

    1. You wouldn’t happen to be a Hollywood producer, would you?

  12. Makes you wonder if it’s why her husband strayed. Was she always slightly out of her mind?

    1. Ed Judi Hoornaert · · Reply

      She’s out of her mind because her husband strayed, not the other way around.

  13. Elaine Cantrell · · Reply

    Better make up her mind in a hurry. Zip or unzip.

    1. Ed Judi Hoornaert · · Reply

      Some things, once started, can’t be easily stopped.

  14. Now you’re into my territory, Ed! I think she’s at the point where she thinks she has nothing to lose–except her clothing once the zipper comes down. Loved the tension in this snippet!

    1. “Nothing to lose except her clothes”– that could make an interesting title for a romance, don’t you think?

  15. I wonder if this action is some way for her to feel in control of some aspect of her life. Considering everything seems to be falling apart. I love the focus on the zip. It’s sexual but not exploitative and portrays just enough. Great writing Ed.

    Also Effing, I’ve notice modern cats (who don’t know the ways of the old TV and was forced to grow without knowing the warm benefit) have adopted sleeping on computer towers and laptops left alone to charge. It might help solve your issue.

  16. Subconsciously, yes, she needs some sense of control, and then of course there’s the revenge angle.

    If I’m never able to open my compute because there’s a sleeping cat it’ll be all your fault.

  17. Cathy Brockman · · Reply

    awesome post intriguing

    1. Why, thank you very much, Cathy.

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