Effing Feline, bank robber? #wewriwa

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, know that humans often wear face masks these days. (They always did, of course, but nowadays they aren’t for robbing banks.) But the picture below shows that the fashion fad has gone too hissing far!

Now a word from my sponsor, The Saint of Quarantine Island.

Afraid of the island’s madmen, Janet has been hiding in Billy Seaweed’s floathouse, awaiting the arrival of Kendo Carlisle, the half-Japanese ‘Saint of Gilford Island.’ Immune to the Fireworks virus, Kendo has spent years helping people on the island. She met him the day she learned of husband’s affair and tried half-heartedly to seduce him — so she’s pretty sure he’ll remember her and, hopefully, help her get settled safely on the island.

When a rowboat ties up to the floathouse, she hides behind her dresses in a closet. She picks up the only weapon in sight — a framed portrait from her wedding. Not much of a weapon, eh?

Through the door and the dresses, she heard Billy say, “She’s in there.”

The little traitor.

After several dark, stuffy moments filled with footsteps and heart-pounds, the closet door swung open. Hangers screeched as Billy pulled them aside.

“Here she is!” the boy said.

Janet pushed past him, wedding picture held high. She caught the man by surprise; he made no attempt to dodge. With a shriek, she raised the picture and slammed it onto his head. The canvas tore and the frame lodged around his shoulders like a square, oversized wedding ring.

The head belonged to Kendo Carlisle.

Effing Feline here again. The only way I’ll ever wear a hissing face mask is if humans wear cat masks, such as these!

Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

The Saint of Quarantine Island

Maybe you’ve read about viruses that turn people into zombies. But how about a virus that turns people into madmen, some of whom become creative geniuses?

Spurred by her husband’s infidelity and haunted by abandoned aspirations, a suburban housewife smuggles herself into a wilderness quarantine. By catching the disease, she hopes to write a book that’ll redeem her empty life — and maybe, just maybe, she’ll find love with the man they call the Saint of Gilford Island. She’d once spent a memorable though oddly chaste night with him. Surely he’ll help her build a new life.

But exile on an island of madmen is crueler than any suburban daydream. Instead of a quiet writing retreat, she finds pirates who steal everything but the clothes on her back … an arrogant Cambridge scientist who wants to whisk her away to the London of an alternate Earth … a troubled Indian boy who becomes a surrogate son … a licentious cult leader who kidnaps her.

They’re all periodically insane then sane and back again – and so will she be, if she catches the Fireworks virus. Is writing a book really worth such a risk?

What about true love?

27 comments

  1. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    I’m curios as to whether he was affected by the picture at all.

    His name is interesting, as Kendo is Japanese sword fighting, a martial art that my daughter practices.

    1. I must admit, I chose the name just because “Kendo Carlisle” struck a chord. I hadn’t even decided yet to make him part Japanese, but the name filled in a lot of blanks. Once I had a Japanese name I needed to find a reason for him to be in Canada. No problem; a valley near Nelson, where I used to live, had been a WWII internment center for Japanese Canadians. Presto — I had not only a backstory for him, but a location for him to be from.

      Sword fighting, played no part in the decision.

  2. So she hits the person she would like to help her?

    1. Yep. Not a very good start toward getting his help.

      1. LOL … to say it mildly 🙂

  3. Woopsie! lol

    I just love her chemistry with Billy Seaweed, too.

    Effing, have you ever considered anger management? You seem so upset week in and week out. Maybe Ed works you too hard with these posts??? 🙂

    1. Being my alter ego, Effing gets all my anger so I can remain mellow.

  4. Facebook has figured out that I like cats. It keeps showing me ads for merchandise like this.

    Cool it, Effing. Nobody’s going to make you wear a mask!

    1. Have you bought a cat face mask yet? Do you use masks much over there?

  5. nancygideon · · Reply

    Personally, I love cat masks!! Love this scene – what else could possibly go wrong? Billy is fabulously unpredictable.

    1. For the moment, not much.

  6. I hope Kendo isn’t hurt too badly. Jumping to conclusions and immediately acting on that assumption is rarely a good idea.

  7. I’m guessing he’s used to unusual reactions, considering his “clientele” are all crazy. But does Janet have that excuse yet?

    1. Good thinking, Alexis.

  8. Cathy Brockman · · Reply

    Great snippet. Cute masks too. I have sweet little black cat mask

    1. I bet you look adorable in that mask!

  9. I see she comes from the “shoot first, ask questions later” school of thinking 🙂 If she went to the trouble of carting a framed picture with her it must mean something to her. Will there be serious remorse at trashing it for no reason like that?

  10. Let’s just say that she does have residual feelings for her husband.

  11. I’m loving the absurdity of this story, portrayed as absolutely normal.

    1. And I’m loving your comments!

  12. Her still carrying the wedding photo despite how their relationship ended is very revealing. Then she uses to to attack Kendo. This story definitely redefines “normal.” I love it!

    1. I guess that in a pinch, you use whatever weapon is at hand.

  13. Elaine Cantrell · · Reply

    Big uh oh here.

  14. I love that both our heroines have hurt the one who is supposed to help them. Great minds, huh, Ed? Effing, I love the cat masks! Sign me up!

  15. I find it interesting she kept the wedding portrait. The thing that drove her to the island she brought with her.

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