Effing Feline dreams of travel #wewriwa

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, want a vacation! I’ve lived in this stupid house all my life. I never go anywhere. Of course, Ed, my pet human,  doesn’t go much of anywhere these days either — but at least he’s daydreaming about a trip.

One of his sons has accepted a new job, which means relocating from Amsterdam to Calgary, which is close to some mountains Ed loves. I don’t care about the mountains, but I do have a dream vacation spot. Where is it? I’ll tell you after this word from my sponsor, The Saint of Quarantine Island.

Janet is in Billy Seaweed’s room. He has given up on directing her movements with his game’s joystick, and now he asks her an important question.

“Are you a female?”

“Yes.”

“A real female, not just another guy dressing up weird?”

Janet frowned at the thought of anyone, let alone a pirate, wearing her clothes, but she kept her tone light, because this boy had been through a lot. “I’m a real female.”

He hunkered down, looking simultaneously scared and intrigued. “P-prove it.” His gaze settled on her breasts.

She folded her arms across her chest. “I don’t have to prove anything to you, young man! I saved your life.” Immediately, she regretted the outburst. He was young, ill and, like her, probably in need of reassurance. 

Here are another seven to finish the scene.

“Okay, I’ll prove it — my way, though, not yours.” Janet cleared her throat and, trying not to feel foolish, started singing in highest soprano range. “Lullaby and good night, with roses bedight. With lilies o’er spread is Billy’s warm bed.”

Billy sank back to the bed, turned on his side, and pulled the blankets over his head.

“Billy,” she said, “I don’t have anywhere to go. May I stay here a few days?”

“Get out of my room,” he said in a muffled voice.

Not out of his house, just his room. That would have to do for an invitation.

Effing Feline here again. My ideal vacation spot is the olive tree I can see out the dining room window. A mess of little lizards climb all over it and they’d be perfect for chasing. Even better, though — there’s a bird feeder hanging from the tree. Yum!

Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

The Saint of Quarantine Island

Maybe you’ve read about viruses that turn people into zombies. But how about a virus that turns people into madmen, some of whom become creative geniuses?

Spurred by her husband’s infidelity and haunted by abandoned aspirations, a suburban housewife smuggles herself into a wilderness quarantine. By catching the disease, she hopes to write a book that’ll redeem her empty life — and maybe, just maybe, she’ll find love with the man they call the Saint of Gilford Island. She’d once spent a memorable though oddly chaste night with him. Surely he’ll help her build a new life.

But exile on an island of madmen is crueler than any suburban daydream. Instead of a quiet writing retreat, she finds pirates who steal everything but the clothes on her back … an arrogant Cambridge scientist who wants to whisk her away to the London of an alternate Earth … a troubled Indian boy who becomes a surrogate son … a licentious cult leader who kidnaps her.

They’re all periodically insane then sane and back again – and so will she be, if she catches the Fireworks virus. Is writing a book really worth such a risk?

What about true love?

33 comments

  1. The boy is most certainly a handful, but i have a feeling these two will get along well.

    1. It’ll take a long time (half the book) but yes, they will.

  2. Great scene!
    Glad your son will be closer soon, too. These days the world seems huge and inaccessible.

    1. You’re right about how the world feels. I hope that feeling isn’t too overwhelming for you, living halfway around the world.

  3. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    Well, not being kicked out is a good start.

    1. At least she has a place to sta, for the moment at least.

  4. nancygideon · · Reply

    Sounds like a perfect match, the two of them – him lost, her searching. I know how Effing feels! I’ve had plans for an Ireland trip cancelled – twice – and now I don’t even dare think about our arrangements for May. Sigh!

    1. Ed Judi Hoornaert · · Reply

      I know what you mean about travel arrangements. Brett still has to manage to get back to Canada. There are direct flights from Amsterdam to Calgary . . . for now, at least.

  5. I love his un-selfcoscious line of questioning. Feels to me like a more than a hint of autism?

    1. Ed Judi Hoornaert · · Reply

      Not autism, Bipolar (sort of) and not well grounded in reality.

  6. Well, as invitations go, it’s not great, but will have to do. Maybe if she sings something a bit more upbeat it would help their relationship? Effing, that tree does sound like the perfect vacationing spot for you. Maybe you can make a deal with Ed to let you out for a little while (with supervision). 🙂

    1. Ed Judi Hoornaert · · Reply

      Supervision? Jenna, how do you supervise a cat?

  7. So women are rare on this island? I wonder if that will cause problems for her. Seems like she has enough already!

    1. Ed Judi Hoornaert · · Reply

      It will cause tremendous problems for her, as does the fact that she’s beautiful.

  8. I like how his answer is open to interpretation. 🙂

    1. Ed Judi Hoornaert · · Reply

      It’s a pretty vague answer, that’s for sure.

  9. Cathy Brockman · · Reply

    Awesome on your son’s new job. I hope you get to go visit. Keep feline away fro the lizards and birds lol!

    1. Ed Judi Hoornaert · · Reply

      Especially the lizards. Not good for the digestion.

  10. Loved this book! And now you get to visit your son in Canada! Yippee!!

    1. Ed Judi Hoornaert · · Reply

      Travel seems too iffy right now, and getting into Canada from the States is even iffier. But eventually!

  11. Yet another week I have to recommend bird seed for Effing. 😀 Only this week it is to catch bigger prey. And glad Billy seems accepting of Janet, for now.

    1. There is sometimes bigger prey in our olive tree. Occasionally a raven, and last week a hawk. I don’t think Effing can handle either.

  12. julieevelynjoyce · · Reply

    Congrats to son on his new job! These two are quite the pair. Not much of an invitation, but it’s better than nothing. 🙂

    1. I’ll be very happy to have him in North America again. Of course, he still has to get to Calgary, and right about now, relocating to another continent isn’t necessarily easy.

  13. Elaine Cantrell · · Reply

    Sort of sideways invitation, but I guess it’ll do.

    1. The lack of an eviction notice, means a person can stay, right?

  14. She is sooo out of her element. Calgary is beautiful, not too far from the mountains with lots of bears and moose for Effing Feline to play with. Hopefully they’ll open the border sooner rather than later and you can visit your son.

    1. It isn’t just a matter of opening the border. Even more, it’s a matter of feeling safe flying, which I currently don’t.

  15. Cara Hartley · · Reply

    I certainly wouldn’t prove it his way either. Back in my younger days, I hung a few moons, but I was never one for flashing my bosoms.
    ~Cie from Naughty Netherworld Press~

    1. I think she showed ingenuity in how she proved her gender.

  16. At least a sofa is better than a curb! I didn’t realize women where rare on the island or is it that Billy doesn’t interact with people as a whole?

    I’m glad your son will be closer. My best friend was on a working visa in Ireland but when the company folded (because of covid) he lost the sponsorship to stay. He’s been trying to move back to Canada for months. Finally he’s able to fly home in September.

    1. Ed Judi Hoornaert · · Reply

      Brett’s hoping to moving back in September, too.

  17. ““A real female, not just another guy dressing up weird?” I lol’ed when I read that in the book. This is such a good story, Ed! I will get my review up soon. I swear. 🙂

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