Effing Feline likes ice cream #wewriwa

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, like ice cream. Any kind of cream, really. Fresh cream, whipped cream, creme brulee. You see, I am a cat of refined taste. Furthermore, I eat ice cream with panache. Or with chocolate syrup. Always, I keep my feline dignity, unlike this puss, who breaks every rule in the “Cats are cool” handbook.

I’ll show you how I eat after this word from my sponsor, The Saint of Quarantine Island.

It turned out Billy Seaweed didn’t need much saving. He stumbled into his floathouse without her help, and when she told him to get out of his wet clothes, he mumbled that he’d fallen in the chuck lots of times and he didn’t need no crazy white chick telling him what to do. She tried to help his fumbling fingers undo his jacket, but he screamed that he didn’t need her help, and he wasn’t going to undress with her around and she should leave.

“But –”

“Get the fuck out!” Spittle flew from his mouth. His face was a mask of rage and something more — madness.

Janet dashed outside. The door slammed behind her loud enough to echo off the cliff behind the house and something shoe-sized hit the door.

“I’m just trying to help, Billy.”

The other shoe hit the door.

Effing Feline here again. This is how I, Effing Feline eat!

I’d be even daintier if Ed would only buy me a catfork.

Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

The Saint of Quarantine Island

Maybe you’ve read about viruses that turn people into zombies. But how about a virus that turns people into madmen, some of whom become creative geniuses?

Spurred by her husband’s infidelity and haunted by abandoned aspirations, a suburban housewife smuggles herself into a wilderness quarantine. By catching the disease, she hopes to write a book that’ll redeem her empty life — and maybe, just maybe, she’ll find love with the man they call the Saint of Gilford Island. She’d once spent a memorable though oddly chaste night with him. Surely he’ll help her build a new life.

But exile on an island of madmen is crueler than any suburban daydream. Instead of a quiet writing retreat, she finds pirates who steal everything but the clothes on her back … an arrogant Cambridge scientist who wants to whisk her away to the London of an alternate Earth … a troubled Indian boy who becomes a surrogate son … a licentious cult leader who kidnaps her.

They’re all periodically insane then sane and back again – and so will she be, if she catches the Fireworks virus. Is writing a book really worth such a risk?

What about true love?

33 comments

  1. She really has a tough time these first few minutes. I was pretty worried for her when Billy dropped the f-bomb. Great story! An entertaining read!

    1. It’s not like she has anywhere else to go.

  2. Effing, I’ve never thought of you as “dainty” or “refined”.

    My mistake, I guess!

    1. Such a literary cat, and you never realized he was refined? Tsk tsk.

  3. Ungrateful little bugger … i wonder whether she’ll keep persisting.

    1. Will she persist? Well, while this scene was happening, the dingy she used to get to his floathouse was drifting away, which really narrows her options.

  4. One of our cats drinks with his paw like Effing.
    As for the snippet – didn’t she know people on the island were crazy?

    1. Hearing they were crazy and seeing it for herself are two different things.

  5. nancygideon · · Reply

    The beginning of a beautiful friendship. I admire her good intention, though. Love the cat brain freeze – tho my trio was not equally a’mew’sed. My two ladies are very delicate but my little guy would be like head in the carton.

    1. The beginning of a fraught friendship, you mean!

  6. julieevelynjoyce · · Reply

    Flying spittle is never a good sign. Also, Effing, I’m sorry but I’ve never considered you dainty, either. I do agree that all cream is good cream. I’d love to combine all the creams together, in fact. Other than face cream. Keep that out.

    1. Flying spittle is a particularly horrible sign in this age of Covid.

  7. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    Effing has great taste!

    And I wonder if Billy will make Janet think twice about her mission.

    1. Twice, thrice, fice . . .

  8. LOL! Clearly no help needed here. He’s fine 🙂

    1. And he clearly does not want her help at all.

  9. Charmaine Gordon here: As always, Ed, I get a kick from your stories. Looking forward to more nezt week.

    1. I’ll see you next week, then.

  10. Now what? If Billy is a typical resident, things will probably not be getting any easier.

    Effing, according to my elder cat Smoot, the secret to eating ice cream is to stand on your person’s chest until the ice cream in their bowl has warmed up, then insist on licking out the melted remains. All the flavor with no freeze!

    1. Smoot is an impressively intelligent cat. Do you call him Smart Smoot?

  11. Wow, such vehemence from him.

    1. That’s partly a symptom of his illness, partly of his personality.

  12. Yeah, not so much on the grand lifesaving thing she was thinking last week LOL. Great snippet!

    1. Pretty much all her grand illusions are going to be shattered before this book is over.

  13. He wasn’t very grateful for the save. lol Great scene.

    1. Gratitude isn’t his strong suit, it seems.

  14. Cathy Brockman · · Reply

    So Dainty! Great post. Now what will she do? Where wil she go?

    1. There aren’t a lot of options, that’s true.

  15. I wonder if all the island’s residents present with this particular rage, or if this is peculiar to Billy alone. I think it would give me pause as to what I was getting into, but not sure about janet’s sensibilities. Billy is quite the character, isn’t he?

    1. Billy is a fairly extreme case, and soon he’ll cycle down down down. He described Fireworks (the virus’s disease) as living on a yoyo.

  16. I work with people with mental illness, and I gotta say that you nailed this scene perfectly!

    1. Thanks — that means a lot to me. I researched the heck out of Bipolar, which I based the new disease on, and I’m delighted my research worked.

  17. Great snippet! The f bomb, the spittle and even shoes thrown at a door, what an explosive scene!

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