Effing Feline is sick #wewriwa

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, am sick of quarantine. Oh sure, ‘quarantine’ isn’t what they call it these days, but a rose by any other name, etc. I yearn to romp in the grass, chase the birds that tantalize me, catch some of the lizards that scurry across the patio just out of reach. But I can’t, I can’t!

Grumble grumble, hiss hiss. More on my heartrending dilemma following this word from my sponsor, The Saint of Quarantine Island.

After seeing Billy Seaweed leap off a cliff, our heroine, Janet Davis, tries to explain her reasons for paying the boat driver to smuggle her into the quarantine.

“And I’ve failed not just at writing, but, well, at everything.” Her shoulders rose and fell as she sighed. “Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a huge failure, just a mediocre one.” She cocked her head to one side. “Does that mean I’m a failure even at failure? Anyway, I’m not a spectacular beauty anymore . . . ”

Embarrassment tugged at her as she realized she was pausing to give him time to disagree. Compliments about her looks had declined over the years, but never disappeared; she’d thought she was fine with that, even welcomed being more than a pretty face — but right now, a compliment would feel fabulous.

He said nothing, just stared at her. Oh, well.

Effing Feline here again. Oh, how I wish the family wasn’t quarantining — though that wouldn’t really help me. I’m a blinking house cat serving a life sentence without parole. Hiss!

Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

The Saint of Quarantine Island

I finally have a blurb I’m happy with. Check it out!

Maybe you’ve read about viruses that turn people into zombies. But how about a virus that turns people into madmen, some of whom become creative geniuses?

Spurred by her husband’s infidelity and haunted by abandoned aspirations, Janet, a suburban housewife smuggles herself into a wilderness quarantine. By catching the disease, she hopes to write a book that’ll redeem her empty life — and maybe, just maybe, find love with the man they call the Saint of Gilford Island. She’d once spent a memorable, though chaste, night with him. Surely he’ll help her build a new life.

But exile on an island of madmen is crueler than any suburban daydream. Instead of a quiet writing retreat, Janet finds pirates who steal everything but the clothes on her back … an arrogant Cambridge scientist who wants to take her to the London of an alternate Earth … a troubled Indian boy who becomes a surrogate son … a licentious cult leader who kidnaps her.

They’re all periodically insane then sane and back again – and so will she be, if she catches the Fireworks virus. Is a book worth such a risk?

What about true love?


The Saint of Quarantine Island escapes from its pre-sale quarantine on July 1, 2020. Until then, it’s available at a special reduced price. Don’t wait — the price will be rising as surely as Billy Seaweed’s mania.

32 comments

  1. Be patient, Effing!

    We couldn’t want you to catch COVID.

    1. Yes, patience is the key. If he got out too soon he’d had to wear a mask, and how can you catch a bird while wearing a mask?

  2. nice snippet and, yes, i believe many of us have been in a situation just like that, when not seeking affirmation but are disappointed when we don’t get at least some sort of it.

    1. That would be like posting a snippet on Weekend Writing Warriors and getting not a single comment. The horror of it!

  3. There is nothing wrong by being attractive so there. Hugs from me to you.

    1. And a hug right back at you.

  4. Why am I beginning to believe this island isn’t going to be the panacea she thinks it’s going to be? Perhaps she just need a little more affirmation, not genius from a virus. Such an interesting premise for this book, Ed!

    And Effing, maybe the outside isn’t your best bet either. Hot paws might deter you from chasing those lizards anyway.:)

    1. Here in Arizona, vets recommend your dogs wear booties in the summer — not to keep the ice and snow out of their paws, but because the sidewalks get so hot it can burn them.

  5. Nice job on the blurb. I’ve had times related to what Janet is experiencing.

    Poor Effing had my sympathy after I read the title.

    1. Thanks for the kind words about the blurb. At least somebody noticed and offered a compliment!

      1. Writing a blurb isn’t easy. Congrats on release day!

  6. I like that blurb, Ed. I’d buy the book based on it–if I hadn’t already pre-ordered it. 😉

    Effing, poor, poor Effing. You work so tirelessly for Ed posting this blog–even when you don’t feel good! I saw a tee-shirt I was going to buy for you, but it didn’t come in cat sizes. It said, ” I’ll get it done, but I’ll bitch the whole time.”

    1. You could always buy a second copy, maybe?
      Also, I like that t-shirt motto. It reminds me of my kids when they were younger, doing their chores.

  7. Yes. She needs a compliment. Is there somebody on this crazy island who is willing to make one?

    1. You know, I don’t think anyone in the book ever compliments her on her beauty, so I guess not.

      PS – I thought of one compliment she does get, and it’s from a crazy writer.

  8. I enjoyed the way she fishes for a compliment and doesn’t get it…well done snippet!

    1. You’d think that on an island in the North Pacific Ocean, with all its salmon, flatfishes, cod, pollock, hake, lingcod, mackerel, herring, etc., she could catch at least one compliment when she goes fishing. But no. Nothing.

  9. Even failing at failing! Nice way of thinking 🙂

    1. Uh, I’m glad you like it. I guess?

  10. Diane Burton · · Reply

    A mediocre failure. How sad.

    Effing, we are all sick and tired of quarantine. I don’t care if the whole state/country is supposed to be open. You won’t catch me socializing at bars (yeah, right) or restaurants. I’m still wearing a mask whenever I go out, which isn’t much. We have to stay safe. I heard AZ is having a real resurgence of covid. Best to not go anywhere. Effing, protect Ed and his family.

    1. If I have to depend on Effing to defend me, I’m in trouble.

  11. Why, thank you, Ed, your release day is my birthday! That was on purpose, right?

    I can relate to her self-abuse, and if Covid-19 caused genius instead of death, I’d probably be out there partying without a mask. But it doesn’t, so I’ll just stick it out here at home, writing books the old fashioned way with my regular old brain.

    1. Sorry, I didn’t even know it was your birthday — but Happy Birthday!

      Actually I chose that day because it’s Canada’s birthday (I’m old fashioned; I think of it as Dominion Day, not Canada Day) and this is the most Canadian book I’ve written. It’s sort of a paean to my old homeland, which I miss terribly once the Arizona heat sets in. Wintertime, not so much.

  12. nancygideon · · Reply

    You never catch what you’re after when you fish for compliments. Hope you’re not close to the fires in AZ, Ed. They’re right at the backdoor of where I used to visit in the spring at the foothills of the Catalinas. Like a pandemic wasn’t enough to worry about?

    1. We aren’t close to the wildfire, but my sister’s house is. She had to evacuate, so she spent a couple of nights with us. Then the wind changed and she when home again. Thanks for asking, Nancy!

  13. You so scared me with that title – Effing feline is sick. Thank heavens it was just pandemic boredom.
    Fishing/hoping for compliments is often a real let down – if not a kick in the butt.
    Tweeted.

    1. Effing gets bored if he’s fed the same kind of food two days in a row, so of course he’s sick of the pandemic . . . like many people. Personally, I’m doing fine, but then my lifestyle was pretty close to being on lockdown even before the lockdown.

  14. Yes, a compliment would be nice right about now. Enjoyed the snippet.

    1. There are days when one needs some encouragement. As writers, we don’t get much.

  15. First off, I thought Effin was at the vet and clinging to life… so I’m glad he’s okay.

    I feel for her and the line “I’m not a huge failure, just a mediocre one” is great. I like how she downplays her failures by pretending ‘it could be worse’ but in reality it feels like she is at the end of her rope, (her failure to get a compliment which before used to come so easy).

  16. Effing is as alive and well a ever. I’ll pass along your concern.

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