Effing Feline watches the news #wewriwa

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, know a lot is going on in the world right now. How do I know? I follow the news, of course. Don’t you? Of course you do.

You know what the saddest, most disturbing thing in the news is? I’ll tell you after this word from my sponsor, Ed’s upcoming novel, The Saint of Quarantine Island.

We left fourteen-year-old Billy Seaweed atop a cliff, trying to bottle up the mania energy churning inside him. But the supply boat distracts him. It’s two days early, which means it’s carrying not supplies but another crazy white guy (in this case a crazy white woman) who wants to catch fireworks and become a genius.

Here’s how last week’s snippet ended: “Except that in the past, he’d survived the jump from the cliff only by harnessing his explosive burst of energy until the last possible moment. It was hard to leap past the submerged rocks.”

None of the white guys could do it. They all went splat, turning themselves into itty bitty squishy fishy food.

Not him, though, because he was Billy Seaweed, the last of the fucking Mohicans. Sure, he was Kwakiutl, not Mohican, but the principle was the same — last of his tribe, here on Gilford at least. And he could fly, man, fly!

Whooping so loudly he startled the gulls riding the cliff’s updrafts, Billy backed into the bushes clogging the edge of the forest. He was enough in control of himself to brace one leg against a lodgepole pine so he could push off.

“Not dumb,” he shouted. “Not fucking crazy. Not me-ee-ee-ee-ee!”

And one more for good luck.

And with that, he ran as hard as he could for three meters, until suddenly there were no rocks under his feet or moss or kinnikinick or bird-dropping stains, only rain and air and wind, and death, and he was flying through the mist toward the supply raft, shouting and laughing maniacally.

Effing Feline here again. The saddest story on the news these days, by far, is that Fluffy’s owner ran out of tuna and is feeding her dry cat food. Oh, the horror! Is anything going on in the world of human news shows?

Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

The Saint of Quarantine Island

Maybe you’ve read about viruses that turn people into zombies. But how about a virus that turns people into madmen, some of whom become creative geniuses?

Spurred by her husband’s infidelity, a suburban housewife smuggles herself into a wilderness quarantine to catch the new disease. She’s hoping to redeem her empty life by writing a great book . . . and maybe, just maybe, find love with the man called the Saint of Gilford Island. She’d once spent a memorable, though oddly chaste, night with him. Surely he’ll help her.

But a lifetime’s exile on an island of madmen — pirates, a suicidal Indian boy, an arrogant Cambridge scientist, a licentious cult leader, all of them periodically insane then sane and back again — is crueler than any suburban daydream. To survive, she’ll need to adapt.

Adapt how, though? Even if she wins the saint’s love, nothing in her life — or anyone’s life, ever – could possibly prepare her for the unpredictable society these creative madmen have built.

The Saint of Quarantine Island escapes from its pre-sale quarantine on July 1, 2020. Until then, it’s available at a special reduced price. Don’t wait — the price will be rising as surely as Billy Seaweed’s mania.

30 comments

  1. Good thing the supply raft was there. It will still be a hard landing, I would think. I love his rant about not being crazy. 🙂 Great character.

    1. If he thinks screaming “I’m not crazy” while jumping off a cliff proves his sanity, doesn’t it prove the opposite?

  2. That was an amazing visual! I could see it, hear it, smell the sea air. Nice writing, Ed!

    Effing, no tuna? Dry cat food? Oh, the horrors!!

    1. Dry cat food is as bad as what’s on our news these days, right?

  3. Effing, I think you should write a letter to your congressperson. We know it’s a pandemic, but really, some things are essential…

    I love this snippet, Ed. Billy Seaweed is a fantastic character, beautiful and believable.

  4. Billy was a lot of fun to write.

  5. You created a delightful background for this story. Happy to say, I got a kick out of the guy who is hollering about himself.

    1. Delightful, perhaps, but also torturous.

  6. I enjoyed the visual of the scene … i he’ll be just as enthusiastic after the landing.

    1. You enjoy bird droppings, eh? I’ll have to remember that, Iris.

  7. nancygideon · · Reply

    It’s not the fall . . . it’s the sudden stop. I imagine him looking just like Efffing as he soars. My cats feel Effing’s pain and panic as their food supply dwindles. Have been impatiently waiting for UPS guy to leave prescription food at the door and empty Mom’s bank account!

    1. For your cats’ sake, I hope your local UPS office isn’t affected the way ours was awhile back. There were several cases of Covid, which meant packages could get to town, but there was almost no one to deliver them.

  8. Diane Burton · · Reply

    I’m amazed at how well you show his mental state. I hope he doesn’t go splat. Dry cat food? Oh, the horror!

    1. I’d thank you, except I’m not sure it’s a good thing to be able to crawl inside the head of a character who is, shall we say, out of touch with reality. What does that say about me, I wonder?

  9. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    I hope Billy’s cliff jump ends well.

    1. Well? It ends with a wet landing . . . but in the Pacific, not a well.

  10. I love the visuals! I could feel the ocean mist on my skin (or is it that this east coaster has been land locked for too long?) Either way, great snippet. I think Billy might be my new favorite!

    1. I’m toying with ideas for a sequel to The Saint of Quarantine Island, featuring Billy. Happy now?

  11. So you went and threw him off the cliff after I asked you nicely not to? The nerve of some writers! And now I have to wait for next week to find out if he turns into fishy food. *Insert grumpy harrumph*

    1. I humbly beg your pardon, Alexis.

  12. Well, it sounds like he’s been successful before and not turned into fishy food, so I’ll believe he makes it this time–until you show us different. 🙂 This character is very well drawn, very colorful, and I hope he survives throughout the book because of that! Great excerpt!

    1. It’s not just fishy food — it’s itty bitty squishy fishy food.

  13. Elaine Cantrell · · Reply

    Lovely, visual excerpt.

    1. Everyone is saying that, but I don’t necessarily see it. Oh well, I’m glad folks like it.

  14. Cathy Brockman · · Reply

    Nooo. I need to see what happens!

    1. You just have to be patient. Even in the book, you don’t find out right away.

  15. Just curious about his state of mind if he reaches the supply boat. … Hey Effing, maybe there is tuna on it?

    1. Tuna? Effing turns his nose up at tuna. He wants salmon, fresh, wild-caught Pacific salmon.

  16. So, he’s not crazy, right? Great visual snippet!

    1. That’s what he keeps telling himself!

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