Effing Feline wants to fly #wewriwa

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, want to fly. Just think how many birds I could catch. I could become the greatest flying ace in the history of catdom!

We keep track of these things, you know. Who’s currently the greatest ace? I’ll show you after this word from our sponsor, The Saint of Quarantine Island.

We left fourteen-year-old Billy Seaweed atop a cliff, trying to bottle up the mania energy churning inside him. But the supply boat distracts him. It’s two days early, which means it’s carrying not supplies but another crazy white guy (in this case a crazy white woman) who wants to catch fireworks and become a genius.

Jesus, he sometimes acted as crazy as a white guy.

Speaking of which, the new crazy white guy would have stuff he could borrow, if he got to him first. Billy popped to his feet, propelled high in the air by the wild energy that fizzed through his limbs. The supply boat was nearly to Hotel Point. Eventually someone in Echo Bay town would see the boat and dash out to borrow the crazy newcomer’s good stuff. Living near the mouth of the bay, Billy usually got first crack, but this time he wouldn’t get to borrow anything, and that fucking sucked a mucking buck.

Unless he flew down.

Flew?

Yeah. Of course!

That’s ten. But here are two more for good luck.

Except that in the past, he’d survived the jump from the cliff only by harnessing his explosive burst of energy until the last possible moment. It was hard to leap past the submerged rocks.

Effing Feline here again. The greatest ace in cat history started young. Here’s my hero in action.

Ed wants me to tell you he’s gotten the edits back from his editor, Danielle Fine, and is hard at work entering them. The Saint of Quarantine Island is certain to be ready in plenty of time for it release.

Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

The Saint of Quarantine Island

Maybe you’ve read about viruses that turn people into zombies. But how about a virus that turns people into madmen, some of whom become creative geniuses?

Spurred by her husband’s infidelity, a suburban housewife smuggles herself into a wilderness quarantine to catch the new disease. She’s hoping to redeem her empty life by writing a great book . . . and maybe, just maybe, find love with the man called the Saint of Gilford Island. She’d once spent a memorable, though oddly chaste, night with him. Surely he’ll help her.

But a lifetime’s exile on an island of madmen — pirates, a suicidal Indian boy, an arrogant Cambridge scientist, a licentious cult leader, all of them periodically insane then sane and back again — is crueler than any suburban daydream. To survive, she’ll need to adapt.

Adapt how, though? Even if she wins the saint’s love, nothing in her life — or anyone’s life, ever – could possibly prepare her for the unpredictable society these creative madmen have built.

The Saint of Quarantine Island escapes from its pre-sale quarantine on July 1, 2020. Until then, it’s available at a special reduced price. Don’t wait — the price will be rising as surely as Billy Seaweed’s mania.

40 comments

  1. Sooo many questions. Is this guy insane? lol. I dunno if he is, but he IS entertaining. lol, And what is up with “borrowing” things from the newcomers? Interesting as all get out. 🙂

    Effing, I’ve always wanted to fly, too. I wanted to be sure to tell you that I just watched a video about squirrels, and it appears they have a lot in common with cats–being able to land on their feet. Even the methods they use to ensure that they do land on their feet. Are you related to squirrels?? lol

    1. Are you implying Effing is squirelly? Because if you are, I must say I agree with you.

  2. Just the other night, I dreamed I could levitate. Which isn’t exactly flying, but close…

    Good luck with the release, Ed.

    Good luck with flying, Effing. I don’t think it’s as easy as birds make it look!

    1. Effing wants to know if you caught any birds while you were levitating.

  3. Ed, I’m loving this story. Exciting and, of course, kind of nutsy but this is the way your story goes. Best always, my friend.

    1. One of the themes of this story is the relationship between madness and creativity, so yeah . . . kind of nutsy.

  4. Ooh – I’d love to fly off a cliff! Your story is magical and mundane and the same time.

    1. Aurora! Step away from that cliff!. Right now! Take one step back . . . then another . . . now one more . . . and you’re safe now. Whew! Aren’t you going to thank me for saving your life?

  5. I would suggest missing the submerged rock. Not an authority – it just seems flying into them might be a bit painful.
    Tweeted.

    1. Darned right. Those rocks might turn you into itsy bitsy squishy fishy food.

  6. By burrow does he mean steal? haha I don’t know but I’m curious to see what happens when he meets the boat. I don’t know about leaping from that cliff though… my knees tremble just thinking about it! Good luck with the edits Ed 🙂

    1. Clearly, he considers newcomers fair game, with no rights, and ‘steal’ is such an ugly word. That’s why he prefers ‘borrow’.

      1. Haha I love him more and more!

  7. I hope he decides to conserve his energy and save the flying for later. I’ve grown to like this character so please don’t throw him off the cliff!

    1. Really, Alexis, do I strike you as the kind of guy who’d throw someone off a cliff?

  8. I get the feeling that “borrow” here doesn’t include the consent and temporary implications normally associated with the word 🙂

    1. Excellent analysis, Ian!

  9. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    Sounds very dangerous! I guess it depends on how determined he is.

    1. The irony of this scene is that I’m horribly afraid of heights. I get this close to cliff’s edge only in my writing.

  10. Cathy Brockman · · Reply

    I like Billy. Good luck flying Effingfeline!

    1. You’re obviously not a bird lover, to wish Effing good luck flying!

  11. If Billy decides to “fly” I do wish him luck–he’s going to need it. He’s a pretty interesting character that I would like to see more of, and not in little tiny pieces. Effing, flying is not what it’s cracked up to be–especially when you could literally crack up. Try getting the birds on the ground–the tried and true methods are the safest!

    1. Never fear, Billy will make it to the end of this book . . . and that’s saying something, since it’s the longest book I’ve ever written.

  12. julieevelynjoyce · · Reply

    What a story you’ve created here. It’s like nothing I’ve ever read before–which is a good thing! Effing, I used to have a cat who had a special “meow” he’d use to call the birds. He wouldn’t have to fly at all. They’d come straight to his awaiting mouth. Might be something to look into. 😉

  13. You said: “It’s like nothing I’ve ever read before–which is a good thing!”

    Is it really a good thing, though? My books get reviewed with comments like “odd” “different” “strange.” I don’t think such comments encourage others to try the books, because the vast majority of readers want “exactly the same as everything else, but a bit different”. I don’t care if I never get rich, but I do care if I’m writing for just a handful of readers. Sigh.

  14. Man, that “fucking sucked a mucking buck” is a real tongue-twister!

    1. So is “T’beatle t’battle t’bottle t’boodle.” Try saying that fast five times.

      1. Yup, that’s an even bigger tongue-twister!

  15. Elaine Cantrell · · Reply

    Hmm. I don’t think flying off the cliff is a good idea, but maybe he can do it.

    1. In a manic phase like this, his judgement is definitely impaired.

  16. I love Billy. I hope he doesn’t take flight. Great scene.

    1. Well, ‘taking flight’ would be better than simply falling off the cliff.

  17. Good luck, Billy and Effing! Look out birds. After reading the blurb, good luck to the suburban housewife too. Wow.

    1. I think the birds, at least, are safe. Despite his vainglory, he remains an Earthbound house cat.

  18. You certainly have a way with words. Or I should say Billy does, in his language. I love it when characters have their own identity. This guy reminds me of Trashcan Man from The Stand. “MY LIFE FOR YOU!!”

    1. Let me get this straight. You’re saying I DON’T have a way with words? Hmmph! 😉

  19. Linda Hamonou · · Reply

    Hum, jumping from a cliff sounds a bit mad. Does the virus also give them super powers?

    1. Billy would like to think so, but . . .

  20. I’m still a bit confused, but I get that Billy is thinking “flying” of the cliff. Really? LOL … can’t wait to read the next bit 🙂

  21. One of the main points about Billy’s mindset at the moment is that he’s so manic he’s not in touch with reality, so maybe you’re too sane to follow his thoughts.

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