I, Effing Feline, heard Ed, my pet human, talking about a nephew who’s an airplane pilot. What a ridiculous occupation! Why would any cat in his right mind want to fly in a plane? Yes, I always land on my feet — but from miles up in the air? I’m good, but not that good.
In last week’s snippet from Ed’s WIP, New Saw a Purple Cow, we met a 14-year-old First Nations boy named Billy Seaweed who has the Fireworks virus. This disease affect the brain, and resembles extremely fast-cycling Bipolar Disorder. In the space of a day, Billy’s emotions may be soaring (manic), plunging (depressed), or relatively normal and sane.
Billy’s ‘story problem’ is that he’s the lone Kwakiutl on the island, and he’s afraid he doesn’t know how to be Kwakiutl, rather than a white guy. Here’s his manic attempt to be Indian . . . but all he knows are the stereotypes.
“I’m an unmoving totem pole,” Billy chanted, “unbending, unblinking, untouched by time, wind or rain.”
Or fucking disease. But he didn’t say that aloud. It’d be bad luck. And he was in a tough place to invoke bad luck — the edge of the cliff that gave Echo Bay its name, with his toes hanging over a twenty meter drop to the submerged rocks at the base.
“Eagle,” he said louder, moving his lips as little as possible. “Raven . . . beaver . . . salmon!”
The energy growing inside him was becoming difficult to control. Soon, then, soon, like shaking a pop can, pointing it at a meddlesome asshole who hadn’t yet learned that you left Billy Seaweed alone, and then stabbing the can with a pocketknife. Whoosh, right in his kisser — and then pointing the knife at the asshole and staring with the expressionless face that always sent white guys running in fear of the savage red man.
Effing Feline here again. Despite always landing on my feet, if I were in an airplane, I’d want a parachute. After all, I only have nine lives!
PS — Ed’s novel Constellation XXI is a finalist for the 2019 Rone award for best sci-fi novel by an Indie writer. InD’Tale magazine takes reader input into account, so readers with a free account (which leads to no spam!) can vote on which books progress from the semifinals to finals. So please vote for Constellation XXI.
Never Saw a Purple Cow
You’ve read about viruses that turn people into zombies. But how about a virus that turns people into madmen, some of whom become creative geniuses?
Spurred by her husband’s infidelity, a suburban housewife smuggles herself into a wilderness quarantine. She’s hoping to redeem her empty life by writing a great book. But the reality of lifetime exile on an island of madmen — including pirates, a suicidal Indian boy, a licentious cult leader — is crueler than any daydream. To survive, she’ll need to adapt.
But how? Nothing in her sheltered life has prepared her for this.