Effing Feline toots his own horn #wewriwa

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, am the epitome of modesty, but just this once I want to toot my own horn. I’m doing more to help poor quarantined humans than any cat anywhere! What am I doing? Once a week (more often if I screw up my scheduling again) I’m posting never before seen cat videos to lighten your downcast spirits.

When I say never before seen, I mean not seen recently. I’m scouring the web for videos from 6, 7, even 8 years ago. Even if you saw them then, you’ve forgotten them since you’re merely human. I’ll tell you how to find them after this message from my sponsor, Never Saw a Purple Cow.

You’ve read about viruses that turn people into zombies. But how about one that turns people into geniuses? Janet Davis, a beautiful 44-year old suburbanite, abandons her husband, her luxurious LA home, even her life to risk madness and death on a quarantined island in the northern wilderness. Last week’s snippet ended with the supply boat captain telling Janet, “There’s your tomb, Lady.”

Janet sat straighter and at the same time tried to relax. Tried to pretend this trip was nothing more than a boring drive to Safeway for boring groceries to take back to her boring gated community and her bored husband.

It would be better after she was rid of this man. Then, for once in her life, she wouldn’t have to pretend.

“Gilford Island,” the man said, pointing again out the rain-misted window.

Janet strained to find what he was pointing at but failed. She saw nothing that proclaimed Gilford Island with the brazenness of the Hollywood sign on a friendlier hillside back in California. It would take such a sign to point the way.

Lost, she was lost. And had to pretend otherwise.

Effing Feline here again. To see my wondrous cat videos, just click the banner atop this page to go to Ed’s home page.

Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

Never Saw a Purple Cow

Purple Cow: someone who not only doesn’t fit in, they stand out like a . . .  well like a purple cow in a dairy herd.

Grade-A example: beautiful middle-aged suburbanite Janet Davis choosing to live among the creative but insane quarantinees of remote Gilford Island.

Grape flavored milk, anyone?

42 comments

  1. I really want to read this!

    So post the buy links, okay?

    1. I don’t have buy links yet. Sorry, Lisabet. I don’t usually post from WIPs, but this one is so apropos because it takes place in a quarantine that I broke my own rule.

  2. I’m starting to think that the MC is NOT a nice person. 🙂

    I was so afraid for the cat having a standoff with that crocodile! And Effing, did you happen to notice the cat rubbing the dog’s back?? Maybe you culd rub Twiggles’ back? 🙂

    1. Effing would be so nice to Twiggles only after he’s gorged himself on fresh, wild-caught Pacific salmon. Got a fish with you, Teresa?

  3. Linda Hamonou · · Reply

    Hum, why is she going there? Leave everything behind and run for it, there might be a reason, especially if the place is not supposed to be accessed.

    1. Oh yes, there are several good reasons — some external, some internal, and a lot that she doesn’t understand.

  4. Cathy Brockman · · Reply

    Great snippet, I am curious about Janet. I love your daily cat videos but since I love cats and my nickname is cat of course I would!

    1. Effing sends his meows, Cat!

  5. Once again, you have captured me with your snippet. Oh, what a world, what a world. Stay healthy, my friend.

    1. She thinks she knows what she’s doing, but in point of fact, she has no clue what she’s let herself in for.

  6. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    Sounds like pretending might get her into some trouble.

    1. It already has, already has.

  7. nancygideon · · Reply

    Great scene, Ed. I’m pulled right into her situation (which I’m glad I’m not in!). I hope she’s ready for the task ahead . . . or is a fast learner!

    1. She feels ambivalent. That can happen when one of your main motivations is to make your cheating husband sorry for what he did.

  8. Love that first paragraph – sets the tone perfectly.

    As to Effing Feline – isn’t the term “the epitome of modesty” an oxymoron?? But I could be wrong – I am only a mere human.
    Tweeted.

    1. You’re right about the epitome of modesty. I guess the phrase should be “the shrinking violet of modesty.” After all, violet is a shade of purple.

  9. julieevelynjoyce · · Reply

    This snippet–and Janet–are anything but boring! I like her, and I’m excited to see where this adventure takes her. 🙂

    1. She’s suffering, sure, but she definitely sees herself in a melodramatic light.

  10. Quite the adventure she’s on–not boring at all!

    This virus might not turn us into geniuses, but I’m hoping it makes us smarter!

    1. Or at least it’ll teach to keep away from other people and how to get by without a job.

  11. Poor woman, sounds like she needs some adventure in her life. I ready to know more about Janet and how things will unfold for her.

    1. Oh, she’s about to get more adventure than she can handle.

  12. Very nice snippet, and I feel for Janet. The only thing that irked me was the first line ‘Janet sat straighter’. Perhaps a simile or the like, say ‘Janet sat straight as a flagpole’. Just a thought.

    1. Interesting suggestion, Frank. Since this is still just a draft, I may yet incorporate it.

  13. I’m enjoying this story so far, lots of intriguing hints to ponder. She certainly does seem mixed up…but determined. Great snippet1

    1. ‘Mixed up but determined… yeah, that’s Janet. At the beginning of the book she does a lot of things she doesn’t understand, but self-knowledge will come. At a price.

  14. I don’t blame her for wanting to pursue a more exciting life. Suburbia is the epitome of boring to me. Though not knowing where you’re going in a strange place can sometimes lead to trouble, not adventure.

    1. I hadn’t really thought of it, but of all the addresses I’ve had in my life, over 30, none of them have been in suburbs.

  15. Diane Burton · · Reply

    I’m so intrigued about her and that island. I’m not a cat person, but those videos are fun. Stay safe, Ed.

    1. Not a cat persona? I’ll try to keep Effing from leaning of this heinous confession.

  16. Elaine Cantrell · · Reply

    I can’t wait to find out what happens on the island.

    1. It’s quite a long voyage of discovery. I’ve never written such a long book as this.

  17. I hope she figures out her way. Intrigued to know more.

    1. At the moment she doesn’t need to know her way. She has the boat captain to guide her.

  18. I hope she doesn’t regret this move. I know boring is…well, boring. But from the way this island is described, well, maybe she should rethink her options before it’s too late. Or maybe it is already too late. Great snippet, Ed. I want to know more too!

    1. If you want to know more, stop by again next week!

  19. Oh man, I hope she can find her way back. Something sounds fishy—like maybe the man is lying to her. Interesting snippet.

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

    1. I’m glad I could get you speculating about what might happen.

  20. I wonder whether she’s actually convinced of what she’s doing. Interesting snippet.

    1. Sometimes she’s actually convinced, other times she’s not.

  21. Not sure she’s too sure about this, is she? BUt guess saving face is better than anything, Can’t wait to read what happens next.

    1. You’re right about her being unsure, and that’s a bad thing when you’re taking an irrevocable, life-changing step.

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