Effing Feline finds proof of God #wewriwa

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, am not like Mr V’s nutty characters. I’ve never had any trouble “searching for God” or anything silly purrsuit like that. What can I say? Certainty is part of being a feline.

This week I have two messages from sponsors. Commercial #1: If you’re ‘socially distancing’ (which we cats invented) and bored out of your skull, Ed wants me to point out that one of his favorite sci fi roms, The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station, is currently available for free. You’ve got nothing to lose!

Commercial #2: Last week in The Solid Gold Aliens, we met met Major Rullitch, a man who hears voices in his head. In case you don’t realize it, that is not a good sign, especially for someone who has guns and is in charge of security.

Rullitch is an offworlder who doesn’t care for planet Jones, as we learn in this snippet. But he does like — even adore — the solid gold sloths that were recently discovered there.

Other human worlds glittered with electric lights, but aside from the pathetic hamlet of Offie Town at the foot of this mesa, Jones slumbered in a candlelit stupor. The uncivilized heathens in the Rift were beneath the notice of a gentleman and an officer; rumor said they slept wherever they happened to be when darkness fell, be it road, pigsty, or outhouse. He believed it, too, although he’d never ventured off Heaven’s Table, which housed the planet’s lone spaceport.

Rullitch ran both hands over the stubble on his shaved head and turned to the huge golden statue for strength and salvation. It sat upright, with its stubby tail acting as the third leg of a stool. In the open palm of its top-left hand it held a four-winged bird in an attitude of . . . something Hunger . . . supplication . . . love for a pet?

One side of the statue had been peeled to reveal golden muscles and golden bones and a golden stomach filled with half-digested, golden food. This was no work of art, but a once-live creature.

Transformation into gold, the old alchemists’ dream, was impossible, yet it had happened.

How? Scientists speculated, but Rullitch knew how — it was a miracle, proof that God existed.

Effing Feline here again. A sloth proves the existence of God? Ridiculous. This picture, not some dorky creature Ed made up, proves the existence of God!

Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

The Solid Gold Aliens

For 500 years, the aliens were no threat. But they were just waiting . . .

All Tresky Buffrum wants is a taste of adventure before resigning himself to the life of a shepherd.  What he gets instead is a mysterious wife, fiercely chaste, who drags him to the Midas Crater, where hundreds of the planet’s intelligent natives have been transformed into gold.

Everyone on the caravan has an ulterior motive — except Tresky, who just wants to make love to his wife. Spies are everywhere. An Offworlder hero runs mad and murders people. A grim policewoman becomes attracted to Tresky while struggling to capture the psychotic sniper.

Observing this bizarre trek across the desert is an old, mute, lion-like alien. After befriending Tresky despite stern taboos, Virtrillica seeks a reason for her people to spare humans from a blast of extinction. Can the two of them save humankind and defeat the interplanetary conspirators who seek to destroy the Midas Crater and its sinister yet liberating secret?

38 comments

  1. This guy sounds like a piece of work! And the staue, fascinating in a creepy sort of way.

    Effing…oh Effing. Whatever shall we do with you??? lol

    I thoroughly enjoyed The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station, and recommend it to anyone looking for a way to escape the current, stressful reality of life.

    1. Thanks for the testimonial, Teresa!

  2. Cara Hartley · · Reply

    Oh gosh, I do feel sorry for the sloth.
    Rullitch is wonderfully unhinged. I’m enjoying speculating on what he may do next.
    ~Cie from Naughty Netherworld Press~

    1. ‘Wonderfully unhinged’ — that’s an apt description of him. Later, he becomes dangerously unhinged. Later still, heroically unhinged.

  3. interesting snippet … and conclusion of the existence of God.

    1. The bit about proof of God says a lot about Rullitch. You’ve heard the saying, “There are no atheists in a foxhole?” Since he’s teetering on the edge of madness’s foxhole, he sees God everywhere. (Not that he’s necessarily wrong, mind you.)

  4. Linda Hamonou · · Reply

    Yes, I’m with Effing on this. “I don’t know therefore God” isn’t really my thing either.

    1. Ah, but he’s looking for a savior to rescue him from the looming threat of madness, which colours his thinking.

  5. What in the world is about to happen. Scary.

    1. And what did happen to turn living creatures into gold?

  6. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    An interesting stature! And great world building in this snippet!

    1. Thanks, Jessica. Planet Jones is a distinctive place, so it’s easy to describe it in a way that seems interesting.

  7. You never no what happens next.

    1. Not true, Charmaine! I’m the author, so I know exactly what happens next!

  8. A weird “statue” and a strange guy.

    1. Hopefully, both statue and guy raise questions in readers’ minds.

  9. Things don’t look good in this world! Yipes!

    1. True . . . but it becomes clear that Rullitch’s opinion of Planet Jones is quite prejudiced.

  10. Well just all kind of fascinating details in that snippet and now I have so many questions, which is a good thing for me as a reader. Wow, terrific excerpt!

    1. This is like candy to my ears, Jean!

  11. That statue does sound pretty creepy. I somehow doubt God had a hand in it, though. Such an intriguing story so far, Ed!

    And yes, Effing, cats have been considered gods since the very wise ancient Egyptian civilization. 🙂

    1. Effing still considers himself a god.

  12. Lots of interesting things going on in this snippet.

    1. Yeah, there’s a lot crammed into these ten sentences. Hopefully it is too much for readers to keep in mind.

  13. Diane Burton · · Reply

    Creepy statue. I loved Guardian Angel of Farflung Station. Such a great book. I heartily recommend it.

    1. Another testimonial! Thanks so much, Diane.

  14. The description of the statue gave me a chill.

    1. Imagining how much a 9-foot long solid gold statue is worth gives me the chills, too.

  15. Cathy Brockman · · Reply

    Feline cracks me up! I posted your free book on my freebie page for you

    1. Wonderful. Thanks,Cathy!

  16. Elaine Cantrell · · Reply

    I’m betting that this guy is very dangerous. He heard voices last week, and now we know he detests everyone on the planet and thinks he’s talking to God.

    1. Red flags, anyone?

  17. nancygideon · · Reply

    Sounds like a new religion of crazies could erupt at any second! Save us, Efffing!

    1. Him, save us? He’d be vying to become cult leader!

  18. A miracle… of proof of the existence of God… for what purpose? to torment? and example?

    1. On an alien planet, where might the pursuit of God lead? And what will Rullitch find at the end of his pursuit?

  19. Nice snippet 🙂

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

    1. You keep safe, Yawatta.

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