Effing Feline aspires to sloth #wewriwa

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, wish I was a sloth. (Hey, you in the back row — I heard that crack about me sleeping all day like a lazy sloth! You’ll regret that!)

The sloths I refer to aren’t the large, slow-moving beasts from South America, but the large, slow-moving creatures from planet Jones. They’re most everything I aspire to, and I’ll tell you why after this word from our sponsor, TSGA (pronounced tuh sugga), aka The Solid Gold Aliens.

Naive shepherd Tresky Buffrum meets beautiful Ebbril and marries her, but she takes his money and abandons him at The Happy Louse Inn. He defies taboo and common sense by sitting with a sloth, the mute natives of the planet. NOBODY approaches a sloth. Except Tresky

Last week, we saw Ebbril’s unapologetic return. There was a hint of why she married him (“The moment we married, your money became mine, legally and morally”), but she informs him she’s leaving again — already. Tresky assumes he’s going with her.

“I’m going to the Midas Crater; you can come or not, as you wish.”

“The place where the golden Sloths were discovered? But it’s so far, and dangerous, too.”

When she didn’t react, he reached out defiantly and placed his hand on the Sloth’s fingers. And when he leaned back and rested his cheek against the Sloth’s head, Ebbril’s eyes went wide. Market Square erupted in gasps and cheers and coins flew — half-silvers and one heavy copper pelted his head and littered his trousers, though most fell to the ground.

Ebbril claimed to be ethical, and he had to believe her because she was his wife, but her moral code mystified him. By his code, however, letting his bride take a long, treacherous journey alone would be wrong.

“I wanted to see the wide world, so I’ll go with you.” He waved his hand grandly, as though the idea had been his all along; “To the Midas Crater!”

Effing Feline here again. Here’s why I admire these sloths:

  • They’re sentient and very intelligent, as shown by the fact that they do little work. That’s not laziness, that’s smarts!
  • They’re devious. People who mess with them mysteriously vanish in the middle of the night. Yeah!
  • They’re tough. Nobody messes with a Sloth. Nobody!
  • They read people’s minds. If you’ve ever wondered why your cat stares at you, here’s your answer!

Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

The Solid Gold Aliens

For 500 years, the aliens were no threat. But they were just waiting . . .

All Tresky Buffrum wants is a taste of adventure before resigning himself to the life of a shepherd.  What he gets instead is a mysterious wife, fiercely chaste, who drags him to the Midas Crater, where hundreds of the planet’s intelligent natives have been transformed into gold.

Everyone on the caravan has an ulterior motive — except Tresky, who just wants to make love to his wife. Spies are everywhere. An Offworlder hero runs mad and murders people. A grim policewoman becomes attracted to Tresky while struggling to capture the psychotic sniper.

Observing this bizarre trek across the desert is an old, mute, lion-like alien. After befriending Tresky despite stern taboos, Virtrillica seeks a reason for her people to spare humans from a blast of extinction. Can the two of them save humankind and defeat the interplanetary conspirators who seek to destroy the Midas Crater and its sinister yet liberating secret?

36 comments

  1. Well, Ed. I leave for one year and you take up with sloths. Sloths! Cute snippet.

    1. The Slothful Writer . . . that’s me.

  2. This is getting curiouser and curiouser, well done – and Effing finally explains the mystery of why cats stare.

    1. Effing’s explanation of why cats stare is as good as any other, I suppose . . . though personally I’ve always suspected that a certain vacancy of mind precipitates the stares.

  3. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    With all that money flying around, he may be able to afford to go with her. That is, if the sloths don’t get him first.

    1. The money from his sojourn on the slothporth does come in handy later on.

  4. Like the other onlookers, I’m amazed the sloth didn’t react to his touch. He’s braver than his wife had imagined.

    1. This sloth is old and tired — and quite as impressed by Tresky’s bravery as everyone else is.

  5. I like that Tresky is standing up and making a decision to go with his wife. I think there’s more to this guy than we currently suspect. Great snippet! Tweeted!

    1. There’s more to Tresky that even HE suspects.

  6. Well I LIKE it. And the sloths are such a wonderful creation. I appreciate that he’s showing some backbone and strength here too. Great snippet!

    1. Although I haven’t shown anything from this sloth’s POV, she’s a major character in her own right. Her motivations are rather complex and require some understanding of her race — all of which is hard to convey in 10-sentence snippets..

  7. Diane Burton · · Reply

    He’s got more courage than I expected. Good for him! I’m enjoying this story.

    1. He’s more naive and inexperienced than he is stupid, and his character arc in this book will take him a very long way from where he starts out.

  8. Wait, why is he cuddling up to the sloth? To prove he’s every bit as crazy as she is? Whatever his reason, it’s a great scene.

    1. Here’s an explanatory sentence Effing didn’t choose to show you: “Tresky’s self-confidence returned, though touching a Sloth was a daft way to assert his manhood.”

  9. Methinks his wife grows on him. 🙂 Great snippet!

    1. He is totally besotted with Ebbril. The males of his tribe are one-woman men, which has something to do with it, too.

  10. What a guy! This is a wonderful scene-as always.

    1. THanks, Charmaine!

  11. LOL! He’s so unassuming . . . and yet clever in his own clueless way. He’s managed to snag a capable wife.

    1. “Clever in his own clueless way . . .” Yes, I think that captures some truth about Tresky.

  12. julieevelynjoyce · · Reply

    I always enjoy the snippets you share from Tuh sugga, especially ones containing sloths! I like that Tresky. He seems like a good seed.

    1. I’m glad you feel that way, considering that I feel the same.

  13. Elaine Cantrell · · Reply

    I still can’t make up my mind about here, but he’s impressed me with his treatment of the sloth.

    1. I authoritatively approve of your current assessments of both Tresky and Ebbril.

  14. Sounds like they’re off to an adventure together 🙂

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

    1. Many of of the best sci fi books are ‘travelogues’ that teach the reader about people and an alien way of life. The Solid Gold Sloths follows this pattern.

  15. Cathy Brockman · · Reply

    I want to be a sloth cat too. Lol

    1. I’ll take that as a compliment Cathy!

  16. So this is the first I’ve read in awhile, Tresky seems kind of single-minded? At least from the blurb, lol. 🙂 Looking forward to reading more.

    1. At the moment, yes, he’s single-minded, but that’s because his bride got him drunk on their wedding night, stole all his money, and left him alone in an inn called The Happy Louse.

  17. This should be an adventure!!

    1. That’s my intent, yes.

  18. I love how Tresky seems almost child-like. This snippet begs all sorts of questions.

    Effing, I’ve watched some cats move and I have to say, I think maybe they’re related to, maybe even cousins with the sloths. lol Sorry. Couldn’t resist.

    1. Effing only response was, and I quote, “Hiss!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: