Effing Feline declares war #wewriwa

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, am furious. And determined. Last week Lisabet — whom I thought a friend because she has featured me on her website — rubbed my nose in the fact that I’ve never caught a mouse.

In my defense, Mrs Valentine is too good a housekeeper to ever allow mice in her home, and since I’m a house cat, that kinda limits my opportunities. But this means war — I’m gonna get me a mouse or die trying!

But first, a word from our sponsor, The Solid Gold AliensNaive shepherd Tresky Buffrum meets beautiful Ebbril and marries her the very next day. But she takes his money and abandons him at The Happy Louse Inn. He waits all day on a slotporch, in case she returns — and to his surprise, she does. Instead of apologizing, though, she defends herself aggressively. Tresky’s last complaint was “But the Happy Louse,” he said, hating the whine in his voice but unable to help it.

“It was cheap and I need to watch my money.”

Your money?”

“By the customs of my people, property is held in common by man and wife. The moment we married, your money became mine, legally and morally. And there’s not much left.”

“What? How can you have spent it all in one day? There was enough to live on for months!”

“But scarcely enough to get me where I’m going.”

This was happening too fast. He hadn’t adjusted to her return, yet she was already leaving? Gasparre women were domineering — they wore the skirts in the family — yet they were nothing compared to Ebbril. His head throbbed again. “Mind telling me where we’re going?”

Effing Feline here again. I’ve completed my preparations for mouse hunting. Think I’ll have any luck?

Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

The Solid Gold Aliens

For 500 years, the aliens were no threat. But they were just waiting . . .

All Tresky Buffrum wants is a taste of adventure before resigning himself to the life of a shepherd.  What he gets instead is a mysterious wife, fiercely chaste, who drags him to the Midas Crater, where hundreds of the planet’s intelligent natives have been transformed into gold.

Everyone on the caravan has an ulterior motive — except Tresky, who just wants to make love to his wife. Spies are everywhere. An Offworlder hero runs mad and murders people. A grim policewoman becomes attracted to Tresky while struggling to capture the psychotic sniper.

Observing this bizarre trek across the desert is an old, mute, lion-like alien. After befriending Tresky despite stern taboos, Virtrillica seeks a reason for her people to spare humans from a blast of extinction. Can the two of them save humankind and defeat the interplanetary conspirators who seek to destroy the Midas Crater and its sinister yet liberating secret?

35 comments

  1. lol! I’m not sure he’s going with her.

    Poor, poor Effing. I’m already looking forward to reading of your mousescapades! Adventure awaits. A mouse safari? Perhaps you go on a mouse hunting excursion and hire a guide? How about a mousing charter for hire?

    1. Effing says to tell you your safari service is hired, and pick him up after his third afternoon nap. I hope you know what you’ve gotten yourself in for!

  2. Effing, I deeply apologize if I offended you.

    On the other hand, it’s always a good thing to acquire new skills.

    Mousies, beware!

    1. I wouldn’t worry too much about offending Effing. He’s a cat, remember. Short attention span and all that.

  3. Cathy Brockman · · Reply

    Poor feline… I don’t think a gun will work( back to the opposable thumbs delemna)

    1. If by chance Effing managed to shoot the mouse, there’d be nothing left of it either eat or display as a trophy. As usual, Effing hasn’t thought this through.

  4. That’s what happens when the man takes over BUT he is in big trouble since women almost always turn his plan.

    1. He doesn’t even have a clue what her plan is yet. He’ll find out next week, though.

  5. I loved the reversal of They wore the skirts in the family.

    1. I thought that line might find a ready audience among Weekend Writing Warriors.

  6. Poor Effing! Gotta love him.
    Poof – she’s back, then she’s leaving – he’ll never know what hit him. Hope he gets to go along, I think!

    1. Poor Tresky. He may get whiplash from Ebbril’s sudden changes of direction.

  7. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    I noticed she said “where I’m going” while he said ” where we’re going.” Makes me wonder if she’ll take him along or leave him behind.

    1. Ah, you picked up on their different wording — good. Your question should be answered next week.

  8. Somehow I don’t think Ebbril is part of her plans to leave. He has gotten himself into a royal mess married to her. 🙂 Great snippet!

    Effing, what’s the sport in using a gun? The mouse will disintegrate and you’ll have nothing left to ear! Use your innate hunting skills and get your paws dirty!

    1. A royal mess — yes! And the mess will spend the next 200 pages getting stickier and stickier.

  9. Did she marry him for his money, or does she have another use for him? I get this feeling there wasn’t much romance involved in their brief courtship.

    1. Not only wasn’t there much romance in their courtship, she’d determined to remain chaste even though they’re married.

  10. She didn’t necessarily say he was going with her…hmmm. Very intriguing and I feel sorry for the guy (but he is rather dim so far). But a fun snippet – she’s a powerful character all right, which you show us so clearly!

    1. By the end of the book, the tables will have turned: he’s the strong one.

  11. He seems to have dug himself a deep hole and I’m wondering if he’ll be able to clamber out!

    Effing, I love the picture, but don’t you think a gun is a little over the top? Have you thought of placing a bit of cheese outside the mousehole and just hiding in wait? (On second thoughts, forget that, my sympathy’s with the mouse!)

    1. At least the deep hole he’s dug for himself isn’t a mouse hole . . . though come to think of it, Tresky is kind of mousy.

  12. Diane Burton · · Reply

    Sure noticed how domineering she is. Wow! She’s determined to make sure he knows who’s wearing the skirt in the family.

    1. Yep, she steamrolls here way right over him. The woman has no conception of subtlety.

  13. Love this line “your money became mine, legally and morally”. enjoyed the read, looking forward to more next week.

    1. And thus we discover part of the reason she married him!

  14. I’d like to know where they’re heading, too. I have to feel a bit sorry for the guy. He is a bit overwhelmed.

    1. He is rather out of his depth. Never fear, though, thing’ll get better for him . . . after they get worse.

  15. Ah, but she didn’t say anything about where “they” are going.

    1. Not yet, not yet.

  16. Hehe! I hope kitty gets his mouse. And great snippet! I love how flat aback he’s left at every turn with this woman.

    1. He’s no match for her, at the beginning of the book at least.

  17. Nice snippet. Enjoyed the back and forth

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

    1. These two do a lot of bickering, which was fun to write.

      1. Hey, Ed, I bet it was. Dialogue is my favorite thing to write in scenes.

        Keep smiling,
        Yawatta

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