Effing Feline finds the purrfect Christmas present #wewriwa

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, am chuffed, thrilled, and purring. Finally, finally, I have gotten the glory I deserve — though not from my pet human, Mr Valentine.

As many of you know, Ed’s called Mr Valentine after inspiring a Rita-Award finalist book of that name by a friend, Vicki Lewis Thompson. It’s about a guy with glasses (like Mr V) in the Pacific Northwest (where Mr V lived before Arizona) who writes a romance novel (like Mr V). The absolutely purrfect Christmas present for all your friends, starring ME, wonderful ME, right up front, is . . .

Well, you’ll have to wait until after this word from my sponsor, Alien Contact for a Christmas Nutcracker.

Holly Jansen has gone to Kwadra, the alien island transported to the Pacific off the coast of Washington from an alternate Earth. She calls her brother, Paul, on a phone that’s right next to a tall, dark, and handsome Kwadran who doesn’t leave to give her privacy. When the call’s over, she confronts him. (Editing from the published version.)

“Eavesdropping is rude, you know.”

At that, he smiled: he wasn’t a huge man, probably average height and lanky rather than bulky, yet he loomed like no man of average height should.

“You take my cherry,” he said in perfect but confusing English.

Only one meaning for that sentence sprang to mind, but that couldn’t be what he meant; for one thing, he was too old for virginity, in his thirties at least, and if he were bluntly demanding sex — well, Kwadrans didn’t have that kind of reputation. “Uh,.well . . .”

“You are the first American female I’ve met,” he clarified.

“Oh, okay.” Surely the risqué overtones of that remark stemmed from unfamiliarity with English idioms, but his dark eyes flashed with something resembling humor.

“Your brother speaks wisdom — you must always stand up for yourself. Straighter!”

Startled, she snapped to attention.

Effing Feline here again. Mr Valentine — the book, not my pet human — has been turned into a manga graphic book! It’s the purrfect Christmas present for all your friends. Just look at the first page to see why!!!

So help spread my glory. Buy the book. Read it. Gift it. And then be sure visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

Disclaimers: #1 – It’s Japanese, so read the ‘bubbles’ from right to left. #2 – Neither Ed nor I get a penny from this marvelous depiction of my felininity!

Alien Contact for a Christmas Nutcracker

The Nutcracker ballet — for and by aliens?!?

Holly Jansen, a young orchestra conductor down on her luck, is secretly hired by the king from an alternate Earth to conduct The Nutcracker on Kwadra Island as a Christmas present for his American wife. This big break seems like a Christmas miracle — but after meeting the lead dancer, she wonders if it’s a curse, instead.

Because the Kwadran queen has secretly ordered superstar dancer Rafael Sekwa to produce a potlatch dance honoring her husband’s ancestors — on the same date, time, and stage as The Nutcracker. The stubborn genius is determined to do it no matter what, and Holly finds her goals and ambitions melting in the face of her growing admiration. Will love cost her all her dreams?

33 comments

  1. Gee, you’re cute, Effing….

    1. He knows, he knows.

  2. His English is confusing all right … LOL …

    1. I just couldn’t resist.

  3. Made me laugh out loud, well done! And kudos to Effing 🙂

    1. I think of all the times I’ve made French and Quebecois people laugh when I opened my mouth . . . this time, at least, the joke isn’t on me.

  4. I’ve said this before but Ed, you are a wonder with all your snippets cracking this writer up week after week.

    1. Sometimes what comes across as humor I intend as just a touch of irony. In this book, I’m trying for ‘funny’.

  5. You’ve done it again, Effing Feline. (Ed too.) I can imagine Holly’s expression at Rafe’s words,”You take my cherry.” The same expression I’d have! The graphic novel is awesome. Fantastic illustrations.

    1. I discovered the graphic novel by accident, since Vicki didn’t bother to let me know it was out.

  6. Well that was an eye opening snippet LOL. The Kwadran better be careful with his cross cultural idioms! The graphic version of the novel looks amazing BTW.

    1. I wasn’t aware that graphic romance novels were a thing now . . . although “graphic romance novel” conjures a very different kind of book, doesn’t it?

  7. This guy is a cracker of jokes. Or is his translator screwed up? LOL

  8. julieevelynjoyce · · Reply

    I might have to borrow that ‘cherry’ line. Lord knows I’ve tried every other way to land a good guy lol. Great snippet, Mr. Valentine!

    1. Uh . . . I’m not sure the cherry line will actually land you a guy. Catch his interest maybe, but is that really the kind of guy you want?

  9. Hysterical exchange! I went and bought the book because of it. LOL Can’t wait to read. I hope there are more “miscommunications” like that. Great snippet, Ed!

    1. Bought the book, eh? Now that’s what what I call an effective snippet!

  10. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    It’s really hard for people who learn English as a second language, to understand all of our idioms. But I’m glad she was patient with him, and waited for him to explain. I learned French as a kid, but my daughter is constantly correcting my grammar, and I’m trying to learn Korean now. It’s much harder to learn a new language as an adult. A cute snippet! This story is waiting on my Kindle. Must get reading!

    1. Another reader with the book. Wow! Do I ever have fantastic readers here!

  11. Love the misunderstandings between these two. This is a unique holiday story. Enjoyed reading it, Ed!

    1. And a third. My word!

  12. Elaine Cantrell · · Reply

    Hmm. I suspect he knows exactly what he said.

    1. Ah. You suspect him of an impish sense of humor, eh? Could be, could be.

  13. I’m intrigued by the confusing banter. lol I want to know more.

    1. Then read on, Karen!

  14. A unique way of saying she’s his first. I’m looking forward to another fun read.

    1. Hope you enjoy it, Nancy.

  15. Diane Burton · · Reply

    Like the others, I got a chuckle out of the “cherry” comment. Cute. Great description of him.

    1. I’m delighted the humor is working!

  16. I’m sure he knew just how she’d misconstrue his words. Still had me snickering, though.

    1. That was its intent, so I’m glad.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: