I, Effing Feline, do NOT want my teeth cleaned. Hear that, Mr V? No toothbrushing!
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker is a Christmas novella and the 6th installment of the Alien Contact for Idiots series. Holly Jansen got locked out of her apartment because her roommate made off with her part of the rent money, so no she’s in her car, which won’t start. She and her cat are both cold and miserable. Then something happens that makes things worse.
Caution! Holly has a potty mouth.
Her phone buzzed.
Holly fumbled the phone out of her purse. She read the caller’s name, rubbed her eyes, looked again, but it still said the same thing.
His Majesty King Tro Eaglesbrood of Kwadra.
“A prank call?” she said, her voice starting weak but rising to a scream.
Usually she ignored telemarketers and pranksters, but here was a target for her wrath. She answered the call and spoke full blast: “What the fuck do you want, asshole?”
The silence lasted long enough to realize this was the second time in her adult life she’d used the F-word. It left a sour aftertaste, as though she’d forgotten to brush her teeth the morning after the night before.
Which reminded her — her toothbrush was locked in the apartment.
Effing Feline here again. Lady, you should just leave the darned toothbrush locked away!
I’d cuss like Holly Jansen if Ed tries to brush my teeth, but I suppose your cat might not mind it. As a public service, here’s the right way to do it — although I highly recommend using salmon-flavored toothpaste, rather than chicken.
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker
The Nutcracker ballet performed for and by aliens?!?
Holly Jansen, a young orchestra conductor down on her luck, is secretly hired by an alien king to conduct The Nutcracker on Kwadra Island as a Christmas present for his American wife. This big break seems like a Christmas miracle, but after she meets the lead dancer, she wonders if it’s a curse, instead . . .
. . . because the Kwadran queen has secretly ordered superstar dancer Rafael Sekwa to produce a potlatch dance honoring her husband’s ancestors — on the same date, time, and stage as The Nutcracker. The stubborn genius is determined to do so, no matter what, and Holly finds her ambition melting in the face of her growing admiration . . . and love.
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PS — This weekend only, Ed’s Love they Galactic Enemy is on sale for just 99c. Get it while it’s cheap!