I, Effing Feline, insist that Ed stop writing. Immediately. Right now.
Why, you may ask? Because his work has achieved ultimate perfection. One line in today’s snippet tells the deep and honest truth, and nothing he could possibly write can top it.
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker is a Christmas novella and the 6th installment of the Alien Contact for Idiots series. Last week, Holly Jansen got locked out of her apartment because her roommate made off with her part of the rent money. She’s torturing her poor cat, Thug (love that name!) by dragging his carrier through winter rain.
Can you pick out the nugget of profound truth?
“Not far to the car now, Thug.”
She frowned. Now she wasn’t just talking to her cat, she was lying to it. If a woman couldn’t be honest with her cat, who could she be honest with?
As though to punish the lie, the northern gods turned the rain into sleet. Holly never swore—well, hardly ever—but she thought some nasty thing about her lying, stealing Aussie roommate. Ex-roommate.
“There’s the car, for real this time. Soon, Thug, I’ll turn on the heater and you’ll be warm as a freshly caught mouse.”
Her hands were so cold she dropped the car keys into icy water running along the curb. She had to go to hands and knees, in a puddle of course, to get them – and when she finally snagged the keys, it was too dark to see the keyhole so she had to feel around for it with fingers so numb they couldn’t have felt a chainsaw.
Effing Feline here again. The purrfect line is, of course, “If a woman couldn’t be honest with her cat, who could she be honest with?” The answer, of course, is no one. So always, always, be honest with your cat!
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker
Holly Jansen, a young orchestra conductor down on her luck, is secretly hired by an alien king to conduct The Nutcracker on Kwadra Island as a Christmas present for his American wife. This big break seems like a Christmas miracle, but after she meets the lead dancer, she wonders if it’s a curse, instead . . .
. . . because the Kwadran queen has secretly ordered superstar dancer Rafael Sekwa to produce a potlatch dance honoring her husband’s ancestors — on the same date, time, and stage as The Nutcracker. The stubborn genius is determined to do so, no matter what, and Holly finds her ambition melting in the face of her growing admiration . . . and love.
Coming October 21! Pre-order your copy at: