I, Effing Feline, am about to be rolling in catnip. Finally, I have some dirt to hang over the head of my pet human, Ed. Blackmail time!
You see, while curled on the Mrs’s lap, I just saw the movie The Fugitive. A dude named Richard Kimble is searching for a heinous One-Armed Man. My ears went rigid and my fur stood on end, giving me the brilliant idea for blackmail.
But first, this week’s infomercial.
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker is a Christmas novella and the 6th installment of the Alien Contact for Idiots series. Last week we saw Holly Jansen torturing her poor cat by dragging it through winter rain. Call the ASPCA!
When Holly reached a fire hydrant, she balanced the carrier on it while she unzipped her rain jacket and wrapped it around the cat carrier — only to have icicles of wind shoot with vicious joy through the open coat and assault her t-shirt. Tacoma wasn’t supposed to get this cold this soon. She didn’t have gloves, scarf, ear muffs, or winter coat because she hadn’t gotten out her winter clothes yet. And now she couldn’t, because they were behind a padlocked door with the rest of her belongings.
Thug mewled piteously.
“No, I told you, this isn’t my fault.” Which wasn’t quite true; she could’ve chosen a more practical career than conducting an orchestra, like flipping burgers at McDonalds.
A gust of wind, arctic gods laughing at her, turned her coat into a sail; she held onto both cat and coat with difficulty. “I gave my half of the rent money to Deidre every month. How was I to know she was keeping it for a one-way flight back to Perth?”
Effing Feline here again. What does The Fugitive have to do with blackmail?
You may remember that Ed had shoulder surgery to repair his rotator cuff. In the month since, his left arm has been in a sling 24 hours a day, making him a One-Armed Man! If he doesn’t cough up the catnip as steadily as furballs, I’m gonna tell this Richard Kimble guy where he lives. Cue the evil, drunken purr!
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker
Holly Jansen, a young orchestra conductor down on her luck, is secretly hired by an alien king to conduct The Nutcracker on Kwadra Island as a Christmas present for his American wife. This big break seems like a Christmas miracle . . . but after meeting the lead dancer, she suspects it’s a curse, instead.
You see, the Kwadran queen has secretly ordered idealistic Rafael Sekwa to produce a potlatch dance honoring her husband’s ancestors on same date, time, and stage as The Nutcracker! The stubborn genius is determined to do so, no matter what, and Holly finds her ambition melting in the face of her growing admiration . . . and love.
Coming October 21! Pre-order your copy at: