I, Effing Feline, ain’t afraid of nothing!
Except . . .
Except Ed’s office wall. He’s got all sorts of weird stuff up there, all of it guaranteed to give a cat nightmares. A fish that tastes horrible because it’s made of cedar. (I know, I tried it.) A bird with a wooden beak that could pierce a cat’s heart. Masks straight from a bad catnip trip. Hiss!
I’m continuing with the opening scene of Mr V’s sci fi romance, Alien Contact for Kid Sisters. Last week we met Quinn, a con artist from Kwadra, an island inhabited by technologically advanced aliens from an alternate Earth. It’s a duplicate of our Earth’s Vancouver Island — but its inhabitants aren’t Canadians, but descendants of the aboriginal people who lived there before Captain Cook.
Quinn is jacking up the price of a cheap copy of the mask shown below. Edited to fit the guidelines. (And my apologies in advance to any readers from Oklahoma. Blame Ed. He writes this junk, not me.)
With a loving fingertip, Quinn stroked the carving’s ugly, wide-open lips and said, “Fifty dollah more.”
“Wait just one darned minute,” said the man, “isn’t this against the law or something?”
“You no on America now, so Merkin law useless.” Merkin was Kwadran slang for Americans, with sexual connotations most of them didn’t know, despite English being their native language, not his. “Where you from you no know that?”
“Oklahoma,” the man said, “and of course we know Kwadra is a sovereign nation.”
Oklahoma — fleecing these two became even more fun! He wondered if these two thought him a drunken Injun despite his people’s technology being more advanced than anything this version of Earth had yet invented. This one’s for all you downtrodden Oklahoma Indians.
“No heard of Uncle Homo,” he lied; “seventy dollah more.”
Effing Feline here again . . . I think. I hadda roll in catnip so’s to forget tha wall, tha wall, so I’m kinda . . . ya no . . . drunk.
Alien Contact for Kid Sisters
Fleeing murderous rebels, the queen’s sister finds an alien hero
to save her . . . or is he kidnapping her, instead?
Marianne Harmon is sick and tired of being just the kid sister of the famous queen of Kwadra Island, home of the marooned aliens from an alternate Earth. Although she daydreams about being a warrior, when rebels bomb the royal ball she’s shunted to one of the many tunnels that honeycomb Kwadra, where she awaits a captain of the valiant Royal Guardians.
Quinn Lebatarde, a Kwadran scam artist fleeing the police, dons the uniform of a Royal Guardian killed by a tunnel collapse. When Marianne mistakes him for her bodyguard, Quinn can’t decide whether to save the feisty maiden, fall in love with her — or get rich by kidnapping her. With bloodthirsty rebels pursuing them and a treasure map in his pocket, what will he choose?
A worthy follow-up to Alien Contact for Idiots, this tale soars as a grand adventure of science fiction romance in the spirit of Romancing the Stone.