Effing Feline wants salmon pate a la flamboise – #8Sunday

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, sat on Mrs Valentine’s lap today while she watched a cooking show. It made me wonder — why aren’t there any cooking shows for cats?

I don’t mean shows telling cats how to cook. That’d be silly; no opposable thumbs, remember? No, I mean shows about delicacies FOR cats. Yum!

(Today Ed has a proud announcement regarding Alien Contact for Runaway Moms. More information after the snippet.)

Tal Pelletier has escorted Audra Verhailey and her baby to the abandoned underground city where he had lived  before his people hopped Kwadra Island to this Earth. Ever since they met, they’ve nursed their own expectations about each other, and here their misunderstanding boils to the surface. Audra speaks first.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Give me my backpack.”

He tilted his head to one side, confused. “No.”

“What do you mean, no?”

“What do you mean? I thought you understood. We need each other.”

“I don’t need any man, and as for you needing me, I’m nobody’s sex toy.”

It was then that he realized she understood absolutely nothing.

Effing Feline here again. The delicacy I’d most like to eat is flaming salmon patty. In cookies cookese, that translates to salmon pate a la flamboise, or something like that. I’m neither Quebecois nor French, so pardon ma’s Fronsay.

While I salivate, check out the other writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

Special announcement

Alien Contact for Runaway Moms
She’s running from an abusive lover…but what is she running to?

It’s here.

The moment you’ve been waiting for.

You can let out your breath now. Loosen that tight grip on your sanity.

Alien Contact for Runaway Moms is escaping into the wild on September 1. Better yet: It’s available now for pre-order from these fine retailers — and more to follow. Order your copy now!



  1. It seems like the misunderstandings are just getting started, and won’t resolve quickly or easily.

    1. This understanding partly stems from them hailing from such different cultures.

  2. That last line summarizes everything! I imagine, the next line is pretty interesting, too. A pre-order, nice, TY.

    Tell Effing, wild-caught salmon is the best.

    1. Fresh caught salmon, yes! In my youth, I taught in a one-room school on a small island off the north coast of Vancouver Island. Teachers in cities might get apples. I got big slabs of salmon, whole crabs . . . yum.

  3. You’re making poor Effing drool, Ed!

    1. “Poor Effing?” I don’t know any “poor” Effing.

  4. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    I wonder how they’re going to get through this misunderstanding. Great snippet!

    1. Because of his culture, he has one set of expectations. She has another.

  5. nancygideon · · Reply

    That girl’s got to learn to trust sometime/someone, and I’m thinking she’s come to that spot/person.

    1. That kind of sums up the novel.

  6. So realistic, I felt as though I was watching people I know.

    1. That’s saying a lot, considering the science fiction setting.

  7. Congrats on the pre-order!
    A fun twist as usual in your snippet. And salmon patty sounds delicious.

    1. Not just any old salmon patty, a flambe patty. (Not flamboise; that’s my little word play on the French word for raspberry, framboise.)

  8. Language is weird. Words are so imperfect for conveying meaning, it’s a wonder we ever understand each other. That being said, it’s entertaining to watch these two talking at cross purposes! 🙂

    And congrats!

    1. It is weird, isn’t it? Words are frightfully imperfect, yet we create people and worlds out of them.

  9. But then he doesn’t understand anything about her either, does he? You do a great job of presenting each their perspectives in an entirely relatable way. Nobody is wrong, it’s just the difficulty of communication. I will go pre-order this now! Congrats!

    1. Don’t tell my wife, Alexis, but I love you!

  10. I still say she seems unreasonably obsessed…but I agree with other commenters that you’ve certainly done a terrific job of making it so clear how they really don’t understand each other at this moment. An interesting dynamic…a tense snippet and I wonder what will happen next!

    1. My wife agrees with you, and I’ve made a lot of changes to calm Audra down. She’s still obsessed with her baby and with getting away from one guy rather than flirting with another, but she not quite as manic about it.

  11. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    I think they need to chat and clear a few things up.

    1. A chat might not be enough. They don’t even know what they don’t know about each other.

  12. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    Pre-ordered a copy. 🙂

    1. I love you as well as Alexis, Karen!

  13. At least he’s starting to realize that there are some misunderstanding and miscommunications, hopefully soon they can start to get on the same page. I feel like there will be a lot of difficult conversations coming up soon though.

    1. Realizing they needed time to work out their differences, I stretched the novel’s time span to a longer-than-usual four weeks.

  14. Diane Burton · · Reply

    1st, congrats on your upcoming release. If you want some free promo, email me: dmburton72@gmail.com (that goes for any of the Warriors with new releases)

    2nd: Effing has some pretty rich tastes. Good ole cat food isn’t enough?

    3rd: Love this excerpt. Obviously, Audra & Tal have some mistaken ideas. I’ve enjoyed the snippets you’ve been posting and pre-ordered my copy. Best wishes.

    1. 1st – Free promo is always welcome. I’ll add contacting you to my release schedule . . . when I have a release schedule, that is.

      2nd – You’re suggesting that Effing eat cat food? What a novel idea.

      3rd – Yet another lady I love. I’m turning into a regular Lothario!

  15. Great snippet. And good luck with the upcoming release.

    1. Thanks, Chris. Effing sends his thanks, too — he never realized you were a cat!

  16. Uh-oh, sounds like the misunderstandings are just piling up. Makes for good fiction!

    1. It’s still early in the book, so the misunderstandings and problems need to keep accumulating.

  17. Here, Here, You tell em’! Love me some strong characters.

    1. The power of her reply is somewhat diluted by the fact that this isn’t what he meant at all.

  18. I adore the last line!

    1. “I just want to kiss you,” said the bat to the rodent. “Clearly, you understand absolutely nothing!”

  19. Ha! Can’t wait to see him try and talk his way outta that one!

    1. He has a better way of dealing with her, Amy.

  20. As well as forgetting to register for this weeks snippets (although I do have one up, thanks for commenting Ed) I actually made a comment earlier but it seems to have been eaten (Effing, what are you chewing?) Anyway, congrats on the forthcoming release, and I’m so intrigued by the snippets I’ve preordered a copy!

    1. Forget Effing — what horrible things did you say about my poor little manuscript to make the filters delete your entire comment? Sheesh, Hywela, I thought you were a friend.

      1. Aw Ed – I’m heartbroken! How could you think I’d ever say anything horrible about your Manuscript – and after I even went the ‘further mile’ and pre-ordered it! *sob*

      2. There, there. Stop crying please!

  21. Elaine Cantrell · · Reply

    The last line is great. It says a lot.

    1. When selecting a snippet, I always aim for a last-line zinger and work back from there.

  22. Okay … we’re getting somewhere. I like that last line, and hopefully they both get things sorted now.

    1. Well, it’s still early in the book. They won’t get too far just yet — it isn’t that kind of book.

  23. I can feel the floodgates opening with your last line. The culture and expectation clash is great. I have known people who have personal expectations of others and read actions to fit their narrative painting your motives in a different light. It’s off-putting until you both sort it out. Look forward to seeing how this plays out.

    1. Yes, that’s exactly what’s happening here.

  24. Oh Effing, you make me laugh 🙂 I’m sure there is a cooking show for cats/dogs out there somewhere, it definitely wouldn’t surprise me.

    Ed, great excerpt! I am definitely interested to see what he will say to her in response.

    1. I imagine that YouTube has a cat cooking show. Effing would prefer a prime time show with high production values.

  25. I’m really curious as to what he expected from her. Congrats on the upcoming release!

    On Sun, 22 Jul 2018 at 04:22, Ed Hoornaert (Mr. Valentine) wrote:

    > Ed Hoornaert posted: ” I, Effing Feline, sat on Mrs Valentine’s lap today > while she watched a cooking show. It made me wonder — why aren’t there any > cooking shows for cats? I don’t mean shows telling cats how to cook. That’d > be silly; no opposable thumbs, remember? ” >

    1. I am sooooo glad to have this manuscript off my desk!

  26. I wonder what she doesn’t understand… And how much he really understands about her. And I’m curious as to why he wouldn’t give her her backpack.

    1. She thinks he’s helping her for sex. He thinks she was sent to him to teach him how to become whole again.

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