Effing Feline pees on that #8sunday

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, am livid with rage! I’ve discovered that some jerk has stolen MY money.

Last week I showed you one of my greatest poems. You have to admit, it would’ve made a great book. But what did I learn? Some jerk has stolen my greatness and made a litter box full of money with a book called I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats. I’m outraged at this theft of MY IDEA!

But back to my job: writing this blog.

Ed is working on rewrites of his near-future SFR tentatively titled Audra Fleeing Audra Finding. Audra Verhailey, a runaway young mother, flees with her baby from Oregon to Kwadra Island — a “duplicate” of Vancouver Island that its Native American rulers “hopped” here from an alternate Earth.

Penniless and desperate, twenty-something Audra lets a Kwadran construction worker guide her up a wilderness mountain to a back entrance to Kwadra’s abandoned underground cities. She hopes to escape her abusive lover’s threat to get sole custody of her baby; he’s a lawyer, so the threats are believable. A brief flashback shows:

  1. That she has a history of running away from problems, and
  2. Why she panics when she’s alone with Mr. Helpful.

As a young teen, she ran away from home twice — which her foster mother, now her adoptive mother, had totally not deserved — so she knew all about girls who disappeared off the face of the Earth. Years ago, she had shared a tent with a street friend from Montana. They were veging out at Pioneer Courthouse Square when Evangeline met a fleek guy who seemed nice. She had wiggled her fingers at Audra in a cute, see-you-soon wave as she went off with him.

Never to be seen again.

The guy had had dark hair. Audra liked a boy in her class with blond hair, and that was the only reason she hadn’t flirted with this dude. But what if she, rather than Evangeline, had gone off with him . . . ?

She knew all this shit, yet what had she done? Gone off with a dark-haired guy who seemed nice.

Effing Feline here again. I have a plan to get even. I’m going to trademark the word Cat, then send threatening letters to authors with that in their title — and demand all their royalties. That’s a good idea, don’t you think?

Be sure to visit the other writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.


The Trial of Tompa Lee is available on Instafreebie. This science fiction novel with romantic elements rose to #2 in Amazon sci fi back when I released the e-book. It was a hardcover in 2005 (my last foray into trad publishing) and I created the e-book when I got the rights back.

Praise for The Trial of Tompa Lee:

  • “Tompa Lee is an attractive, ambitious vagabond.” — Arizona Daily Star
  • “Ed Hoornaert is a marvelous writer: a terrific, engrossing storyteller and a consummate stylist.”  — Robert J. Sawyer, Hugo-Award winning author
  • “A rollicking romp on a distant planet, full of adventure and heart.” — Amber Belldene, author of the Blood Vine series
  • “Reminiscent of the best of classic Star Trek.”  TheBestReviews.com
  • “Hold a tissue ready, as Mr. Hoornaert knows how to squeeze the heart of the reader.” — Love Romances
  • “Classic science fiction, but with enough character development to interest non-science fiction readers.” — Romance Reviews Today

Learn more about The Trial of Tompa Lee or The Trilogy of Tompa Lee.



  1. Ed, you are remarkable, unique in your style and so much fun to read. Best always.

    1. Thanks so much, Charmaine.

  2. Effing, you are a legal genius!

    Looking forward to the new release, Ed.

    1. Effing has many skills, it seems.

  3. Interesting background story.

    1. I just hope it works well with Audra’s character.

  4. Is Effing getting cocky?
    now, would Audra trust her helper if he were blond?

    1. 1) You have to ask?
      2) No, it’s just an excuse. She’ll grab onto any excuse she can find.

  5. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    I completely understand her hesitance, but I don’t think she had much of a choice here.

    1. That’s a horrible position to be in, but a great position to put a character into.

  6. I hope she learns that hair-color seldom has anything to do with how a guy acts. And I suspect she’s lucky she went off with the current dark-haired dude. She does have a lot of baggage, however. Hoep she works it out. Tweeted.

    1. I think she already knows about the hair color; she’s just struck by the coincidence.

  7. Well this back story does explain a lot – but i think she needs to start trusting him more, after all, if he’d intended to harm her or her baby he could have done it a lot earlier and saved himself some trouble. I do understand her misgivings though. Effing – you’re a genius, but threatening authors is never a good idea – I seem to have heard of someone else who dd something similar and it’s upset a lot of people and hasn’t worked out the way she intended – still you’re such a clever cat you could probably pull it off with a lot more finesse!

    1. Re: the snippet. The reason I chose her to be someone who bounced around as a foster child is the complex of psychological issues many of them have — such as trust. I’m vastly oversimplifying here, but there’s a tendency to test the limits of foster parents. “At some point, these folks will get rid of me, so what are their limits? How far can I go?” In other words, they don’t trust until ALL circumstances have been tried. A few hours of trustworthy behavior doesn’t satisfy.

      Re: Effing. I never expected to read “Effing” and “finesse” in the same sentence.

  8. chrisgrover · · Reply

    Why is it that young girls have trouble trusting the right people, but none whatsoever in trusting the baddies? And Ed, please rein Effing in before he gets you both in a boatload of trouble.

    1. “Rein in Effing” — Why didn’t I ever think of that? I’ll put reins on him! And blinders, too!

  9. Diane Burton · · Reply

    LOL, Effing. Your genius is only surpassed by your ego. That bit of backstory answers a lot of questions, Ed. Good snippet.

    1. I’m glad the backstory helps. I’ll develop it more as the novel progresses.

  10. Well, ok, the backstory helps somewhat but I’m with Hywela, time for this woman to trust her guide a bit more. Thanks for the snippet!

    1. She will, she will — or rather, her distrust squirts out in a different direction.

  11. Ah yes, beware cute strangers at Pioneer Square. Great bit of backstory!

    1. I’m told that it was a good place for guys much younger than me to meet some of Portland’s homeless youths.

  12. Hmm – suspecting cute strangers might lead someone into danger.

    1. Trusting them could lead into even more danger.

  13. rosgemmell · · Reply

    Enjoyed reading a bit about the backstory!

    1. It’s not a big flashback, just ten sentences, but I hope it helps to understand her.

  14. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    Enjoyed the backstory and getting to know her better. Gives us a better understanding of her character and her decisions.

    Effing, you are hilarious. lol

    1. If Effing were a nice cat, rather than an irascible sociopath, he wouldn’t be nearly as memorable or hilarious. That’s a sad commentary on the human race, isn’t it?

  15. Ah, Effing, you go for that trademark! It might be a CATastrophe, but humans will forgive you. Just purr at them.

    Another great snippet, too. Your human has amazing insights into how people think, and it makes for memorable characters. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Sheila, stop egging him on!

  16. Sometimes it’s a question of luck, isn’t it? You trust a stranger… it can go a lot of different ways. Very emotional snippet!

    1. Poor Audra had a rough childhood, leaving her with several “wounds” the book could’ve focused on, but I’m using Evangeline’s disappearance as a proxy for all of them.

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