Effing Feline is a poet #8Sunday

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, have a plethora of divine accomplishments, but you may not know that I write poetry worthy of the ages. In honor of Mother’s Day, here is one of my masterpieces:

Roses are red, violets are blue,
You love me, Mommy, and I love me too.

Ed’s nearly completed WIP (now finished! First draft, at least). It’s tentatively title Audra Fleeing, Audra Finding. Audra Verhailey, a runaway young mother, flees with her baby from Oregon to Kwadra Island — a “duplicate” of Vancouver Island that its Native American rulers “hopped” here from an alternate Earth.

Penniless and desperate, Audra lets a Kwadran construction worker guide her up a wilderness mountain to a back entrance to Kwadra’s abandoned underground cities, where she hopes to be safe from her abusive boyfriend. But she defiantly tells the Kwadran she won’t have sex with him, no matter how helpful he is being. Trying to reassure herself about her quiet guide, she asks a question that ends up increasing, not decreasing, her anxiety.

If you didn’t know what a guy wanted or what he was afraid of, there were no handles to grab to steer him in the direction you chose. And he was too alien and spooky for her to grasp anything about him.

When a new possibility hit her, her legs wobbled so much that she lurched to the right and had to lean against a huge tree trunk to keep from falling. “Are you with the police?”

His bark of laughter reassured her — until he spoke. “Only when the gendarmes lock me up.”

Oh God, she’d hooked up with a criminal. “Not for murder?” Please let him not be a murderer. “Or for rape?”

Effing Feline here again. Ed is no poet — you can take my word on that! — but he does have a tagline for Audra Fleeing, Audra Finding. You’ll notice that unlike mine, the tagline doesn’t rhyme:

She’s running from an abusive lover — but what is she running to?

If you have any thoughts about the title, tagline or blurb (below), vent your spleen in a comment. And be sure to visit the other writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

When her abusive lover threatens to take custody of their baby, Audra Verhailey flees to find safety where even he can’t follow: the forbidden underground cities of Kwadra Island.

But can her desire to make a safe and quiet, if isolated, life for her daughter withstand the love of an emotionally damaged Kwadran who vows to fight off rebels determined to expel her from her newfound haven?



  1. I like the tagline, Ed!

    Sorry, Effing, but your poem needs a bit more depth.

    1. His poetry is never more than claw deep.

  2. What is she running to, indeed. She should know better than to trust strangers.

    On Sun, 13 May 2018 at 03:18, Ed Hoornaert (Mr. Valentine) wrote:

    > Ed Hoornaert posted: ” I, Effing Feline, have a plethora of divine > accomplishments, but you may not know that I write poetry worthy of the > ages. In honor of Mother’s Day, here is one of my masterpieces: Roses are > red, violets are blue, You love me, Mommy, and I love m” >

    1. Yeah, that’s pretty much what she’s thinking . . . belatedly.

  3. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    She obviously trusts him somewhat, but at the same time she is so worried for her safety. I hope he is able to calm her fears somehow. Maybe with his answer? Great snippet!

    1. I’m glad there’s some ambivalence.

  4. With the police…oh my…that would be an anxious thought.

    1. Yeah. Why would the police be after her?

  5. julieevelynjoyce · · Reply

    Her continued hysteria involving this guide amuses me. I can totally picture it all in my mind. Effing, I think you’ve really got something there. I can see a book of poetry in your future. Twenty pages. Six poems. Eight-hundred dollars a copy.

    1. Remind me not to consult you about the pricing for this book when it comes out.

  6. Poor Audra. Her situation boggles my imagination. As for Effing’s Mom’s Day poem… I love it and so does my very vain, self-absorbed cat who thinks it’s totally perfect.

    1. I guess Effing writes poetry of and for felines.

  7. Knowing that she comes from an abusive relationship really sheds a light on her behavior. She’s used to adjusting herself to the whims of a violent person. And now she’s trying to meld herself to an alien! Great story concept. Oh, and Effing, someone gave me a book of poems by cats titled “I
    Could Pee On That”. Your little sonnet would fit right in.

    1. I love the title of your cat book. I confess, though, that I didn’t believe it and thus looked it up. This book is real, the cover price is $12.95, and it has 1763 reviews!!!!!

      $12.95 times 1763 equals $28,031. I don’t know about you, but that’s more than I’ve ever made off of one book. Folks, maybe we’re in the wrong racket. Let’s all write cat poetry, instead of fiction!

  8. I definitely understand her stress, and hopefully she can get a little reprieve!

    1. Me, I want her stress to continue through the end of the book. Character stress = tension = engrossing book.

  9. Frankly she;s wearing on me (sorry to be a dissenter here but just goes to show there’s one in every crowd, right?). BUT knowing you and trusting in your smooth writing, I’m sure if I was reading the book end to end, I’d totally get where she’s coming from, because it would all be in context. You do have my curiosity totally up though! And I like his patience with all this so….bottom line, great snippet!

    1. This is just page four and she’s already wearing on you? Not good!

  10. Who can she run to? from a song. Love your stories, Ed. Wish I had hit publish after I wrote the last line for this week’s snippet. See you next week.

    1. I’m afraid I can’t get at your snippet. The Internet just says your domain can’t be found.

  11. The phrase ‘out of the frying pan into the fire’ springs to mind – but then I don’t think so. I’m sure he’d have shown his true colours by now if he were either of what she fears. It may be difficult after what she seems to have gone through but i think she needs to be a little more trusting – or she could end up so nervous shejust might fall and break her neck!

    Effing I’m not sure you’ve actually got the hang of this Mother’s day tribute thing with your poem!

    1. Her thinking is in panic mode, and only partially based on reality.

  12. nancygideon · · Reply

    She has a talent for jumping to the absolute worst conclusions, doesn’t she? As if he’d tell her if he was! Her anxiety and innocence is quite endearing.

    1. She had lived in foster homes, which can cause a person to be distrustful, and it comes out later that she was a teenage runaway who suffered some dicey conduct at male hands.

  13. elainecsc2013 · · Reply

    Love both the tagline and the poem!

    1. You clearly have refined taste in both taglines and poetry.

  14. I can see how her panicked mind would go to an even worse scenario. When you’re scared and alone with a baby to care for you expect the bad stuff. I don’t think he’s either, but I’ can’t wait for his reaction.

    1. She’s good at imagining the worst.

  15. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    I have a feeling she may be able to trust him…at lease somewhat. 🙂 Great snippet.

    1. I’m glad you aren’t certain. I want readers to have questions nagging their minds.

  16. Scary spot to find herself.

    1. Yes, she’s sure scared . . . but determined.

  17. I’m guessing she didn’t have a lot of choices of guides–or time to vet him. But maybe she should stop freaking herself out with questions!

    1. She had no time at all. It was an impulsive decision at a moment when she was at the end of her hope.

  18. Diane Burton · · Reply

    One of the things about our snippets is we don’t know how long the whole scene takes. Her anxiety and helplessness has to be freaking her out. Yet, she has no choice about accepting his help. My heart aches for her. Good job to make me feel for her.

    1. That’s very true about reading 10 sentences at a time. Some scenes may seem like they’re going on and on and on, yet on the printed page that wouldn’t be true.

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