Effing Feline sends you allergens #8Sunday

Photos: DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, was delighted last week when people complained about me ending my selections from Ed’s sci fi romance, Rescuing Prince Charming, on a cliffhanger. You see, I’m not one of those spineless lap cats who seek only to please. No way! The laps I prefer belong to:

  1. People who hate cats.
  2. People who are allergic to cats.

And so, whether you like it or not, I’m switching to Ed’s newest piece of trash. (I call it trash because, unlike Rescuing Prince Charming, it is cat-less and hence worthless.) This new sci fi romance currently has no title, though it’ll be Book Five in the Alien Contact for Idiots series. He hopes to finish it during Camp NaNoWriMo this month, but he’s such a slow writer that I’m sure he’ll fail.

Time: Five years from next mid-summer day.

Place: A forest on a Pacific Northwest island that doesn’t exist . . . yet.

“I don’t care how helpful you’re being,” Audra Verhailey panted with as much defiant dignity as she could muster, “I’m not having sex with you.”

Her lanky, dark-skinned guide — an honest-to-God alien from another world, though he looked like someone you’d meet on an Indian Reservation — slowed his stride. With a faraway expression, as though absorbed in contemplating something on a distant planet, he glanced at her. Then he resumed climbing.

Scowling, she followed. If he got too far away, she’d have to shout, and that might wake Roxie, the best baby on this Earth. The least the alien bastard could do was stop to listen to her.

Effing Feline here again. Are any of you allergic to cats? If so, does reading my posts make your nose itch? I hope so. I want my felininity to be so powerful it sends allergens even across the Internet!

While you’re scratching your nose, be sure to visit the other writers in the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

I’m sure you aren’t interested, but the other books in the Alien Contact for Idiots series are shown here. Although part of a series, each book can stand alone, so you can start anywhere in the series.

If you’ve read any of them but haven’t posted reviews, do you think you can scrounge enough time for at least a short one?

Alien Contact for Idiots
(4.2 stars out of 5 on Amazon)

What’s a woman going to do when she’s quarantined with an out-of-this-world alien?

This book has heroic cats who torment the villain!


Alien Contact for Kid Sisters
(4.6 stars out of 5 on Amazon)

Fleeing murderous rebels, the queen’s sister finds a hero to save her. Or is he kidnapping her, instead?

No cats. Yawn.


Newborn
(4.7 stars out of 5 on Amazon)

She was born to kill. Not love.

Not even one little kitten. How can anyone stand to read this stuff?


Rescuing Prince Charming
(4.7 stars out of 5 on Amazon)

She’s no heroine. He’s no prince charming.

This one features Priscilla the cat in a major role, which makes it Ed’s best book yet!

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46 comments

  1. I love that opening! It certainly catches one’s attention.

    1. Sex and a hint of conflict, guaranteed to sell.

  2. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    A very intriguing opening! I have so many questions already.

    1. Good good good. That’s what the opening is supposed to do.

  3. I like it. Attention grabbing snippet. 🙂

    Ed, I don’t mean to stoke Effing’s ego (cause, Lord knows, he’s got plenty of it already) but I really think you need to write a book with Effing as the main character. 🙂 “he” does make me laugh.

    1. A book about Effing might be hard to do, because he’s a spice, not a main course. Can you imagine eating a plate of chili pepper and nothing else?

  4. Effing, shame on you for disparaging Ed and his works. Where do you think the money for cat treats comes from? No treats for you this week!

    Loved this opening! So many possibilities and so many questions. It certainly grabs the reader and makes them want more! Well done, Ed!

    1. Thanks for the kind words about the opening, Jenna!

  5. Well that’s intriguing! Tell Effing there’s a big old mountain lion based on him lurking in the brush off to the right…great snippet (other than the lack of cats)..

    1. Kwadra Island, where this tale takes place, is a duplicate of Vancouver Island, which is the real-life source of ‘cougar’ as local slang for a mature woman who cruises for younger men. From time to time the island’s cougars (i.e., mountain lions) prey on tiny children. Imagine a kindergarten child waiting at the side of a rural road for the school bus. Kim Cattrall from Sex in the City, is from Vancouver Island, is credited with introducing the slang to the wide world.

  6. Great opening. Raises lots of questions to be answered. Tweeted.

    And I think Effing needs some catnip. It sounds like he’s got Spring Fever.

    1. Effing either needs catnip or he needs to lay off the catnip.

  7. Nothing like being dropped right into the middle of things! Quite the intriguing situation. Oh, and Ed, have you ever thought of getting a PA who’s a little more supportive, like maybe a dog? Or an adorable kitten?

    1. I have a dog, Twiggles, but unfortunately, she’s unimpressed by my literary endeavors. She supports my music, instead. When I practice the oboe, she’ll lie right at my feet, something she rarely does when I’m writing.

  8. If that’s the opening line for the novel, it’s a great hook!

    1. That’s the current opening. I imagine I’ll keep it in its general outlines, but with little tweaks.

  9. Love this, Ed. I’m looking forward to more!

    1. Thanks so much, Abby.

  10. I love that line of dialogue!

    1. Kinda catchy, ain’t it?

  11. Great opening here, Ed – I love it when the first few lines get the reader asking all sorts of questions! As for Effing, I’m not at all allergic to cats, but my little dog took one look and sprang off my chair – I’m afraid he likes to *whisper* chase critters of the feline persuasion!

    1. Maybe Effing and your dog should spend some time together. He could stand to run off a few pounds.

  12. I love the foretelling opening lines, especially the Pacific Northwest island that doesn’t exist…yet!

    1. It’s a duplicate of Vancouver Island, and it’s the inspiration for much of my writing output over the last few years.

  13. Great opening, definitely sets the hook.
    I always end up responding to effing feline, too – my cats always headed straight for the most allergic or cat-hating person in the room. Pheremones? Who knows.

    1. Pheremones? This is deja vu, because yesterday I wrote a scene in this book in which on of the alien search party looking for Audra set off his ‘pheremone inducer,’ causing a moment of generalized (though short-lived) amorousness.

  14. I’m with everyone else on the great hook for the opening. I’m impressed that you continue to write with such an unsupportive assistant!

    1. You think maybe I should fire Effing? Hmm.

  15. An intriguing, if cat-less, beginning to your story!

    1. Ah, you noticed the lack of cats.

  16. julieevelynjoyce · · Reply

    LOL this is awesome! Such a funny, snappy, perfect opening! And Effing, I’m not allergic to cats or their sourpuss personalities, so too bad for you. 😛

    1. Wow, Julie, thanks for the kind words. If you aren’t allergic to sourpuss personalities, that makes you a good candidate for teaching high school.

  17. nancygideon · · Reply

    Oh good! Another spunky heroine! I like her already. I, also, mourn the catlessness of this story but perhaps best baby on this earth can make up for it. Looking forward to another fun read, Ed!

    1. Effing will ever acknowledge that a baby could make up for a lack of puddy tats.

  18. Love your heroine. But no kitty in this story? Does Effing know about this?

    1. Shh. Don’t let Effing know.

  19. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    I’m intrigued to know more. Looking forward to reading how this will all play out. 🙂

    1. Glad to hear it, Karen!

  20. Great opening! Now I want to read on.

    1. Before you can read on, I have to write on. I’m at 20K so far — wish me luck on Camp Nanowritmo.

  21. I’m guessing he brought up sex before, but he seems quite disinterested in her statement. Either he doesn’t care… or he doesn’t believe her. Intriguing snippet!

    1. Actually, he hadn’t brought it up, as the next lines would clarify. She’s bringing it up out of the blue because she’s nervous about it and doesn’t trust him.

  22. Interesting opening of the new book … lots of questions. looking forward to reading more.

  23. If she’s calling him an alien bastard and doesn’t want to have sex with him, then why the hell is she following him? LOL And why does she have a baby with her? Great opening. Good luck with Camp NaNo! I’m sure you’re doing way better than I am this month so far.

    1. Lots of great questions, Daelyn. As for Camp NaNo, I’m doing mediocrely. Is that even a word? At this rate I won’t finish the book or hit my word total, but I’ll get a decent amount written.

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