Vintage Effing Feline – He’s hissed

Originally published March 21, 2015

Quick quiz. Who the heck is Effing Feline?

  1. Blogger on Ed Hoornaert’s blog
  2. A Narcissistic nuisance
  3. The world’s most literary cat
  4. The wildly popular legend in his own mind
  5. All of the above

Effing is a larger than life character (especially around the belly). In case you missed him, Mondays now feature some of Effing’s cattiest moments.

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Meow  hiss merrow!

That’s Cat for I’m mad!

Last week Mr. Valentine (aka Edward Hoornaert) was busy and so gave me, Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, complete editorial control. He wasn’t happy about my spelling. He was particularly upset by “He ISnt’ not even goinna eddit mee.” I just don’t see the problem. You all understood what I meant, right?

Anyway, he’s put me on a short leash. And he’s gonna edit me again. As I said before, meow hiss merrow!

Here are eight more sentences from Mr. V’s new science fiction romance, Alien Contact for Idiots.

Seattle biologist Ell Harmon has been quarantined with Prince Tro Eaglesbrood, the leader of aliens who ‘hopped’ their entire  island nation from an alternate version of Earth, and now they are going to broadcast an interview, hoping to sooth the world’s fears about the invaders from the future. Ell agrees to do the broadcast, even though she feel inadequate because she’s a scientist, not a TV personality:

“Okay.” In case he didn’t understand, Ell added, “I’ll try.”

“Not merely try, achieve.”

“You sound like Yoda,” she muttered.

“This Yoda is a wise man,” Tro said, “and together, we can do anything.”

“He’s a puppet.”

“Pardon?”

“A puppet; Yoda is just a darned puppet.”

Us cats hate leashes. They’re for lower life forms. You know, like dogs.

[I’m inserting this in the middle of the night, one of the advantages of being nocturnal] Do me a favor–DON’T buy Alien Contact for Idiots. That’ll teach Mr. V!

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