Effing Feline is starving

Photos: DepositPhotos

Effing Feline in his svelte youth

I, Effing Feline, am starving. Mr V (my pet human) thinks I ate too much over the holidays, so he’s put me on a diet. He’s starting to call me Jabba the Cat. How humiliating. I’m sure you’ll agree that I don’t need to lose weight!

So I’m asking you — begging you! — to sneak food to me. Ed will never know, I promise.

Here’s another snippet from Rescuing Prince Charming. Dusty Johnson, a tech writer working on Earth’s first starship, is helping a Kwadran (a Native American from an alternate Earth) get rid of a saboteur’s time bomb. Racing against time, they’ve finally made it out of the starship. My apologies for the perhaps crude editing to make this fit the guidelines.

Carrying the bomb, she ran; behind her, the Kwadran’s footsteps banged down the metal ramp, barely loud enough to be heard over the klaxon that still screamed its warning. “Where are you heading?” he called.

He wasn’t even breathing hard. She wanted to kiss him for his bravery and his conditioning. “Only one place to head,” she said as she pointed toward the only natural light in the huge cavern, where a pair of sliding glass doors led to a patio overlooking a fiord. From there, she could throw the bomb into the ocean. “Time?”

“Seventy-eight seconds.”

Yet it was still a long way to the doors. She tried to be a heroine and what did she get? A ticking time bomb eager to remove her appendix.

Effing Feline here again. To feed me, put fresh salmon or, if absolutely necessary, kibble in an envelope and send it to Effing@LordOfEverything.com. Hurry!

When you’ve finished sending me food — and only then — visit the other writers in the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

Rescuing Prince Charming
Alien Contact for Idiots, book four

“Although this is the fourth book in the Alien Contact for Idiots series, new readers will have no problem picking up the threads of the previous outings.   . . .humor is deftly woven in throughout, making this a quick, enjoyable read.”  Romantic Times

“This has one of the best opening scenes ever.” Amazon reader

“This universe is proving to be quite a lot of fun to read!” Whiskey with my Book

“. . . laugh-out-loud dialogue, action, and out-of-this-world sci-fi that didn’t lose me in the technological schematics.” Amazon reader

“The premise of the books is original and interesting.” Amazon reader

“The novel kicks off with a literal bang, and the fast pace continues throughout. . . . Rescuing Prince Charming is hugely entertaining and highly recommended. I haven’t read a romance I enjoyed so much in a long time. ” Beyond Romance

“I could not put this book down.” Amazon Reader




  1. Chortle.

    Sorry, Effing. I have my own cats to deal with.

    1. Just as well. Effing clearly doesn’t understand how e-mail works.

  2. i like her sense of humour in this situation. Great snippet.

    1. I enjoy Dusty’s smart-ass mouth, too. These are the kind of things I wish I could think of to say.

  3. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    They are truly racing against time.

    Effing, just wait until guests come over. Make them think that you’re starving to death. Ed might feed you just to get you to be quiet. 😉

    1. You’re suggesting I give in to blackmail. Once you start down that road, there’s no going back!

  4. 87 seconds – hope she can run like the wind.
    Tweeted your post.

    Thanks for commenting on mine – i think my post must have gone up late – sorry.

    1. I always comment on your posts, Daryl. Wouldn’t miss them.

  5. I love her internal dialog.
    We have a fat cat too.

    1. There’s more than one Jabbba the Catt?

  6. Enjoyed the snippet, moved the story along nicely. 87 seconds is a LOT of time actually…

    1. Whether it’s a lot of time depends on how far they have to go.

  7. Ed, big raves on your books! 4 cats here. Send over some kibbles.

    1. Do your cats need to diet, too?

  8. nancygideon · · Reply

    I love a ticking clock . . . or ticking bomb in this case . . . scenario! Effing, tell Ed it’s only your winter fluff, nothing to worry about. Oh, wait . . . you’re in AZ. Cat, stick to that diet!

    1. Effing has permanent winter fluff.

  9. Virtual box of smelly fish parts on the way, Effing. Hope you last until they arrive. Hope Dusty lasts long enough to drown the bomb. But I have to say, Ed, it would really suck if you blew up your heroine in the opening segment.

    1. Smelly fish parts haven’t arrived yet. Resend.

  10. Great snippet! And I’ll try to send you a virtual gourmet, Effing!

    1. He appreciates gourmet food!

  11. Great snippet. Very tense. As for Effing’s diet problems, I have one with the same problem. He thinks eating should be every hour on the hour.

    1. And the half hour, too.

  12. Great snippet! They better run fast! Effing, you’re going to have to find another way to get food. My cat and dog won’t share.

    1. Tsk, tsk. Your job as the animal’s parent is to TEACH them to share.

  13. Jennifer Reynolds · · Reply

    I think my cats would revolt if I fed another animal, sorry. Hehehe!!!
    I hope she makes before the bomb explodes. Great snippet.

    1. I’m so sorry to hear that your cats are revolting, Jennifer.

  14. julieevelynjoyce · · Reply

    Lol great snippet! Does she really need an appendix anyway? 😉 As for you, Effing, I’ll send you some salmon if you send me some chocolate. My address is 1111 Lollipop Lane, CandyLand.

    1. Chocolate is much cheaper per kilogram than salmon, so that’s a great deal.

  15. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    Great snippet. 87 seconds will flyby.

    Our cats are pretty vocal about their treats. They wouldn’t be pleased if I sent them to you, Effing. lol

    1. It’ll either fly by, or seems to last forever.

  16. I suspect it will take out more than just her appendix if she doesn’t ditch it soon. Effing, I have no salmon to send you, and no kibble except for diet kibble, so it probably won’t do for me to send you anything. My cats would share their kibble but not their treats.So sorry!

    Ed, I just started Escapee! (Had to reboot my Kindle, but I’m good now.) Will post review when done. 🙂

    1. I hope you enjoy Escapee. As you read, remember to think of The African Queen.

  17. Oh the trials and tribulations of high-spirited cattery 🙂 I’ve been really loving your snippets lately–and I’ll have you know (gulp don’t judge) that I’m not a big sci-fi fan. I like your stuff because it reminds me of Start Trek 🙂

    1. I don’t know about Star Trek, but the fact that this is near-future sci fi (“Four years from tomorrow”) might also make it more palatable. The Romantic Times review said that this book read quite a bit like a contemporary romance for whatever that’s worth.

  18. I just love that last sentence. Almost seems like that ‘ticking time bomb’ might be sentient (Hope not, appendix removal without anaesthetic might be a bit painful.) Effing, I’d love to help you out but I only have dog food (or hay and horsefeed)

    1. Do you think the cross-atlantic shipping charges for a barrel of hay would cost too much?

  19. She’s kind of running out of time, really. Better hurry!

    1. Don’t worry, I couldn’t bring myself to tick the clock down to the very last second. That feels so dreadfully overdone.

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