Effing Feline mocks Sadie

Photos: DepositPhotos

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf. Click the pic for info.

I, Effing Feline, am bereft. Ed, my pet human, has abandoned me to see his son’s dog, Sadie, in some place called Toronto. I suppose he’s visiting with his sons, too — but it’s the dog that bothers me. I’ve been telling cat jokes, but today I’m switching to jokes that make fun of !&*$*# dogs.

Q. What kind of dog eats with his ears?
A. They all do.  I’ve never seen a dog remove its ears before eating.

Q. How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat when you’re driving?
A. Invite him to bark in the front seat.

Now for another snippet from Mr V’s sci fi romance, Escapee, featuring the skoot, a small, six-legged reptilian pet, rather than boring humans. We also me Lancelot, the android copilot, discussing the skoot. Lance talks first, followed by  the pilot heroine, Catt Sayer.

“I think he likes you, Catt.”

“Keep him away from me, Lance. Use force if necessary.”

“Is that an order?”

Hesitating, Catt glanced toward the ’fresher door, where Dukelsky had
disappeared. Lance
must obey orders, and in some circumstances force would
make matters worse.

“No,” she sighed. “Use your discretion. For now, though, just keep that
plarking skoot away from me.”

Lance tightened his grip on the ugly reptile, which strained to leap onto her lap
and wash her face with its snaky, germ-laden tongue. How could
people keep such horrid-looking creatures as pets?

Effing Feline here again. Catt, I completely agree with your sentiments about skoot — and the same thing can be said of DOGS!

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday authors.

The African Queen in Outer Space

escapee smaller

Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station). If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile world, you’ll love Escapee.

Escapee is a finalist for InDTale magazine’s RONE award. Wish me luck.

My short story collection Future Love is one of a hundred books on sale for a short time only.  Click the picture below and look under Space Opera.



  1. Poor skoot! It just wants to be loved. And named. Poor thing doesn’t even have a name…

    And, sorry, Effing… I love my two very spoiled dogs.

    1. Hector doesn’t know its name because it’s an orphan, but before the book’s over, it’ll get a name: Scott.

  2. I love that your heroine is named “Catt”. Of course, Effing likes her. lol

    I really hope you win the RONE! Is this something we can vote on?

    1. Catt: The name honors Katharine Hepburn, who played the female lead in The African Queen — but I used a Welsh variation, Catteroon. Hence “Catt.”

      RONE:Since you asked . . . The 5-star books reviewed by the magazine in each category are automatically finalists. The 4-star books are lumped together so readers can vote for their favorite, and the top vote-getter becomes a finalist. The magazine’s editorial staff decides the winner.

      Hywela Lyn, another Weekend Warrior, is also a finalist in the sci fi category. (I think there are 5 or 6 finalists in our category.) If I don’t win, I hope she does.

  3. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    I was thinking the same thing as P.T. lol So glad to know he gets a name by the end of the book. 🙂

    1. As one of the characters says, all skoots are named Scott by default.

  4. One person’s horrid-looking creature is another’s beautiful, darling pet! Oftentimes, the pets considered ugliest or most unadoptable turn out to be wonderful, loving companions, like blind cats and cats missing ears.

    1. Absolutely right. Our dog Twiggles is an example. She isn’t exactly ugly, but she’s definitely no beauty — but after a while, all you see is her personality.

  5. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    I love her reaction to the skoot, though I have a feeling she might change her mind about it. 🙂

    1. Aha! You’ve already guess the skoot’s character arc . . . although I guess I should say “creature arc.”

  6. I share Catt’s feelings about the skoot. I suppose his mother must have loved him though. Good luck with the RONE. I loved this book, and I’m sure the judges will too.

    1. I sure hope so. You know how a book leaves an impression in your mind, with some being favorites and some not? Probably these impressions have little to do with how readers see the book. I hope that’s the case, because I have to admit that my feeling about Escapee is that it’s only so-so.

  7. I am so glad the skoot gets a name. He sounds adorable, in a reptilian kind of way. I’m afraid my dog feels much the same as Effing – but in reverse, he thinks cat’s are the lowest form of life and should be chased off the planet. (Sorry Effing, I’ve tried to reason with him, but he’s a dog and thinks he knows better than a human.)

    Good luck for the RONE, even though technically we’re rivals!

    1. As I said above, if I don’t win I hope you do.

  8. Best Wishes with the RONE! That was nice news for sure. Enjoyed the snippet – not everyone agrees about the joy of certain pets, for sure.

    1. Snakes, for example. I have a neighbor who keeps a snake. In other ways, he seems sane.

  9. Crossed my fingers for your Rone! Always interesting, your snippets.

    1. My wife’s crossing her toes. Of course, she has two perennially crossed toes.

  10. She definitely has a solid opinion on those skoots. Good luck with the award!

    1. Something that looks like a skoot engenders solid opinions.

  11. What is it about slobbery tongued critters that makes them want to lick your face? Scott the skoot is a great character and the fact that Catt doesn’t want her android to hurt him says a lot about her.

    1. Despite her tough exterior, Catt is a softie.

  12. nancygideon · · Reply

    Awwww! He just wants a kiss. Ugly pets need love, too!

    1. Sadie (my son’s dog) just wants a kiss, too, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to get one. I’m a happily married man!

  13. Oh, I remember that. 🙂

    1. You read it? I love you, Linda. Hope the hubby doesn’t mind!

  14. Diane Burton · · Reply

    After 2 months of slobbering dogs, I can almost agree with Effing. Best wishes on the RONE. Good snippet. Shows some insight into Catt’s character. She can be a softie.

    1. Slobbery dogs aren’t my favorites.

  15. Andrea R Huelsenbeck · · Reply

    I don’t think I like the skoot either. My husband, though, would probably see his beauty. He likes snakes and iguanas and used to hang out at the reptile store.

    1. I have a cousin like that. In every other way, he’s sane.

  16. My four cats are laughing their butts off, but they don’t like the skoot. Too doglike, they say.

    1. Oh dear. I hope they don’t sue me for turning them into Manx.

  17. elainecsc2013 · · Reply

    The little critter sounds friendly and must want to be loved.

    1. If only Catt could see past the alligator snout and six legs to the lovable inner skoot . . .

  18. Love the realization that being too literal will end poorly. Though I suspect that moderation will end with a skoot in her personal space!

    Good luck! 🙂

    There’s no accounting for taste, Effing! Some people keep the strangest pets.

    1. She’s had this android copilot long enough to be very wary of being too literal.

  19. Congratulations on the RONE nomination. Good luck.
    As for Catt – i like her. I like how she reconsidered her request from force to discretion. I have a feeling there’s a soft spot in her somewhere.

    1. Her soft spot is buried, but it’s there. As for the change from force to discretion, as I say above, she is wary of how this android responds literally to her commands.

  20. Jacob Rosemeier · · Reply

    Awe I feel bad for the poor guy. Him and his grimy tongue just want to love someone.

    1. I suspect that it’s easier to like the skoot on the page than in person.

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