Effing Feline contemplates eating mice

Photos: DepositPhotos

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf. Click the pic for info.

cat-with-mouseI, Effing Feline, wonder if you can tell me: do mice taste good?

You see, Twiggles the Dog tells me (and Google confirms) cats are supposed to catch and eat mice. The phrase ‘good mouser’ is high praise for a feline.  However, my pet human allows no mice in his house, so how can I earn the grand praise I crave? ‘Tis a heartrending dilemma, you must agree.

Anyway, here’s another selection from The Trial of Tompa Lee (edited from the released text). Tompa is a lowly street meat, and there’s lots of prejudice against street meats in the Commerce Space Navy.

Following a briefing about shore leave on an alien world, sailors choose small teams for the visit to planet Zee-Shode. Unsurprisingly, no one wants Tompa on their team. At the last minute, though, the boss of her work team approaches. He speaks first:

“You must promise that you will contain your animal desires –”

“But I don’t have any animal desires!”

“– and conduct yourself like a lady.”

Before answering, Tompa made sure her ‘Navy face’ was securely in place. “No problem, sir,” except with the ‘lady’ part, though she’d read enough gordo novels to have some idea what he meant.

“Furthermore, you must promise not to precipitate any kind of incident or cause trouble while we are on Zee-Shode.”

“I’m not a troublemaker,” Tompa said in a pleading voice she hated but was helpless to change. “All I want is to blend in and make full Navy. I’ve worked for you three months — don’t you know me by now?”

“I don’t know you at all, Ship’s Ward; you make very sure no one does, and that’s part of the problem.”

Effing Feline here again with more questions about mice. Are they better baked or fried? Ketchup or mustard? White wine or red? All recipes appreciated.

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

Effing Feline divider

The Trilogy of Tompa Lee

The Trial of Tompa Lee is the first book in The Trilogy of Tompa Lee.  Here are the sequels.

The Tribulations of Tompa Lee

C-TribulationsGoddess or madwoman? Even she isn’t sure.

Tompa Lee now serves as ambassador to the Shons’ planet and is hailed as their goddess. She’s paranoid about fellow humans and has a dead man living in her head — and yet when the Klicks, mankind’s greatest enemy, destroy the embassy, a ragtag group of Shon and human survivors expect her to save them.

The Triumph of Tompa Lee

Triumph_ruins_i_thumbnailNow the prey stalks the hunter

Because Tompa Lee forges an upstart alliance between humans, Shons, and Klicks, the Trading Council hires Earth’s most feared bounty hunter, who lures her to deserted ruins by kidnapping her fiancé and her best friend. Unfortunately, Tompa can save her loved ones only if she can finally tame the goddess — and the madness — within her.

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49 comments

  1. Funny and I feel the devil in her waiting to take over.

    Re: mice-picture this: Day one daughter gives hubs a kitten for Fathers Day. An hour later said kitty, now named Lily, drops the smallest itsy bitsy mouse totally dead at my office door as a gift. We laughed all day and said Lily made her bones. We’ve never had mice before.

  2. Hmmm…hiding in plain sight doesn’t work if “hiding self” becomes the problem.

    1. Right on. Her attitude is a huge part of her problem.

  3. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    Yes, I see the problem. But, I’m sure she’ll quickly change everyone’s assumptions.

    Oh, and any cat we’ve ever had never caught mice. We had one come close. He was playing with the mouse then got upset when it died.

    1. I don’t know about “quickly”, Jessica. It’s a fairly long book…

    2. Also, if you cat was upset when the mouse died, it was probably because that ruined its game. (I love cats, but I have no illusions about them.)

  4. nancygideon · · Reply

    Nice reveal of her and the opinions of others toward her, Ed. My former cat was Mouser Supreme – 6 days, 6 mice, an entire nest of invading vermin . . . all toted up to my bedroom and deposited . . . still alive. Praise before eradication was his motto. Well done, loyal feline, and no body parts were missing. We practiced catch and release – near the other complex building down the drive.

    1. I’d rather not tell Effing your cat’s hunting history, if you don’t mind, Nancy. It might give him ideas about bringing in live mice.

  5. Can’t wait to see Tompa trying to “act like a lady.” Wonder if that’s even possible. Effing–I think the proper way to consume mice is “tartare.” Bon appetit!

    1. Jenna, I’m consumed with curiosity … just how do you know the proper way to eat mice???

  6. ameliatreader · · Reply

    Our first cat didn’t know that he should eat the mice he caught, but our dog taught him.

    What’s a ‘Gordo novel’?

    1. Oh right, I thought about explaining that piece of slang but then forgot. To street meat like Tompa, a gordo is a fat cat, i.e. someone who doesn’t have to live on the street. A gordo novel, then, is a book written by and for people who aren’t the future’s equivalent of India’s untouchable.

  7. I’m just about to start reading about Tompa Lee. She sounds like my type of gal. If someone tells me to act like a lady, it immediately makes me want to misbehave.

    Re cats and mice, it’s my experience that they don’t eat them, they just torment them for hours until they die of shock or exhaustion, and then they present them to the house owner like a prized gift.

    1. Being told to act like a lady would usually make Tompa want to misbehave, but the Space Navy has been her dream so long that she’s eager to compromise.

      As for cats and mice, you sound like a woman who has owned cats.

  8. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    Great last line. She hides from the world, but the thing is she doesn’t seem to realize she does. Great reveal of what people think of her.

    My cats are indoor cats, but I have one that will bring me all kinds of gifts from around the house–ribbons, paper, socks my son seem to miss getting into the hamper, ornaments from the tree… I’m sure she’d bring me mice if she had the opportunity. lol

    1. Back when I had the luxury of five acres, we had outdoor cats — and surprisingly, none of them brought mice into the house, either dead or alive. Now that we’re in coyote country, even though we’re in the middle of Tucson, an outdoor cat is likely to become a dead cat.

  9. Aah, that last line says it all! What’s the betting that she doesn’t need to cause trouble, that it is quite capable of finding her 🙂

    1. You are absolutely right on, Ian.

  10. Ha, yes if she appears to go to so much trouble to stay under radar, that in and of itself can land on the radar. Nice. And Effing, I’m just revamping a book where the character discusses rat tails-extra crispy-as an addition to the popular omelet. Just a thought…

    1. LOL. I don’t mean to insult you, Janell, but you and Effing think alike.

  11. Andrea R Huelsenbeck · · Reply

    Ah, the joys of being picked last, and with conditions.

    1. I can relate. Until I started growing like a mushroom, I was frequently one of the last chosen for games at school.

  12. Oh wonderful – whatever she does will be wrong!

    Ture story – Our first cat didn’t know he could eat mice until he watched the dog eating micicles.

    1. Yep, whatever she does will be wrong. Even worse: she’ll get blamed for something she didn’t do.

  13. I like that she’s garnered her idea about acting like a lady–from reading novels. 🙂

    Years ago, I dated a guy who drove a truck for a living. He visited between truck runs, and decided to nap on the couch. Naturally, he took his boots off before he did. I went about my day as usual.

    He left later that day and headed up the interstate. He called later that evening, to let me know that he’d stopped for the night at a truck stop. He’d gone inside to get a shower, and when he took off his boots, he discovered mouse parts in one of them. lol. The cat had killed a mouse and then, for whatever reason, stashed the inedible parts in his boot.

    I married someone else. I guess the cat was way ahead of the curve…

    No post for me this week.

    1. Great anecdote, Teresa. I definitely think your cat was trying to tell you something.

      Is your writing going well these days? I hope not having a post isn’t an indication of writer’s block…or worse.

  14. elainecsc2013 · · Reply

    She’s a fascinating character. My cat is a great mouser, but she usually catches small squirrels or chipmunks instead.

    1. Tompa is one of my two most favorite heroines I’ve created — the other being Sandrina from The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station.

  15. I see he just assumes she has “animal desires,” because she must be different from them.

    There’s always toy mice, Effing. Good practice!

    1. One of the subtleties that 10 sentence selections can’t capture is that McShallin has usually treated Tompa better than anyone else has, and she respects him. Thus this revelation of his real opinion of her is especially devastating.

      I’ve passed along your suggestion to Effing, who definitely has “animal desires”.

  16. This snippet was great! From Tompa being told to contain her animal desires to being told to act like a lady. My fists balled up for her when she was told to act like a lady.

    1. Prejudice — and overcoming the resentment that prejudice engenders — is major theme of Tompa’s life.

  17. Diane Burton · · Reply

    I love Tompa. A square peg in a round hole.

    Re: cats. Don’t tell Effing but I’m a dog person.No cats for us.

    1. Okay, I won’t tell Effing. Is it okay if I tell Twiggles the Dog?

  18. Love this conversation. 😀

  19. kimmydonn · · Reply

    Ouch, it sucks when you aren’t trusted. I hope things turn up from here.

    1. Especially when the man who doesn’t trust her is someone she respects.

  20. *sigh* I feel like even though she’s been trying hard to be known, it hasn’t worked and that might make her “animal desires” come out. Great snippet! And tell Effing that my cat used to catch birds, not mice 😛

    1. Twiggles the Dog sometimes chases after birds that have the temerity to land in our yard. She’s never caught one, though.

  21. Ooh, zinger of a last line. With all the talk of mice, I first read “street meat” as “street mouse.” 🙂

    1. Well, I suppose “street meat” could include “street mouse meat.”

  22. Great last line … says it all, I’d say.

    1. Indeed. Thanks for stopping by, Iris.

  23. Love that last line. I see lots of trouble ahead.

    Our cats are known to hunt birds, rodents and the odd skink, but they mostly bring in bunnies.

    1. Yes, poor Tompa faces a trilogy worth of trouble.

  24. Why do I have the feeling that trouble finds Tompa, not the other way around?

    And why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

    Also there was a movie/documentary about a guy who lived in the midst of a pack of wolves to study them and he ate mice. I’m drawing a blank on the name of it at the moment.

    1. “And why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?” That probably tells you something about how mice taste.

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