I, Effing Feline, protest! I hate the way humans use words for cats in degrading and humiliating ways. A slut is someone with the morals of an alley cat. A coward is a scaredy cat. This is insulting and I won’t put up with it. That rumbling noise you hear is not a purr. It’s a growl.
Last week, I introduced you to The Trial of Tompa Lee by my pet human Ed, aka Mr Valentine. Civilians like Tompa can buy lottery tickets to fly the stars as Ship’s Wards for a year. It is, after all, the Commerce Space Navy. Very few Ship’s Wards are good enough to make full Navy — but Tompa is determined, even though she’s a lowly street meat.
Sailors detest street meats, so she’s deliberately locked out of a briefing about her first-ever shore leave on an alien planet. In today’s snippet (edited from the released version), she approaches a fellow Ship’s Ward, Jim Zhang, hoping he’ll force open the briefing room door for her. He speaks first:
“As soon as we get back to Earth, I’m getting kicked out of the Ship’s Ward program, but it’s not my fault. I figured you must be a hooker, because Navy lottery tickets are expensive and rumor says you bought a hundred of them. And anyway, when I grabbed you, it was foreplay; chicks always say they want foreplay, but when you do it, whammo, they slap you.”
She hadn’t slapped him, she’d broken his arm.
“Seriously, do I look like the kind of guy who has to force women into bed?” Zhang sucked in his belly and glared heroically, probably expecting her to snarl like an animal, the way street meats did in shows — and she was tempted.
But she knew his type, all balls, no brains, so she smiled, instead. “Sorry about that, Jim.” As though scratching, she ran a hand sensuously down her inner thigh, just to remind him she was female. Sure enough, he was such a poco brain that within seconds he was grinning.
Effing Feline here again. Mr V was tempted to change this phrase: When I grabbed you, it was foreplay, making it: When I grabbed you by the pussy, it was foreplay.
Don’t worry, I convinced him never to use such disrespectful language: I scratched his hand. To the doghouse (feline equivalent of hell) with non-violent protests!
The Trial of Tompa Lee
Only her enemies can save her from alien injustice
Praise for The Trial of Tompa Lee:
- “Ed Hoornaert is a marvelous writer: a terrific, engrossing storyteller and a consummate stylist.” — Robert J. Sawyer, Hugo and Nebula award-winning author
- “Reminiscent of the best of classic Star Trek.” TheBestReviews.com
- “Hold a tissue ready, as Mr. Hoornaert knows how to squeeze the heart of the reader.” — Love Romances
- “Tompa Lee is an attractive, ambitious vagabond.” — Arizona Daily Star
- “Classic science fiction, but with enough character development to interest non-science fiction readers.” — Romance Reviews Today
The Trial of Tompa Lee is currently free, so this is a great time to make it your own: