Effing Feline cleans up

Photos: DepositPhotos

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf. Click the pic for info.

I, Effing Feline, have little time to write today. Too busy cleaning up for Christmas, since all four of Mr V’s children will be home for the holidays and I don’t want them to think I neglect my fur.  Here’s a picture of me, bathing:


Effing Feline’s bath (censored)

Since next Sunday is Christmas, this will be my last post of the year. Also the last post from Newborn, Mr V’s latest release. Our assassin heroine wasn’t programmed for love; she was meant to kill quickly and commit suicide. However, a stint in hospital gives Jo the unexpected time to discover her full humanity, and she’s fallen in love with Darby, the bodyguard of the woman she’s supposed to assassinate.

But love weakens her compulsion to kill, and her distant programmers can’t allow that. And so one day Jo hears an ominous voice in her head.

“The instruments say you can hear me,” the voice said.

I swiveled my eyes to look around. “Who’s there?

“No one, Jo,” Darby said as though from the other side of the planet. I couldn’t see him; couldn’t see anything. “It’s just me.”

“I’m guessing you answered me out loud,” the voice said. The sound quality was different than using my ears—more muffled and hushed, and it stank of stale smoke. “Don’t speak; that’s an order.” The woman’s calm confidence hinted that she was used to having orders obeyed.

Effing Feline here again.  What the hiss is with the censorship of my picture? I’m a cat. We’re always naked. Who the #@)(%@ censored my picture?!

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

Effing Feline divider


She was born to kill


Jo Beaverpaw is born fully grown, well-armed, and impatient to tackle her Destiny … which is to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive. Her life is pre-programmed and straightforward – until she meets the sexy bodyguard of her intended target.

If you’re intrigued by the idea that the Schwarzenegger-assassin in the original Terminator could’ve been a bad-assed (yet petite) female, don’t miss Newborn.

Find Newborn at:




  1. Merry Christmas, Effing! Naughty photos have the habit of catching up with you. So be glad this one was censored.

    Happy times, Mr V. Enjoy your family Christmas!

    I have enjoyed this story, Ed. Can’t wait to see what you have lined up next.

    1. Poor Effing. That’s what he gets, I guess, for taking off his flea collar before posing for the camera.

  2. nancygideon · · Reply

    What!!?! Our last treat of the year! Sigh . . . Have really enjoyed peeking inside Newborn. I guess I’ll just have to put it in my Christmas stocking. Happy Holidays, Ed and Effing!!

    1. Christmas is a great time to welcome a Newborn!

  3. This was such a nice plot twist. Just when everything was going well, boom!

    1. The empire strikes back, so to speak.

  4. Newborn, what a marvelous story! I read it without stopping and then had to leave a review. Thanks, my friend, for your glorious imagination and sense of humor. Be well. Happy Holidays.

    1. Thanks so much, Charmaine. Thanks also for the comment about the sense of humor; I never set out to be funny in Newborn, but humor always seems to creep into my writing.

  5. Oh dear, nice twist to the story, wonder what will happen next! Happy Holidays!

    1. Things were going too well for Jo, so at the midpoint there needed to be a story-changer.

  6. Ed, wishing you and your family a beautiful Christmas and a wonderful New Year — Effing too!

    Engaging excerpt! Poor Jo, I imagine the new situation won’t go over well with her. Yeah I’ll have to pick up this story as a gift to myself!


    1. Just when she was falling in love and starting to feel more like a human than a killing machine, her overlords ‘drop by’. Bummer.

  7. Your stories are so original. Looking forward to reading more (should I ever get some reading time!). Enjoy Christmas with your family and look forward to reading your posts again in the New Year.

    1. I know what you mean about reading time! I was reading one of yours (Songbird) in Amsterdam when I fell ill, and I’m afraid I never finished it. In the new year — it’ll be a resolution.

  8. Sad to see story go – waiting for what’s next.
    Poor Effing – decided to wash the wrong part when the picture was taken- I’m guessing 🙂

    1. Next up will be a book for which I recently signed a contract. It was my Camp NaNo book this year.

  9. Have a lovely holiday season, Ed and Effing. Great snippet…I like that she’d done exactly as the voice suspected–spoken out loud. This connection does not bode well, not at all.

    I’ve enjoyed the snippets from this and am looking forward to the next project!

    1. Her ‘time off’ from her murderous destiny is indeed coming to an end.

  10. Diane Burton · · Reply

    I love reading the snippets from this story. You’ve been picking good scenes. How nice that all your children will be with you this Christmas. My two are 2,000 miles apart, so Hubs & I take turns having Christmas with them. Enjoy the holidays.

    1. Even though our children seem to have inherited wanderlust from Judi and I, it’s still hard to have them so far from home. You have my sympathy, Diane.

  11. Twice censored – Effing’s bath (Did he really get in the water?) and Jo’s voice!

    Enjoy Christmas with your kids!

    1. As I sit typing, Judi is decorating the house for the offsprings’ arrival. Looking forward to it!

  12. Now that’s an interesting image – the sound of a voice evoking the smell of cigarettes! I wonder if they have ways to remotely ensure obedience?

    1. Considering that there’s a part of Jo that is sort of computer-like (an implant), they may find a way to reprogram her … but you’ll have to read the book to find out.

  13. Happy Holidays, Ed & Effing! Sorry your pic got censored, Effing. That can be annoying. Great snippet you posted though. She sounds like a female used to getting her own way. Congrats on the offspring bounty, Ed! Best to you and yours. My post is up, though apparently I didn’t link it correctly.

    1. I’ll see if I can find your post, Elizabeth.

  14. angelicadawson · · Reply

    Lovely tease and a shame about censorship.

    1. You like racy pictures of males bathing, eh?

  15. I’m intrigued by the premise of your story. A petite Terminator, hmmm…..

    1. That’s one of the nuggets that inspired the story … although from that nugget, the story deviated wildly from Terminator.

  16. julieevelynjoyce · · Reply

    Love the twists and turns of this story! Merry Christmas to you and yours! Hope the new year allows for less censorship. 😉

    1. Merry Christmas to you, Julie, and I hope you don’t freeze your typing fingers off up there in Ottawa.

  17. Andrea R Huelsenbeck · · Reply

    I’ve really enjoyed the snippets. Just bought it as a Christmas present to self.

    1. Then you’ll have a merry Christmas indeed. 😉

  18. What an unpleasant voice. Should have started with “first, no one else can hear me, don’t answer out loud,” if they were going to be so snarky!

    1. The voice can’t see or hear what’s going on around Jo.

      1. Still don’t like ’em! 😛

  19. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    Great snippet as usual. Happy Holidays to you.

    1. And the best of holidays to you as well, Karen.

  20. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    How ominous with the voices in her head. A great snippet! Have a wonderful Christmas with your family! “See” you in the new year!

    1. I look forward to “seeing” you next year, as well. Have a great Christmas.

  21. elainecsc2013 · · Reply

    Nice twist. I didn’t expect this. Merry Christmas, Ed.

    1. Merry Christmas to you and yours!

  22. Great way to keep us on the hook! i sure want to know how this is going to affect the outcome. Can’t wait to get this! Happy Holidays Mr. V and Effing!

    1. Well, this voice is definitely going to jerk the story in a different direction.

  23. Sounds like Jo is going to have to make a tough choice. Merry Christmas to you and all of yours, even the very clean Effing!

    1. Ah, but such is the power of the implant that controls her ‘Destiny’ that maybe she doesn’t have a choice.

  24. Great snippet! Thanks for sharing and have a happy Christmas!

    1. And a merry Christmas and happy New Year to you and yours, Amy.

  25. I really liked your description of the voice and how she reacts to it. Happy Christmas to you and your family!

    1. And the best of the season to you and yours, Carrie.

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