Effing Feline heads home

Photos: DepositPhotos

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf. Click the pic for info.

I, Effing Feline, am returning home. None too soon for poor Mr V.  In separate incidents, he wrenched his shoulder, whacked his head, picked up a debilitating virus, and then fell heavily.  I think Amsterdam hates him.

Another excerpt today from Newborn, Mr V’s upcoming science fiction romance. Jo Beaverpaw was born alone in a forest moments, fully grown, well armed, and eager to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive — and ignorant of many things. Such as who and what she is.

While recovering from a serious fall, Jo meets Darby, whom we met last week, and Dr. Rebecca Hentzle (Hen) the feisty octogenarian who owns the small wilderness hospital that houses both Jo and her target. This snippet edited from the released version.

Dr. Hentzle leaned forward to study me. “Greensticks occur when a bone bends and cracks like a green twig, instead of snapping into separate pieces like a dry twig, but bones harden over the years, so adult bones break completely. How can a woman who looks to be thirty have soft bones?” Hen lifted my unsplinted arm in a grip far stronger than she looked capable of. “Yesterday this arm was black and blue up to your elbow, but look at it now.

“I’m sorry if this next question insults you…no, actually I’m not sorry, because I’m really curious and I’m too darned old to apologize. And I’m your doctor, so you have to answer me truthfully.”

She narrowed her eyes and edged so close I could smell her lunch—some kind of sausage with onions—and something else, too. Old age; a waiting-to-die kind of smell.

“What,” she said in a voice like a battering ram, “are you?”

Not who—what.

Effing Feline here again.  I get this question a lot. I always answer, “a grey tabby.”  But poor Jo already has doubts about whether she’s human . . . not that she should worry about such an unimportant thing.

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

P.S.  Since Sundays a travel day, Mr. V will be late getting to your posts. But he’ll get there!

Effing Feline divider


She was born to kill

newborn-final-2Jo Beaverpaw is born fully grown, well-armed, and impatient to tackle her Destiny … which is to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive. Her life is pre-programmed and straightforward – until she meets the sexy bodyguard of her intended target.

Newborn is the 3rd exciting book in Edward Hoornaert’s near-future romance series, Alien Contact for Idiots. If you The Terminator would’ve been better starring a bad-assed (yet petite) female, don’t miss Newborn.

< < === > >

Newborn will be released November 4, and for a limited time, it’s available for pre-order at the special introductory price of just 99c.  This low price won’t last long, so pre-order Newborn now.



  1. Sorry to hear of your misadventures Mr V!

    And Effing, I don’t think that grand old lady Amsterdam would ever hate anyone. Sending you my travel fairies💖

  2. Aw, I’m sorry Amsterdam beat you up! Maybe you need a stint in Hen’s hospital, though beware your fellow occupants!

  3. nancygideon · · Reply

    Awesome scene, Ed. What, not who, indeed! Welcome home.

  4. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    In that situation, I think I’d ask the same question.

    Hope you are both recovering from your travels!

  5. This is the most fascinating story, really enjoying the excerpts!

  6. LOL I agree with Christina! I trust you are on the mend, Ed? I certainly hope so.

  7. Ed, I begged you not to fall down… and you never listened. Big guy, you are one of a kind in your writing and that’s a good thing. The world needs more chuckles.

  8. Diane Burton · · Reply

    Hope your trip home was unadventurous, Mr. V. Did Effing take care of you? This story is so intriguing. It’s on my To Read pile. (See you on my blog on Thursday.)

  9. I’d say you should help out Mr. V. while he heals, Effing, but I know cats better than that…
    I’m quite sure people lie to their doctors all the time. Might as well go for it, though I suspect Jo doesn’t have a lot of practice at lying!

  10. Great scene, leaving me on tenterhooks for more

  11. Oh dear, Effing. You really need to look out for Mr V more. He’s a writer you know, and probably has his mind on his next scene instead of watching what he is doing.
    “voice like a battering ram” is a new expression to me, but conveys a lot of meaning.
    Safe travels home (and hope your insurance is up to date!)

  12. Fabulous line – Old age; a waiting-to-die kind of smell. Tweeted.

    Take a few days to recover- sounds like travel doesn’t do you good.

  13. Andrea R Huelsenbeck · · Reply

    I love Hen’s scientific mind.

  14. I am so sorry about your misfortunes. At least Effing sounded sympathetic when he shared the news. 🙂

    Incredibly intriguing snippet. I went to preorder–based on this snippet, only to be informed by Amazon that I’d already preordered it. 🙂

    You’ve been sharing good stuff. I’d have bought it twice. 😉

  15. chellecordero · · Reply

    The bones certainly do raise questions, but it was still startling to hear the “What” instead of Who.
    Ed, hope your trip home was comfortable and SAFE,sorry for your misadventures. Effing please take good care of your Mr. V.


  16. Sorry to hear of all your misadventures, Mr. V. I hope you make it back safely and get lots of well-earned rest and relaxation. Great snippet! Always loved Hen. 😀

  17. Oh dear, Mr V, you have had some misadventures in Amsterdam. I trust you at least didn’t fall into a canal staring at all those ladies… Great snippet! Sometimes I wonder what I am!

  18. Great scene!

    I’m sorry to hear your Amsterdam holiday wasn’t so good to you. I hope you recover soon.

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