Effing Feline is leaving!

Photos: DepositPhotos

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, am leaving. I mean it!

My pet human, Ed, is soon flying to visit two of his sons — and he’s taking me along.  We’re flying first to Toronto, in some place called Canada, and then Amsterdam in The Netherlands. He says that since I can travel inside his computer, I won’t be too much bother.  Little does he know, eh?

This snippet from Newborn skips back to chapter 2 (long before last week’s snippet). At the beginning of the book, the heroine is born in a Vancouver Island forest, fully grown and well armed — with a compulsion to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive. She knows where to find her target and how to  use her weapons, but little else. Not even her own name.

Nameless heroine hikes along a wilderness mountain until she overlooks the private hospital where her target is recovering from gunshot wounds. There she stops and gazes down.

Compulsion yanked at me on a frenzied leash, urging me down. I was supposed to fulfill my Destiny immediately! My little detours—hugging trees, drinking water, playing games—now felt like sins. They’d delayed me by at least fifteen minutes, which was inexcusable, even heinous. Shame flooded my neck with a blush. I had to act now.

Right now now now.

But how? The mountain was steep and treacherous. I should’ve searched for the safest way down, but the nearness of Destiny poured the spice of impulsiveness into my veins. Surely a woman strong of body and pure of heart could surmount whatever obstacles dared stand in her path.

Effing Feline here again, and I’m worried. Do you think Toronto and Amsterdam have cats? Twiggles the dog says the only pets allowed there are wolves, killer whales, and cateaters, which Twiggles says are related to anteaters. I’m not sure I want to go.

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

And check out the cover reveal that dissects the elements of Newborn’s front page.

Effing Feline divider

Newborn Now Available for Pre-Order

newborn-final-2Jo Beaverpaw is born fully grown, well-armed, and impatient to tackle her Destiny: to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive. Her life is pre-programmed and straightforward – until she meets the sexy bodyguard of her intended target.

Newborn is the third exciting book in Edward Hoornaert’s near-future romance series, Alien Contact for Idiots. If you agree with me that The Terminator should’ve starred a bad-assed yet petite female, don’t miss Newborn.

< < === > >

For a limited time, Newborn is available for pre-order at the special introductory price of just 99c.  This low price won’t last long, so order Newborn now.



  1. Interesting snippet!
    Enjoy Amsterdam and Toronto 🙂

    1. I always enjoy Toronto (partly because we don’t go in the dead of winter), and I hear lots of good things about Amsterdam.

  2. Love the phrase “the nearness of Destiny poured the spice of impulsiveness into my veins”. It sounds a most intriguing story. Have a great time in Toronto and Amsterdam.

    1. Thanks, Rachel. Like what I say to Cara below, I have a book of yours on my Kindle (Songbird) to take with me.

  3. I think this story is so cool. The beginning reminds me of the first Terminator movie where Arnold appears on the street. I preordered Newborn.

    Enjoy your travels!

    1. I have one of yours on my Kindle to take on the trip, Cara.

  4. Poor Effing, sounds like Twiggles has been pulling your socks!

    Mr V? Enjoy your trip, may Toronto and Amsterdam scintillate!

    I love the idea of this story, it could go anywhere, which is awesome!

    1. Jo is such an innocent assassin that she could go to evil or could go to goodness, and it’s never going to be obvious which direction she’ll choose.

  5. Daryl Devore · · Reply

    Great snippet. So full of depth.

    Yes, Effin Feline there are cats here in Canada. And we won’t let the wolves eat you.

    Safe travels. And while you are in Toronto – you have to cheer for the Blue Jays 🙂

    1. I’m already following the Blue Jays online. I hope to get to a Toronto Symphony concert while I’m there. Speaking as an oboist playing a symphony concert in a couple hours, the TSO is a *great* orchestra.

  6. nancygideon · · Reply

    Your turns of phrase are a delight, Ed. Love following where it leads. Tell Effing he could trade places with my cats who are trying to break in (and out distance) our new Australian Sheppard who thinks it’s her job to keep them in line. A lot of hissing has ensued along with some scrambling.

    1. Thanks for the compliment, Nancy. By nature, I’m a wordsmith; learning how to plot a novel has come hard.

  7. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    Oh, you’re coming closer to me. Only a couple hours away. I like how you added the eh? to the end of that sentence. I love the cover, and the excerpts from this story are very intriguing! I just pre-ordered. 🙂

    1. My son Brett lives in the Annex, so we’ll be in central Toronto. I’ve been in the States long enough to lose my BC accent and my ‘ehs’, but they still pop up from time to time.

  8. I like her voice – you’ve done a brilliant job of showing how driven she is. Great snippet!

    1. An innocent young maiden with a compulsion to kill. I like the inherent contradiction.

  9. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    She’s so driven that even fifteen minutes off track is a grave sin. I’m intrigued with this story. Pre-ordering it. 🙂 Have a wonderful holiday.

    1. Thanks for your excellent taste, Karen!

  10. I feel the anguish, and hope she gets down that mountain safely! I didn’t know you were coming to Toronto (I live 30 miles away!) I suppose you’ll only be here briefly, eh? The weather is decent at the moment, and you’ll love the city I’m sure. You’ll love Amsterdam too (I’ve been there twice). Don’t forget to visit the Jordaan district while you’re there!

    1. Re: Getting down the mountain, she doesn’t get down safely, which propels the action of the rest of the book.
      We’ll be in central Toronto (the Annex) for 8-9 days. We do like Toronto, and we’ve been there many times since two of my sons moved there 12 years ago. The one in Amsterdam moved there from TO as well.

  11. Great snippet–hope she makes it up the mountain. Enjoy your trip!

    1. Her mountain-climbing skills are problematic at best, disastrous at worst.

  12. She certainly is being tough on herself! Have a terrific trip, enjoy…

    1. Her urge to kill isn’t an ordinary compulsion, but an implanted Destiny.

  13. Wow de wow wow. Nobody does it better, Ed. You are a wonder! Safe journey.

  14. You make me feel like I have my own claque. Thanks, Charmaine.

  15. Love the urgency of this snippet.

    Bon voyage, Effing! Amsterdam is great, especially if you like art and cheese. 🙂

    1. Well … I never particularly cared for cheesy art. Maybe we should go to Bruges, instead.

  16. Is the newborn learning caution?

    1. She knows she should be cautious, but the tug of her compulsion is awfully strong.

  17. Andrea R Huelsenbeck · · Reply

    Such an intriguing premise.

    1. Thanks, Andrea!

  18. Wonderful snippet, it drew me right in and I’m curious to read what’s going to happen next. Safe travels!

    1. Let’s just say a bit of a disaster happens next.

  19. Diane Burton · · Reply

    Poor Effing. He does have problems, doesn’t he? Love the cover, Ed. This snippet begs many questions. Sure hope you’ll be posting more. Enjoy the trip to Toronto & Amsterdam. Be safe!

    1. I’ll be posting from Newborn at least until the book goes live (scheduled for November 4).

  20. Nobody puts Effing in a computer!

    Fifteen minutes doesn’t seem all that bad, really–and not worth it to risk a fall down rough terrain.

    1. To you or me, 15 minutes isn’t crucial, but it’s a measure of how strong her implanted compulsion is that she can’t accept it.

  21. elainecsc2013 · · Reply

    What a lovely vacation. Your cover is attention getting.

    1. I hope it does … get attention, I mean.

  22. Loved this scene! So good! And you’ll be fine, Effing! Try to stay out of trouble. Something I know is impossible for cats, but still!

    1. I envision furballs in my registry and cat scratches on my hard drive. Sigh.

  23. Effing, you will love traveling! Don’t worry about the dogs. They can’t get inside the computer! The Newborn is so driven–that she sees hugging trees and drinking water as sins for taking her away from her mission is very telling about her character. Great snippet!

    1. Effing did just fine on the trip to Toronto today and my computer still works, so he hasn’t done any damage yet.

  24. Love the poetic flow of this snippet. It pulls the reader along on silken threads of intrigue. Effing has reason to worry, it sounds like.

    1. “Silken threads of intrigue”? Wow.

  25. Wow! She’s really being pushed to do her duty, isn’t she?

    (And Effing now has “Leaving on a Jet Plane” stuck in my head.)

    1. And her duty is murder. Heck of a place for an innocent young newborn to be placed in, eh?

  26. chellecordero · · Reply

    Is she moving in for the kill I like how she is taking time, very child-like, for her little “detours”. This scene is well done and really builds tension.

    1. I love your use of ‘childlike’, because it captures her essence at this point in the story. She was born mere minutes before, and it shows.

  27. WOW! She is either really brain washed, really determined, or I’m going out on a limb here and saying really crazy. LOL. This is going to be an interesting tale for sure.

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