Effing Feline has no time for furballs

Photos: DepositPhotos

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, have been madly shredding paper this week.  It’s part of the free document shredding service I discussed last week. I have ten boxes of paper to shred, so business is looking good … sort of. I have to find some cats willing to pay me to claw the papers to shreds. That’s the only way I’ll make any money!

Another excerpt today from Newborn, Mr V’s science fiction romance that will be released October 27. Our heroine was born alone in a forest moments before this excerpt, fully grown and well armed — and ignorant of many, many things.

“But where am I?” And why hadn’t I wondered that before?

As soon as I thought the question, an answer appeared. The Process, which was secret and illegal, had required trial and error, and They couldn’t jam all information that might be useful into my brain. With luck, They’d omitted nothing crucial.

But…what Process?

And who were They?

Those questions tasted slimy and bitter, so my mind distracted me with new information. I was trekking the sparsely inhabited coast of a large Pacific island.

Effing Feline here again. Whew! After working for days, I finally got through one of the ten boxes of shredding — and I didn’t even have time to cough up a furball.  Anyone know any cats willing to pay to shred something ?

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

Effing Feline divider


She was born to kill

Jo Beaverpaw is born fully grown, well-armed, and impatient to tackle her Destiny … which is to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive. Her life is pre-programmed and straightforward – until she meets the sexy bodyguard of her intended target.

pages-from-the-heartNewborn is the third exciting book in Edward Hoornaert’s near-future romance series, Alien Contact for Idiots. If you ever daydreamed about The Terminator being a bad-assed (yet petite) female, don’t miss Newborn.



  1. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    Wow, so much to learn. I’m very intrigued with the snippets I’ve read from this story. 🙂

    1. Yep, she has a lot to learn — including how to be human.

  2. Hilarious to this reader. Oh the questions and where are the answers?

    1. The answers are somewhere toward the end of the book.

  3. Some interesting questions, and I would like to know the answers. I think I will be buying this book.

    1. As I believe I’ve said before — you have superb taste, Rachel!

  4. How frustrating to know bits and pieces like that! You’ve got me intrigued again.

    1. The holes in one’s memory would, I believe, tend to create anxiety. Later on, Jo will have anxiety in spades.

  5. I love this snippet and how confused she is. So many important questions asked! 😀

    1. And so few answered, too.

  6. Daryl Devore · · Reply

    Curious. You’ve got me quite intrigued with this.
    I can’t tweet like I normally do – I’ve been locked out of my account.

    By the way – Have a safe flight 🙂

    1. It isn’t for a couple of weeks, actually. I’m thinking of taking Effing with me to the Netherlands. Do you think that’s wise?

  7. A romantic location for a strange killer.

    1. If you consider a wild, dark wilderness romantic, sure. It’s more appropriate for her than, say, a Hawaiian beach.

  8. I love how her mind slides away from the questions that “They” probably don’t want answered — or thought about.

    1. It shows how thoroughly she’s been programmed.

  9. Intriguing…born fully grown with so many questions! I hope the answers don’t come from the school of hard knocks. But somehow, I doubt it.
    Effing, try Fiverr to sell your shredding skills. Or maybe post on a government officials message board. I’m sure they’ve got all sorts of things they’d pay to make disappear. 🙂

    1. Effing asked me to ask you if many cats hang out on Fiverr, because it’s cats with overly sharp claws he’s trying to find.

  10. Andrea R Huelsenbeck · · Reply

    Fascinating look inside Newborn’s head.

    1. This is a pretty psychological book, although there’s action later on.

  11. Definitely a great way to draw the reader in.

    1. That’s what I like to hear, Shari!

  12. elainecsc2013 · · Reply

    So intriguing! I hope they didn’t leave out anything essential myself. Bet my dogs could help you out too. They’re great shredders.

    1. ‘Shredders’ or ‘shedders’? I’d kinda expect dogs to be better at the latter than the former.

  13. This sounds so good. Definitely on my TBR list!

    1. You have exquisite taste, Gem!

  14. Great snippet–I hope she gets her questions answered soon. And WTG on shredding those pages, Effing Feline.

    1. I’m afraid it’ll take most of the book to get her answers … and then she won’t like what she learns.

  15. She must have some kind of program inserted to skirt the issue whenever she thinks about the Process. I just hope they gave her all the programs she needs.

    1. Well, her programmer planned for her to kill and then die within hours,so her programs are rather limited. For example, she has no idea how to act around handsome men — as she’ll soon discover.

  16. No, don’t ask questions! Look at the shiny target instead. How do you manage independence when you’ve been programed? Tough life.

    1. Independence is indeed a very difficult goal for her to achieve.

  17. Knowing there’s a “They” without knowing who they could possibly be is bound to have a nasty answer attached to it. And I’ve a feeling they’ve omitted some very crucial knowledge. For her, anyway.

    1. Yes, she has all sorts of holes in her knowledge.That’s one of her main story problems, alongside how to fulfill her murderous Destiny.

  18. Interesting premise! It reminds me of the previews I’ve seen of that woman who wakes up fully tattooed with no memory of who, what, how, why, and they think she may have been a seal…haven’t seen the show though. Lots of possibilities!

    1. They really made a show about a tattooed woman whom they think had been a seal? Oh wait … you mean a Navy Seal? I honestly thought it was the seal mammal.

  19. nancygideon · · Reply

    Slimy and bitter. I love your turn of phrase, Ed. Love watching this journey. Unfortunately, my cat prefers plastic to paper.

    1. If nothing else your cats’ preference helps you decide when a grocery clerk asks if you want paper or plastic bags.

  20. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    Great imagery describing the questions at hand. Makes me wonder who ‘They’ are too.

    1. I hope you’re patient, because it takes 2/3 of the book to find out!

  21. Diane Burton · · Reply

    Those questions tasted slimy and bitter, Wow, so graphic and very succinct. Each snippet you post begs questions from the reader. Nice job.

    1. I have fun trying to ascribe reactions to a different sense than you’d expect — in this case, taste.

  22. Uh oh, I sense foul play in the form of “They”. Someone is guarding some secrets of the real mission and she is looking like nothing more than a pawn. This is going to get interesting. Nicely done on the descriptions.

    1. The nice thing about vague hints is how the audience reads all sorts of things into the hints. I love it!

      1. Couldn’t agree more.

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