Effing Feline plans to get rich

Photos: DepositPhotos

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, believes that if at first you don’t succeed, try one more time and then quit. Last week’s manuscript evaluation service garnered no nibbles, so I’m changing the focus slightly. It’s now a document shredding service. It’ll be FREE! Which means, of course, that I shall get rich!

New tale today. Sort of new; I did excerpts from Newborn earlier in the year, but Mr V is nothing if not a slow writer, determined to get everything write right. My apologies to those who remember the opening, but I’m too busy with my new business to read beyond page one. BTW, some of you might recognize the opening line, which Mr V stole from some loser named Charles Dickens.

I was born.

One moment I didn’t exist and never had existed and then, blink, I stood in a clearing, fully dressed, well-armed, and impatient to tackle my Destiny.

Like a magnet seeking north, I strode toward Destiny, downhill and to my left—baby’s first step—and tripped. Rising slowly, I stretched my arms out for balance against the world’s unexpected hazards.

“Careful,” I whispered—baby’s first word, spoken in a creamy soprano that soothed my ears. I looked around, which I should’ve done before taking a step. How could I kill if I couldn’t even walk?

Effing Feline back again. How, you might ask, can I get rich if I shred documents for free? Simple. I’ll charge neighborhood cats for the privilege of clawing the documents to shreds.

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

Effing Feline divider


Killer clones, like killer robots and killer cyborgs, are usually portrayed as supermen. It’s the science fiction way of waving a magic wand and giving a character special powers. But in reality, not all clones would be perfect–especially if they’re designed to live for only a few hours.

pages-from-the-heartWhat would it be like to be such a clone? To know nothing except your implanted Destiny?  And then to meet a sexy man, who just happens to be the bodyguard of your intended target?

Newborn is a finalist in the Pages from the Heart contest, so wish me luck.



  1. I love your opening! It suggests so many possibilities of where the story might head.

    1. I gotta admit, I like this opening, too.

  2. I like this, especially the line “Like a magnet seeking north.” Looks like it’s going to be interesting!

    1. That line hints at the fact that this is a compulsion, rather than a decision.

  3. I remember this one – well written intriguing snippet!

    1. I debated about using this section again, but it’s an essential element of the setup.

  4. Another intriguing story! Can’t wait to read more. Effing, but will the other cats pay you in money or dead birds?

    1. I suspect Effing wouldn’t mind dead birds, or even live ones. He’s too lazy to catch his own.

  5. Loved this opening. And the fact the clone is female was a surprise. Fantastic premise! And best of luck in the contest!

    1. Killer cones/cyborgs/whatever are usually males. That alone is reason to swap genders.

  6. nancygideon · · Reply

    Pulls me right in and makes me crave more! Like always, Ed! Great stuff.

    1. More is coming, so you’re in luck.

  7. An intriguing start. Good luck in the contest.

    1. I’m not sure why I entered the contest. A whim. Although I’ve entered a few, for the most part I don’t bother — not my thing.

  8. I remember this opening quite well. So glad you’re back to the story! Is it available for mass consumption somewhere?

    1. Current plans are to release Newborn October 20, with pre-order imminent.

  9. This will work or maybe not. Let’s see. Best to you. my friend.

    1. Thanks, Charmaine!

  10. Good luck!
    Interesting newborn – ready to kill, without indication of sex or species!

    1. She spends much of the book trying to reassure herself that she’s human. It’s a major subplot.

  11. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    Great opening. I do recognize this. Chilling.Wish you the best of luck with your contest. 🙂

    1. It’s a pretty distinctive opening, so I’m not surprised you recognize it.

  12. What an opening hook. Fantabulous! I’d buy it just on the opening. My one click finger is twitching right now.

    1. So what they say is true: the opening hook can sell a book.

  13. Wonderful snippet. So intriguing.

    1. Thanks Elyzabeth.

  14. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    Wow, I’m definitely intrigued! All the best in the contest! I know I want to read more. 🙂

    1. That’s good, Jessica, because Effing and I will be subjecting you to more in the coming weeks. Pun intended.

  15. Very intriguing opening! I wish my cats were half as industrious as Effing.We could use the extra income to pay the treat bill.

    1. You think I ever see any of Effing’s cash? Hah!

  16. Good luck with the contest! The snippet is catchy – clones, designed to do dirty jobs and be disposable. I hope this clone gets some ideas of his/her own about that!

    1. Ooooh, yes, she will. That’s the crux of the book.

  17. Intriguing blurb and good question at the end of the snippet. LOL

    Effing, if you need to outsource more work, my rats are very good at shredding. Or maybe they’ll start a business of their own… if they ever crawl out of their hammocks for anything but treats.

    1. Thanks for the offer about the rats, but I suspect that Twiggles, our terrier, would be more interested in the rats than Effing would.

  18. Diane Burton · · Reply

    Okay, Ed. With a beginning like that, I’m hooked. I think Effing Feline has a good idea. Plus he needs to earn his keep.

    1. That second sentence came to me while waiting in the dentist’s office. Since I had no paper, I kept repeating it to myself so I’d remember it.

  19. Good opening indeed! I never read Charles Dickens myself (it wasn’t among the books we had to read in high school). I hope this wins silverware in the contest!

    1. Silverware? Hah! Goldware, my man, goldware.

      1. Goldware it is! May it win goldware!

  20. Victoria Adams · · Reply

    Fabulous beginning.
    And what a business-minded cat you have 🙂

    1. Thanks for the twee, Victoria. And for what it’s worth to a west coast Canadian, this story is set on Vancouver Island.

  21. julieevelynjoyce · · Reply

    What a powerful, intriguing opening! Best of luck with the contest, Ed!! 🙂

    1. Thanks, Julie. Contests can be ego-strokers, though they’re otherwise meaningless, unless it’s the Nebulas or Ritas. Or the Nobels!

  22. Andrea R Huelsenbeck · · Reply

    Captivating beginning. Good luck!

  23. Wonderful opening. Really intriguing concept. Good luck with the contest.

    1. The two romantic leads definitely have an irreconcilable difference looming between them — assassin vs bodyguard.

      1. Irreconiliable differences are the best.

  24. Clever use of Dickens. Perfect segway. Good luck in the contest finals!

    1. You know something? I’ve never even read Great Expectations. I just stole the opening.

  25. You’ve hit on a great business plan, Effing!

    Doing anything for the first time has to be tough–you’d think the clones would get training or something! After all, they’re doing everything for the first time!

    1. However … if the clone was designed to kill and self-destruct within a couple hours, such training might be considered superfluous.

      1. Oh, that’s a rough life. 😦

  26. elainecsc2013 · · Reply

    I love this beginning, almost as much as that cat.

    1. Careful whom you like. That cat wants to shred your precious, hard-won manuscripts … literally.

  27. Fantastic snippet, and I remember this opening vividly. Also, Effing, you are a brilliant business-feline. 😉

    1. If Effing’s such a brilliant business-feline, why hasn’t he made his first million furballs?

  28. WOW! I love this opening! It has a pinch of humor and an even deeper meaning behind it with the baby references. I wonder what his Destiny is, and why it involves killing or being armed. I’m intrigued!

  29. It sounds like the opening accomplished what it was supposed to, then.

  30. Fun opening, lots of possibilities for shenanigans. Good luck in the contest.

    1. I’m glad you think the opening is on ‘Pace’ for a good story.

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