Effing Feline runs a shredding service

Photos: DepositPhotos

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, am considering starting a manuscript evaluation service. I think I’d be good at it, because my claws are so very, very sharp. I’ll rate stories by dead mice: 3 dead mice is good, 1 or 2 dead mice means I couldn’t get my claws into it. In theory, it’s a 5-mouse scale, but because I’m cat, not manuscript will ever get more than 3. Dead mice not included.

This is the last snippet from The Midas Rush. Naive shepherd Tresky Buffrum has married a beauty named Ebbril who is trying to get him drunk. What follows is the end of their glorious wedding night.

It picks up directly after last week’s snippet ended with “I suppose to a Pilk, whose people’ve raised sexual pleasure to its highest, mosht intense, mosht wildest levels—”

“To a Pilk, I shuppose being a virgin at twenty-two is a disgrace. But here—up in Gasparre, I mean—it’s bein’ a Pilk what’s scandalous.” Tresky winked at her with both eyes. “But I won’t hold your ‘sperience against you. Just be gentle wi’ me.”

He reached for her, but bumped the bottle of wine instead. It toppled over. As a puddle formed under his nose, he giggled, imagining the wine spilling onto Ebbril’s dress and her removing it very Pilkily.

Then the room went dark, though he never heard the click of the light switch.

Effing Feline back again. If you want me to shred evaluate your story, please send hardcopies only!

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

Effing Feline divider

The Midas Rush

Midas Rush new 7c thumbnailAll Tresky Buffrum wants is a taste of adventure and freedom before resigning himself to the simple life of a shepherd.  What he gets instead is a mysterious wife (determined to remain chaste) who leads him to the Midas Crater, where some of the planet’s intelligent natives have been inexplicably transformed into gold. Can Tresky defeat the interplanetary conspirators who seek to destroy the Midas Crater before its mysteries can liberate humankind?

The Midas Rush is a available at:

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52 comments

  1. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    Uh-oh! Was it something in the wine, or just the wine itself? Such a tease leaving us hanging like that! 😉

    1. You’d have to read chapter two to learn what happens next (after switching to an alien’s POV). Let’s just say it involves Tresky waking up in a place called The Happy Louse.

  2. Tresky is so painfully naive! Interesting snippet…

    1. The Tresky character was loosely based on the the Tarot card, “The Fool” — which doesn’t necessarily mean stupidity, but inexperience.

  3. Ooooh, poor Tresky! He’s had too much to drink and things aren’t going how he hoped.

    1. So right. Innocent thought he is, he’d hoped for a much more lascivious wedding night.

  4. Daryl Devore · · Reply

    Hmm – what was in the wine?

    And very conservation-minded of Feline to shred manuscripts with claws – saves all that electricity from using machines 🙂

    1. I know you meant it well, but I think Effing would be insulted if you called him Green Cat.

  5. I fear Tresky is in for a very disappointing wedding night. Passing out–with or without something in the wine–is not very conducive to a consummated marriage. 🙂 Hope it all goes well in the end. 🙂

    1. The poor guy spends the entire novel hoping to consummate his marriage.

  6. Uh-oh, this isn’t good. I wonder what the bride has in store for him?

    1. It involves waking up in a place called The Happy Louse.

  7. I have a feeling she didn’t want to undress!

    1. Or anything else associated with a wedding night, either.

  8. Excitement ahead or not ahead This is so much fun whatever it is.

    1. There’s a fair bit of action in this tale, including murder, terrorism, infidelity, madness, and aliens determined to take charge of mankind’s destiny.

  9. Oh dear, I think his naivety tipped over from endearing into endangering. I hope that he just had a bit too much to drink, but I suspect something a little more sinister than that!

    1. Yep, he’s in trouble.

  10. Winking with both eyes – was that simultaneously, or one after the other? Either way is not likely to endear him to his bride. Especially as he has come to their marital bed drunk, and then spills the wine. The honeymoon doesn’t seem to be going well I fear.

  11. Poor Tresky, that’s not how a wedding night should be ending. At least that’s what I’ve heard. 😄

    1. Oookay, Rin. I am NOT going to ask what you’ve heard!

      1. 😄 maybe that’s for the best.

  12. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    I think she managed to get him right drunk. lol

    1. She sure worked hard trying to!

  13. Diane Burton · · Reply

    Poor guy. What a wedding night! Nice snippet.

    1. Unfortunately, it’ll just keep getting better and better.

  14. elainecsc2013 · · Reply

    Uh oh. This may not be the night he expected.

    1. That’s a bit of an understatement!

  15. WOW he’s hammered. Love it. Also, Effing, your service sounds extraordinary. 😉

    1. He was hoping the night would bring a totally different “first” rather than “first drunk to the point of unconsciousness.”

  16. Love that last line, Ed, oh, and “pilkily” might be the best description of the day! 🙂 lol

    1. The word ‘Pilkily’ does have a certain ring to it.

  17. What a fun snippet. Well, fun for the readers. How much of a hangover is he going to have in the morning, I wonder?

    1. True. I don’t think Tresky is having as much fun as he hoped.

  18. I’m not sure if he passed out or if she knocked him out. But he’s definitely not getting the wedding night he hoped for!

    1. Effing didn’t show several other moments when Ebbril urged him to have more and more alcohol. This is low-tech unconsciousness, from good old fashioned booze.

  19. My head aches in sympathy with him. Hope he doesn’t wake up anywhere too terrible. (But with a name like The Happy Louse…) Another fun snippet, Ed.

    1. Waking up in the Happy Louse goes a long way to destroying his naivete, but an encounter there with an alien takes his life–and his wife–in a totally unexpected direction.

  20. Hum, very intriguing events, I wonder who turned off the light. It seems that nothing is going to go as he expects.

    1. In context, I think (hope!) it’s clear that he passed out.

  21. The last snippet??? Damn it, Ed. Now I have to buy another book that I have no idea when I’ll have time to read. But I WILL read it. 🙂

    1. While I empathize (I, too, have a groanworthy TBR, especially on my Kindle), I can’t say I sympathize. I think it’s great that The Midas Rush awaits you!

  22. the wine was a real knock out … LOL … interesting snippet

    1. The key to an interesting snippet is always the last line. I find a knockout line and count back from there.

  23. Looks like trouble in paradise–great snippet–LOL on the cat’s manuscript evaluation service!

    1. So far poor Effing has no submissions to evaluate, though.

  24. So Effing Cat is now an editor! Good job for a cat, really, what with those shredding capabilities. As to the undressing in the dark…doesn’t sound like that’s gonna happen anytime soon. Poor Tresky.

    1. Correction: Effing is a wannabe editor. Actually, what he really is is greedy.

  25. Maybe the lights did go out because of the effects of the wine! Or perhaps some kind of ghostly force is at play.

  26. Ooooh, mysterious end, I wonder why the room went dark. I think she’s about ready to wallop him upside the head honestly.

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