Effing Feline talks tail

Photos: DepositPhotos

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, want to talk about tails.

Since few cats are smart enough to write a weekly column — okay, yes, you’re right; no other cats is that smart — you may have trouble communicating with your puss. Here’s a hint: listen to the tail.

Cat tail speak

(Photo: Lawrenceville-Suwanee Animal Hospital)

For a few weeks I’ll be selecting snippets from The Midas Rush by my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, aka Mr Valentine. It’s science fiction with romantic elements. Here’s the opening, edited from the published version to fit.


Travel Poster for Midas Rush

“More wine?” asked Tresky Buffrum.

The most beautiful woman he’d ever met didn’t answer. She glanced at the cork-sheathed wine bottle sitting on the table between them. Then she stared across the hotel room at the carved, greywood bed big enough for four people—six if they were related.

“Have more wine yourself,” she said.

As she refilled his cup, her long, black hair swayed, framing cheeks glowing like sunshine on fresh snow dusting a field of pinkbuds. Her bosom, rising gently with each breath, was intoxicating and delicate, unlike the mountains of flesh drooping to Gasparre women’s waists, or below. When she smiled, it was like the first gush of daylight after a long night watching a flock.

“Drink up,” she said.

“You are so beautiful — more beautiful even than my prize-winning ewe.”

Photo: Deposit PhotosEffing Feline back again. If I didn’t know better, I’d think Tresky is thinking naughty thoughts … but Mr V would never write anything naughty.  😉

And now for a pop quiz.  Look at (and admire!) my tail at left. What is it saying?

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

Effing Feline divider

The Midas Rush

All Tresky Buffrum wants is a taste of adventure and freedom before resigning himself to the simple life of a shepherd.  What he gets instead is a mysterious wife (determined to remain chaste) who leads him to the Midas Crater, where some of the planet’s intelligent natives have been inexplicably transformed into gold. Can Tresky defeat the interplanetary conspirators—including his beloved wife—who seek to destroy the Midas Crater before its mysteries liberate humankind?

Midas Rush new 7c thumbnailThe Midas Rush is a available at:



  1. More beautiful than his ewe? Hmmm, Mr V how can he resist!

    1. If he could resist, he’d feel sheepish, right?

  2. Nancy Goldberg Levine · · Reply

    Nice descriptions and dialogue–the tail looks like a question mark so it’s saying you have a question?

    1. Nice guess on the cat tail … but no, sorry.

  3. Tail is saying “Let’s be friends.” Nice description and dialogue.

    1. You get a gold star, Nancy.

  4. Nice touches of humor in The Midas Rush. Your plots are always so creative. I think Effing wants to be friends, but I’m suspicious. Maybe Effing only wants a cat treat.

    1. This opening scene in particular is humorous. As for Effing, he always wants a cat treat, so I have to throw out your suggestion as too darned easy.

  5. Let’s be friends. Really good friends. Charming.

    1. Yep, that’s what Effing was trying to say.

  6. Rin-Rin · · Reply

    I wonder what her response to that is.
    I think Effing wants to be friends, my cats are wondering if Effing wants to partake in a kitty candy party.

    1. Sure, Effing can come to the party … as long as he’s back in time to do next week’s post.

  7. He certainly knows how to give compliments!

    1. He was gifted with a silver tongue.

  8. “You are so beautiful — more beautiful even than my prize-winning ewe.” This man sure knows how to sweet-talk a woman! You have some fascinating ideas for storylines.

    Re the cat tail language, Effing is smarter than you thought. He’s seen the diagram and is saying “Now interpret that, you silly humans.”

    1. Re: Effing, I’m not sure that’s a sign of intelligence or simply arrogance.

  9. Such sly humor. The bed “big enough for four…six if they were related”. And how beautiful she must be, to be prettier than his prize sheep. Love your wit

    1. In my mind, at least, Tresky is a great character. He’s such a naive young hick that he’s almost as unlikely a hero as Kathy was a romantic heroine in Thimbleriggers.

  10. Wow, he’s got it bad. Not sure how she’s going to resist him, with his silver tongue.

    1. He’s a real charmer, that’s for sure — which raises the question of why such a beauty is drinking wine with him in his hotel room.

  11. LOL! Oh my goodness, it takes Ed to write something that’s funny yet smart, something that makes us wonder what’s *really* going on in this story!


    1. Thanks so much O.L.W. In this scene in particular, it takes several pages for you to figure out what’s really happening … and even then, it turns out you’re totally wrong.

  12. Interesting concept and I hope the lady appreciates being compared to an ewe!

    1. It’s better than being compared to an ‘it’.

  13. Loved all of this, but the ewe compliment really cracked me up. I wonder how she’ll take it.

    1. What, you’ve never been compared to sheep? If you had, you’d know how she’ll take it.

  14. Great description! Also, thank you for the tail chart. I’m not a cat person so I’m not familiar with their moods. Now I know how my best friends cat will react (I think).

    1. Not a cat person? Oh dear, Amy — and here I thought you were so nice.

  15. Your snippets are always fun to read. So much packed in one neat little package. Let’s be friends!

    1. Why, thanks for the compliment, Stephanie. Effing does a good job of choosing snippet with a zinger at the end.

  16. I get the feeling he’s a goner. Love the over-the-moon description of her beauty. Effing, I think your tail is saying “feed me or die” but isn’t that what it always says?

    1. I’m not sure about ‘feed me or die’. Cats are more likely to pretend to be nice and loving when they want food … though you may have their inner thoughts right, come to think of it.

  17. The line about the ewe reminded me of a line from Psalms: “Your hair is like a flock of goats streaming down Mount Gilead.” (The bed reminded me of West Virginia — and before anyone yells at me, I have a friend from WV who would say the same thing.)

    It sounds like she’s trying to get him drunk.

    1. Love the associations you came up with, P.T. As for her intentions, why on Earth would a pretty lady go to a naive hick’s hotel room to get him drunk?

  18. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    I believe Effing Feline wants to be friends, and that Tresky is thinking naughty thoughts. Though, it doesn’t mean things get to that point. Intriguing snippet! 🙂

    1. Poor Tresky keeps trying throughout the whole book to ‘get things to that point’.

  19. Oh man…he has it bad.

    And comparing her to his ewe…well, he’s so romantic, how can a girl resist?? 😉

    1. Not just any ewe — a prize-winning ewe!

  20. Suzie Quint · · Reply

    Beauty is in the eye of beholder of course, but not sure I’d know how to take his comparison to the ewe.

    1. Ewe mean ewe would be tongue tied?

  21. Wow, he’s such a romantic. “more beautiful than his prize winning ewe.” Still, it’s better than being called a dishwater blonde. Yep, that was my husband. Think this is going to be hard work for this guy.

    1. Your husband probably meant the dishwater blonde comment in the best possible way — clean dishwater, before pots have been scrubbed in it.

  22. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    Wonder if she’ll be charmed. Love your ‘cat tail’ chart.

    1. Who wouldn’t be charmed by such a grand comparison?

  23. Not sure how I’d react to that – I hope she takes it in the spirit in which it was meant!

    1. Maybe she’ll ram her fist into his mouth? Or try to pull the wool over his eyes? Or run away, taking it on the lamb?

  24. chellecordero · · Reply

    Such a charmer, that one… “more beautiful even than my prize-winning ewe”. lol.
    Another intriguing tale.

    Talking about tails, Effing, why yes I’d like to be friends. One question though, how do cats communicate if they don’t have tails (like my daughter’s 1st cat)?

    1. Re tailless cats — they use Braille.

  25. nancygideon · · Reply

    I LOVE your character names, Ed! What delightful description and clever dialogue. Always enjoy your sneak peeks!

    1. The name Tresky Buffrum, once I pulled the two names from the file I keep of potential names, and then put them together, ended up telling me a lot about him.

  26. I love that he compares her to his ewe. Tresky sounds like a guy who needs some adventure in his life.

    1. Adventure is what he’s looking for, but remember that old saying: “Be careful what you wish for.”

  27. I don’t think most people like being compared to sheep. She certainly doesn’t seem to be warming up to him!

    1. It’s a one-sided lust-at-first sight.

  28. Good description and nice dialogue. Loved the cat pics.

    1. Thanks, Elaine.

  29. Nice snippet, i liked the dialogue, not so sure about the compliment 😉

    1. You mean you don’t consider Tresky a suave lady’s man?

  30. I’m in awe of this snippet. Great dialogue. Really getting to know the characters better.

    1. Ah, I understand. You’re saying it’s an awful snippet. ;-(

  31. Love the ewe comparison and the bed for the six if related. You always amaze me in word choices and the sly humor. Interesting snippet, and great descriptions.

    1. Wow. I actually amazed someone in a good way. I’ll go mark in on my calendar!

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