I, Effing Feline, write this weekly column for my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, aka Mr Valentine. Do you know why I, a mere cat with minimal education and even less ambition, love working for a writer?
Because I love his yarns.
Today’s snippet is the last from Thimbleriggers, a story in Future Love, Mr V’s newest release. Twenty-something pornographer Aldous has used an experimental device to buy, for resale, 90-year-old Kathy’s erotic memories. After the recording session, Kathy confronts him with the realization that he has fallen in love with her — and then with the bill for her husband’s medical procedure, which she wants him to work hard to pay.
Outside her apartment, Aldous rested his forehead against her door, overcome by a stench rising from his soul. Easier, far easier, to walk away and never return. Much easier than taking his medication, and working, and convincing Dad he’d reformed in order to pay a stranger’s medical bills. He wasn’t meant for the straight and narrow; he always wobbled.
But if he walked away—
Earlier that day, he’d been unable to imagine himself old. Now, it was easy. A vision of old age appeared, as vivid as one of Ebenezer Scrooge’s midnight visions.
Toothless, crippled by age, peeing his pants, alone in a cheap little apartment. Endlessly replaying the canned memories of the first and — unless he somehow managed to reform — the only woman he had ever loved.
Effing Feline here again. I feel sorry for Aldous. Maybe I’ll let him bat around one of my balls of yarn.
Mr V got a heartwarming Amazon review recently for The Midas Rush, the ‘oldest’ of his novels that’s still in print.
All Tresky Buffrum wants is a taste of adventure and freedom before resigning himself to the simple life of a shepherd. What he gets instead is a mysterious wife (determined to remain chaste!) who leads him to the Midas Crater, where some of the planet’s intelligent natives have been inexplicably transformed into gold. Can Tresky defeat the interplanetary conspirators—including his beloved wife—who seek to destroy the Midas Crater before its mysteries liberate humans from solitary confinement in their own minds?
The Midas Rush is a available at: