Effing Feline distrusts chuckling seniors

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Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, post this weekly column on behalf of my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, aka Mr Valentine.

Courtesy Deposit PhotosMy cousin Lee, who lives in a zoo, read about the weight gain I mentioned in last week’s post, and sent me a picture of him to inspire me. Thanks, Lee! I feel thinner just looking at you.

Today’s snippet will be one of the last from Thimbleriggers, a story in Future Love, Mr V’s new release. Young pornographer Aldous has used an experimental device to record, for resale, 90-year-old Kathy’s erotic memories … but while monitoring the memories, he’s fallen for her.

After the recording session, she wakens and Aldous pays her. (Edited slightly from the published version to fit the 10-sentence limit.)

Kathy looked at his face, then lower, at the stain on his slacks. She grabbed the bills, flung them at him, and said, “I hate you.”

The money fluttered through the air like obscene confetti — but before the last bills reached the floor, she labored to her knees to retrieve them. Aldous went down to help her. The top of her dress gaped away from her thin body … just like in the band room. He couldn’t tear his gaze away; her breasts were wrinkled and pendulous, but they were hers.

“You . . . you’re looking down my dress?”

He expected her to turn away like a shy eighteen-year old in a band room; when she didn’t, he continued to stare, eager for life to start all over again — but this time with him, not David.

Kathy slowly sat on the sofa like an achy old woman. She chuckled.

Effing Feline here again. Beware of chuckling 90-year olds! They’re probably thinking of an ancient I Love Lucy episode when they should be dishing out the catfood.

Again, Lee, my thanks. I’ll start exercising next week, I promise.  Maybe next month. Until then, I’ll look at your picture often.

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

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Future Love

The special introductory price of just 99c expires this coming Wednesday. If you haven’t gotten it yet, do it soon. Your wallet will thank you.

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  1. I love what an unlikely couple they are. There are so many possibilities for what’s going to develop between them.

    1. Some of those possibilities are definitely creepy. Just keep in mind that one of these two deserves to be taught a lesson.

  2. Chuckled? I wonder where this is heading …

    1. Good. That chuckle is supposed to get you wondering.

  3. Chuckling? Perhaps she doesn’t mind that he’s looking down her dress?

    1. Does the fisherman mind that the fish eats a worm?

  4. Oh my Ed! Where are you taking us? Not where we imagine, i will bet!

    1. Considering that I don’t know what you’re imagining, I’d probably turn down that bet.

  5. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    Wow, Aldous sure has some nerve. I wonder what Kathy has in store for him.

    1. Nothing that he’s expecting, that’s for sure.

  6. An odd couple but you’ve convinced me it’s at least possible. 🙂

    1. You know, that’s a great title for a story: The Odd Couple. I wonder if it’s been taken? 😉

  7. I hope she gets the money she needs.

    1. She’s working on it, she’s working on it.

  8. I hope the chuckle means she’s about to pull one over on him. Aldous doesn’t deserve a chance at love with a nice 90-year-old!

    1. Or with anyone, no matter the age!

  9. Hey, it’s cool for a younger man to desire an older woman. I like it a lot.

    1. So does Kathy … sort of.

  10. daezarkian · · Reply

    I absolutely love how playful this is, and that she chuckles…excellent choice of words, since that response can carry so much different meaning!

    1. You’re right — ‘chuckles’ is a nicely open-ended word.

  11. Wow, this is definitely not predictable in any way! You really have me intrigued. 🙂

    1. Unpredictable is good … as long as I can bring to story to a satisfying conclusion.

  12. Not what I was expecting to read. Interested to see where it goes from here!

    1. Ditto the response I just gave to Joyce. Thanks, Amy.

  13. I find the story a little sad. Aldous has fallen in love with the woman she was, many years earlier, not the woman she is now. He seems a rather dislikable man, and I’m not surprised she threw the money back at him, especially after he has jerked off to memories that presumably mean a lot to her. What I don’t understand is why she would want to sell her precious memories to someone like him. I have bought the book, so I guess I will now have to read the full story to get the answers. Excellent writing.

    And Effing, forget the treadmill. You have to walk about a zillion miles to get rid of a few extra meals. As Elizabeth Taylor once said, “A moment on the lips; a lifetime on the hips!” Practice some self-restraint next time Mr V is away. Either that, or just enjoy being fat.

    1. The range of reactions to this story is fascinating. Just today, people have described it as sad, playful, unexpected, and a slippery slope. At this point in the story I can see sad, maybe even tragic. Kathy’s all alone with overwhelming medical bills for a sick husband, while Aldous is a creep who can’t relate emotionally to anyone.

  14. He seems to have opened a Pandora’s box here!

    1. Indeed he has.

  15. I agree with Kim…this journey is sliding along a slippery slope!! I love the unique situation between these two. Great snippet. But geez, why did we have to have a treadmill pic? I’m trying to ignore the pounds I’ve been putting on during vacation. heh

    1. Rachel says above that a treadmill is hopeless for losing much weight. I’m inclined to agree. A lifestyle that’s active is the best way. Except … well … you and I are writers, and that isn’t exactly an active lifestyle. Sigh.

  16. On the other hand, she did sell her sexual memories for pornography. Surely she knew what men watching them would do?

    I do wonder what she has in store for poor Aldous…

    1. Sure she knew. You’ll notice, though, that while her first reaction was fury, her second was to grab the money, and her third was to chuckle. Several emotions are coursing through her at this moment.

  17. This is a woman who’s lived quite a life. I would expect her to be shy about much.

    1. Yeah, she’s kind of beyond modesty at this point in her life, especially since she’s so desperate for money that she’s selling her life, so to speak.

  18. I like how she’s not shying away from him. Or maybe she has other intentions? Either way, I like where things are going. I also like the treadmill pic.

    1. She’s hardly a kick-ass heroine, but yes, she has spunk. Also, a plan.

      1. Ah I she has a plan. Good stuff!

  19. Nice snippet! I would definitely be wary of a chuckling 90-year-old!

    Also, I love the inspiration for physical fitness from Lee 😉

    1. Thanks for the kind words about Lee’s picture — but even though I’ve looked at it numerous times, I don’t think I’ve lost an ounce.

  20. I like the way you’re smoothly flipping back and forwards in time (or memories).

    1. Thanks, but the real test of this would be the story as a whole rather than just snippets.

  21. I’d slap him a good one. lol. This is an interesting fictional study on the effect of possible future technology on the human condition.

    And yikes! It really demonstrates just how visual men are. 🙂

    1. How can that possibly surprise you?

  22. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    I’m curious to know where this is going. She’s no 18 year old innocent anymore. He might be surprised what she has in store for him.

    1. He might, indeed.

  23. And now we see that she has had just about enough of this guy. Good snippet.

    1. Yeah, she’s been a sex object long enough; time for her to take action.

  24. I’m sure Aldous isn’t the first creep to look down her dress. I wonder if she’ll find anything redeeming in him?

    1. Effing didn’t post the entire passage leading up to her first kiss in the band room with her future husband. It involved a quick peek down her dress; hence Aldous’s hope that her life-long romance would start all over, but this time with him. Of course, since she’s already 90, that’s an impossible hope, moving him from a vile creep to a tragically vile creep.

  25. It’s good that he can like her both in the memory and in the real world.

    1. Yeah, but is he really liking her in the real world, or just projecting his memories of her memories?

  26. Well I did not see that coming! I wonder just where this story was headed, it was certainly an interesting one. I can’t blame her for the raging emotions coming and going though seeing as why she did this. Love the description of the bills raining like obscene confetti!

  27. People can throw money like confetti at me any time they want to.

  28. I liked the chuckle and yes, I believe she has something he totally deserves in mind. We all like to see creepy get their just desserts. 🙂

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