Effing Feline demands salmon

Space cat-wewriwa

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

Last week I, Effing Feline, told you I had the DT’s because I ran out of catnip. Here’s was happened to me after that:

Effing in straightjacket

Photo by tosher, courtesy Deposit Photos

That’s right.  I was in an INSTITUTION, in a STRAITJACKET while I dried out.  (And before you ask — no, this is not my head photoshopped onto beautiful redhead, in a blatant plea for sympathy and salmon tidbits. Do you honestly think we cats can use Photoshop? Get serious!)

Today, another snippet from Escapee, the upcoming science fiction romance from my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, aka Mr Valentine. I’m skipping ahead a couple chapters.

Catt Sayer rescued Captain Hector Dukelsky, the only soldier who survived an invasion of a mining moon called Banff. He wants Catt to fly him in her airship to attack the enemy headquarters on the other side of the moon. Storms and volcanoes make the trip impossible, yet she agrees, certain he’ll abandon his mad plan after experiencing Banff’s fury.

Immediately following a close encounter with the wild winds caused by a pair of volcanoes, Catt pets a pet cat (I loved typing this phrase), certain that Hector will abandon his suicidal quest.

She stared down at the cat and spoke as though Hector wasn’t there. “After that experience he realizes, of course, that flying to the other side of the moon is too dangerous to contemplate. Right?” She looked up at him, her eyes narrowed and focusing on him like surgical lasers.

“The only thing I’m convinced of is that you’re a fantastic pilot,” Hector said. “I had misgivings before, but after seeing you in action, Miss Sayer, I … well, I can’t tell you how glad I am to have you along on this mission.”


Hector blinked. This woman sure didn’t accept compliments very well.

Effing Feline here again. I simply must insist that those salmon tidbits be fresh, not frozen or canned. See to it!

Read the snippets by other great weekend writing warriors and Sunday Snippets folks.\

I almost forgot. Mr V is looking for folks who might be interested in posting an honest Amazon/Goodreads/whatever review fairly soon after the April 19 release. If that’s you, Mr V can send you an ARC. (Whatever an ARC is. I’m pretty sure it’s not edible, so don’t get your hopes up.)

Sunday Snippets

<<  ===  >>

The African Queen in Outer Space

escapee smallerCatt Sayer just wants to survive.  The working-class fugitive delivers military supplies on her decrepit airship, but her hard-won livelihood vanishes when invaders overrun her harsh moon. And now an idealistic, upper-class officer wants her to risk her life on a hopeless voyage to attack enemy headquarters – manned by 10,000 soldiers.

Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station).  If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile environment, you’ll love Escapee.

Don’t let this rousing tale escape youPre-order Escapee today.



  1. Author Jessica E. Subject · · Reply

    Well, things didn’t exactly go as she planned. But, Hector seems very happy with her. Great snippet!

    1. Yeah, he’s quite happy with her skills. Catt, on the other hand, might wish she’d been a tad less skilled in her flying, except that if she had been, they’d both be dead. She’s not exaggerating about how dangerous the environment of Banff is.

  2. Great snippet, someone should tell her, though, you don’t drop hints with man, you have to tell them as it is …. 😉

    1. Unfortunately, he’s the kind who doesn’t listen very well.

  3. They will be flying to the moon, together, sounds romantic.

    Don’t worry Effing, I’m sending you a care package. I’m in Japan, we have plenty of yummy fishes!

    1. Effing here: But will the salmon still be fresh by the time it gets to Arizona?

  4. chellecordero · · Reply

    Darn, wouldn’t you know it, just when you are trying to be UNimpressive you come out looking like the best thing ever!

    1. Yeah, Catt’s plan didn’t work out as she hoped — just Humphrey Bogart’s plan to terrify Katherine Hepburn with whitewater rapids didn’t work. She LOVED going down the rapids, which I can completely understand. Better luck with Plan B, Catt.

  5. Ah Effing, inescapable consequences!

    I wise (man) friend once told me: never be good at something you don’t like doing. I think Catt might want to add “at something that might get you killed”. Although, in her defence, the same skills kept her alive… Maybe she needs to tweek her approach a bit… I dont know, like saying: NO, you crazy spaceman!!!

    1. She’s going to be much more forceful than mere words. Stay tuned!

  6. That last line made me laugh out loud and scare my rats.

    1. You can’t possibly leave me hanging and not explain “scare my rats.” If you do, you’re a very mean person.

  7. Oh my, I can so picture that first paragraph in my mind. I have cats. Sort of passive aggressive al la cat! Well done!

    1. I love that phrase “passive aggressive a la cat”. So true … and yet so much better than an openly aggressive cat.

  8. When your nemesis compliments you, of course you’re going to react oddly. Fun snippet. 🙂

    1. Especially when you expected–hoped!–you’d convinced him to give up his quest.

  9. Catt won’t get out of this one. I suspect she’ll be flying Hector’s suicide mission.

    1. As did Humphrey Bogart in The African Queen.

  10. Hector thinks he knows the way to a woman’s heart with that compliment. Ha! He doesn’t know who he’s dealing with. I loved Katherine Hepburn in The African Queen: Le Sigh.

    *Tell Effing I’ll see if Max can fish him up a fresh Atlantic Salmon.

    1. With the latest terrorism in Brussels, I’ll bring up one of my favorite factoids: Audrey Hepburn was born in Belgium. (Hey, it’s the same last name!) And speaking of Belgium, I’ve heard from my relatives over there that none of them were injured by the bombing in Brussels.

  11. Terrific as ever, Ed! That last line is a classic!

    1. Thanks, Steven.

  12. Funny. All of it funny and wonderful and yes, I pre-ordered your book and will def leave a rousing review with catnip and salmon. As for reviews, dear Mr. V, you purchased my book so please leave a 5 star for me. Huba,huba.

    1. Yes, consider me reminded, Charmaine!

  13. Catt’s in a no-win situation. If she’d flown badly she’d be dead. As she flew well, Hector’s going to insist on her doing more of the same. It’s a tough life being a good pilot! (oh, by the way, Effing – you make a lovely red-head…)

    1. Effing thanks you, Peter!

  14. Haha, not what she expected, I see. Loved this snippet! 😀

    1. No, she’d been hoping for a very different reaction.

  15. Loving this story — the most recent backfire is the best! I think I would have flown the mission, too. Forthcoming book looks GREAT!! I will request an ARC.

    1. Thanks, Madeline!

  16. Guess he should have known better when she was talking to the cat! LOL

    1. You’re probably right. Did she really expect a career army officer to back down out of fear?

  17. I bet you have been waiting for months to use the phrase “Catt pets a pet cat”! I have already bought your book, so will definitely be reviewing. (Can’t guarantee how quickly, because I have a mass of books tbr, but will def. review.)

    1. I completely understand. For a short while, I had my TBR pile under control. It’s now back to its usual mountainous chaos.

  18. Well, he certainly turned that conversation on its head! Love bringing the cat in on it, her talking to it but at him. And I do hope our fearless feline gets the salmon. Does the Easter bunny bring that?

    1. At this point in the book, there’s a lot of that in their conversations — they haven’t gotten each other’s measure, yet.

  19. Wonderful as always, Ed! Er, Effing. Er, Mr. Valentine. Oh darn, I enjoyed the excerpt so much I don’t even know who I’m talking to 😉


    1. Quite all right Owl. People with multiple personalities answer to all sorts of different names.

  20. Oops Talk about a plan misfiring! Love it. Also I’ve always thought there should be more cats in sci-fi 🙂

    1. Agreed about the cats, although this puss plays only a minimal role in the story.

  21. Of course she didn’t take that well. He sounded a little condescending, and she thinks he’s crazy. 🙂 Great scene.

    1. And they’re both partly right about each other, too!

  22. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    Enjoyed the snippet. Loved this line: “She looked up at him, her eyes narrowed and focusing on him like surgical lasers.”

    1. Kinda gives a new meaning to the phrase ‘cutting remark,’ eh?

  23. Love the passive-aggressive talking to the cat. But he pulled the rug out from under her. Fun times ahead!

    1. In hindsight, I think maybe Catt was hinting about the kind of response she wanted from him.

  24. The last line made me laugh. Nice snippet!

    1. Sheesh. Even when I’m trying to be serious, as in this story, people comment on my humor; that was my son/beta-reader’s reaction to this book, too.

  25. Give the cat a piece of fish!
    I don’t think it’s compliments she wants at this stage.

    1. No, but she would’ve loved “If anybody could fly us to the enemy it’s you, but I realize now it’s simply impossible.”

  26. Lol! I love this snippet! Talk about crossed wires:). Great excerpt!

    1. A lot of their conversations are at cross purposes. Don’t worry, though, they’ll get on the same wavelength eventually.

  27. Oh, no, not a straitjacket! Someone deserves plenty of treats for such a travesty.

    It’s that just the best reward for surviving? Being forced to do the crazy thing that almost got you killed again! Hope she can get out of it.

    1. By the end of the book? Sure. Before that? Well…

  28. I feel your pain, Effing. That happens to me when I run out of coffee. Great snippet, Mr. V. I don’t think subtlety is going to work on Hector. He’s a man on a mission.

    1. Man on a mission, yes — and he’s mistaken Catt for a woman on the same mission.

  29. elainecsc2013 · · Reply

    The last line is funny!

    1. Glad you think so, Elaine. Misunderstandings can be a lot of fun.

  30. Daryl Devore · · Reply

    Love the visual of the first paragraph – I’ve done that – talked to the cat about the other human in the room 🙂


    1. Yeah, it’s a marginally polite — very marginal — way of telling someone what to do.

  31. I love this story! I keep seeing them as updated versions of Katherine Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart! Keep the snippets coming!

    1. Yeah, except the genders are reversed.

  32. Daryl Devore · · Reply

    This is so full of subtle humour. Love it.


    1. /Again with the humor. I’m trying to be serious here!

  33. bonniegill · · Reply

    Oh boy. I think these two are going to give each other loads of trouble and fun.
    Great snippet! Get that effing cat some fish.

    1. Living in Arizona as we do, fish tend to be in short supply.

  34. Please don’t scratch my eyes out or anything, Effing, but I had two lovely fresh salmon filets this week – and I ATE them. I did offer a tidbit to our resident feline, Squeak, but she turned up her nose at it! She also doesn’t have a catnip habit, so maybe the two are connected…

    I love that Catt has – well, a cat. Life is better with cats. Or purrier. Or more dangerous. Or more rodent-laden. Or something.

    1. Hmm. I would think that should be ‘less rodent-laden’. Or does your cat bring home mice as presents?

      1. She does bring us gifts. Well, that’s what we could call them, if we’re being civil. Small mutilated corpses we have to deal with when she leaves them on the other side of the dog door, however, would be more appropriate.

        Of course, I once had a cat who deposited a live mouse in my lap while I was reading in bed.

        Maybe I shouldn’t complain about Squeak’s presents….

  35. Loved all of this, but especially this line: “focusing on him like surgical lasers.”

    Effing, we all know cats can get people to Photoshop for them!

    1. “we all know cats can get people to Photoshop for them” — uh, I didn’t know that. Does this mean that you’ve Photoshopped pictured for your cat? I’m sure there’s a story in this.

  36. “This woman sure didn’t accept compliments very well.” Lmao! Well, you may have been complimenting her, but if she’s experience and SHE says it’s a suicide mission, I think I’d be listening to reason and turning around, not trying to compliment. This guy’s a bit clueless, ain’t he?

    1. Obsessed is probably a better word than clueless. He really, really wants to believe this voyage is possible, so he’s convinced himself it is.

  37. I can hardly wait to read this, Ed! 🙂

    Will dehydrated salmon tidbits do for effing? I have a bag of such dog treats here that are taking up space on my shelf. I gave one to Leo (my Cocker Spaniel writing buddy) and he bit it in half, dropped it on the floor, sniffed it, then rolled in it, grinding that fishy smell into his shoulder. Needless to say, we are done with those treats. I should have known–they had sled dogs pictured on the bag. 😉

    1. My dog (yes, I have a dog, black, with no tail) turns into a champion sled dog as soon as we get within sight of the dog park. Unfortunately for Twiggles, there are no dog teams for her to join here in Arizona.

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