Effing Feline, NaNoWriMo # 2 (11/22/15)

Space cat-wewriwa

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, am in trouble with my pet human, Edward Hoornaert, aka Mr Valentine. Although I wrote up this post last week, thus earning a week’s worth of petting, I forgot to add a link to it on the Weekend Writing Warriors page, and so only a few people read it.

I feel bad about the mistake. Don’t tell Mr V that, of course; it’s bad for my image as a cat. I’m trying to make up for my mistake by using this post again, WITH the link.

The heroine, Dusty, is a tech writer working with alien Kwadrans on a interstellar spaceship prototype. A bomb has been planted in the ships’s machinery, and she thinks she knows where.  When she reaches the narrow tunnel, she finds a man trapped there.

His first words to her are, “Take off my pants.”

“You waste precious time,” he complained.  “My pants are caught on something and I can’t move; they’re unbuckled, but I haven’t managed more than that.  So pull my pants down, and hurry—that’s an order!”

“Order?”  If she laughed, she’d tumble head-first into hysteria and be useless, so she held herself to a nervous chuckle, instead.

“I’m staring at an Adidas shoe box jammed between some wires,” the man said.

Her chuckle died a gasping death.  “The bomb?”

“I think so.  Now pull down my pants!”

“Yes, darling.”

Effing Feline again. The mouthy heroine is a technical writer.  Mr. V was a technical writer. In my purrsonal opinion, he’s working absurdly hard to glorify his former profession.

Make sure you read the snippets by other great weekend writing warriors.

Alien Contact for Heroines will be Book 4 in the Alien Contact for Idiots series. Book 3 is currently with beta readers.

  • Alien Contact for Idiots
    What’s a woman gonna do when she’s quarantined for three weeks with an Out-of-this-World alien?
  • Alien Contact for Kid Sisters
    Fleeing bloodthirsty rebels, the queen’s sister finds a hero to save her … or is he kidnapping her, instead?
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42 comments

  1. “So she held herself to a nervous chuckle” – creates such a fresh and funny image in my mind. Very well done!

    1. I enjoyed the idea that she’s almost out of control, but holding herself together by the skin of her teeth.

  2. Just pull down his pants, woman! There’ll be time for courtin’ later, as long as the bomb doesn’t blow the two of you to smithereens.

    1. Yep, pulling down his pants is always good advice in a romance.

  3. chellecordero · · Reply

    Really, no pun intended (not in the slightest…), but ““I’m staring at an Adidas shoe box jammed between some wires,” the man said.” is certainly an attention getting quip.
    Can’t wait to see how this turns out.

    1. The bomb goes off, killing both my hero and heroine and aborting my novel in chapter one — not. But sometimes I feel like the book is blowing up in my face.

  4. LOL! Oh my goodness, this scene really made me smile. Thanks Ed!

    1. I enjoyed writing that last line: “Yes, darling.”

  5. Poor Effing, you are going to have to watch all your claws and whiskers for the next while!

    1. Yep. This is going on his performance review.

      1. Oh dear, good bye bonus!

  6. Missed you big time, dear Ed and now back to the “pull down my pants ” line. LOVE,love this uh snippet. Scary word to use when a bomb is about to explode.

    1. Their relationship is born in heroism, terror, and sexiness. To celebrate their brush with death, they do the dirty deed in chapter two. None of my usual slow relationship building.

  7. Everything about this excerpt works. And I adore effing and his commentary. You might be a bit rough on him. 🙂

    No snippet for me today.

    Have a good week, Ed. 🙂

    1. Rough on him? Hah! Obviously you haven’t seen the arms of my (virtual) chesterfield.

  8. She’ll only get a quick peek before he goes after the bomb.

    1. ‘Peek’ is such an appropriate word, given what she’s peeking at.

  9. Lorien Lyn · · Reply

    No need to ask twice, just do it Dusty! 🙂 Hilarious and entertaining snippet!

    1. I’m sure I’ll change my mind (I always grow discouraged about my work at a certain stage) but right now I feel this is one of my best ‘meet cutes’.

  10. Love the banter while under they’re under the gun so to speak. She just might find a loaded pistol in his pants 😉 LOL!

    1. Primed and ready to go off, perhaps?

  11. A highly unusual situation, loved the specificity of the brand name on the shoe box! You’re good with the details that make the scene vivid – great snippet!

    1. I’ve struggled with many things about writing, but details — never. In my first published novel (second one I wrote), the editor at Silhouette said nice things about my details … and believe me, she ripped into everything else!

  12. Love the mixture of humor and high, tight wire tension here. The last line cracked me up. Nice job!

    1. I’ve gotta admit, I enjoyed that last line, too — though it didn’t work for me until I went back and added the stuff about tumbling into hysteria. (Yes, I went back and edited, even though this is my NaNoWriMo WIP. So sue me.) Her jibe had to arise from overwrought nerves rather than a psychotic inability to feel fear.

  13. I often write the dialogue bits of a great volley, then, even if it’s NaNo, I go back and feel out what else is going on. I don’t so much consider it editing as doing the passage in pieces….

    Sheesh.

    Don’t say ‘pieces’.

    There’s a BOMB up there.

    Am I the only one who wants to know whether our pants-snagged hero is into boxers, briefs, or commando under there? Or whether the terror at a potential box bomb could lead to, well – significant shrinkage?

    Then again, if they seal the deal in Chapter Two, I’m guessing whatever sees after fulfilling her ‘yes, dear’ wasn’t an issue. 😉

    1. Inquiring minds want to know, eh? Since I won’t be excerpting the part from this passage that answers your boxer/briefs question, I tell you that the typical underwear for these male aliens is akin to a thong.

  14. Suzie Quint · · Reply

    This guy seriously needs to work on his technique if this is what it takes to get a woman to remove his clothes. *snort*

    1. I have to agree. Getting stuck while trying to reach a time bomb is carrying things to extremes.

  15. elainecsc2013 · · Reply

    LOL. Humor while looking at a bomb. Nice.

    1. Sometimes it’s either laugh or cry — or scream, or panic, or faint, or …

  16. That was fabulous – hard to write a “fun” scene while someone is looking at a bomb.

    1. Knowing me, it would be harder to right a completely serious scene while someone is looking at a bomb.

  17. hard to stay focused on the problem when someone is telling you to remove their pants 🙂

    1. It is a tad distracting, isn’t it?

  18. This whole snippet left me snickering. So fun! Thanks so much for sharing!

    1. Glad you enjoyed it Amalie. Love your name, BTW. I even wrote a novella inspired by the French movie of the same name: https://eahoornaert.com/2015/10/01/sfr-brigade-showcase/

      1. Thank you! I’ve still never actually seen the movie, but maybe one of these days… 🙂

  19. Hey, he has a good excuse–and not a lot of time.

    1. This meet-cute has ended up determining the course of my hero and heroine’s relationship more than any meeting in my other stories. I guess because it’s such a dramatic way to meet that it had to ripple through their relationship.

  20. This is one fantastic meet-cute. Even if there is a chance that they could very well blow up soon after, lol.

    Great snippet!

    1. In that case, the explosion could be a symbol for orgasm, right?

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