Effing Feline Is Hissed Off

Space cat-8 sentence

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short. Effing writes these Eight Sentence Sunday posts on Mr. Hoornaert’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, am hissed off.

For this week’s Eight Sentence Sunday, I wanted to continue with another excerpt from Escapee, an SF romance that Mr. Valentine (aka Edward Hoornaert) recently sold and which will be released early next year. I was just about to introduce the story’s heroic kitten, and I had a big speech prepared.

But no, Mr. V says I can’t do it! Insensitive meanie! He says he has a book coming out later this month that he wants me to promote, Alien Contact for Kid Sisters.  The hero, Quinn Lebatarde, is a small-time scam artist who does NOT own a cat. With no cats in this story, who cares?

Quinn stuck out his tongue at the policewoman and then, before she could demand his nonexistent business license, he upended the table, shattering priceless, phony carvings, knocking Squitt on her ass, and sending the twenty-dollar bills he held fluttering toward the ground. Quinn plucked the bills out of midair, kissed them, and ran.

Only a few steps, though. His escape hatch—he always had an escape hatch when pulling a scam—lay in the opposite direction, beyond where Squitt struggled underneath the table. Instead of escaping right away, though, he bent down to grab a mask and a totem pole that hadn’t broken. He shoved them in the White Sox fan’s arms and ruffled the boy’s hair.

“A gift, kid, from my world to yours.”

The delay gave Squitt almost enough time to lift the table off her, but Quinn shoved it back down and stomped across it, drawing satisfying oofs from the gendarme.

Boring without a cat, don’t you agree? But go ahead and check out the other posts for today’s Eight Sentence Sunday. Maybe they write about cats.

   [Ed Hoornaert here; Effing refused to write anything more, so it’s up to me to tell you that Alien Contact for Kid Sisters is a sequel to Alien Contact for Idiots. It stands alone, though, so you don’t need to have read the first book. Kid Sisters is available for pre-order on Amazon.]



  1. Poor Effing Feline!
    Priceless, phony carvings?
    I am going to love Quin, I can see.

    1. The book opens with Quinn trying to jack up the already-agreed-upon price for one of his cheap copies. He succeeds, though as you can tell from this excerpt, it’s his last sale before he falls headlong into the book’s adventure.

  2. I thought I would struggle to read a feline-free excerpt, but it was all right. (don’t tell the cat). Quinn sounds like a riot. I love scammers- fictional only, please!

    1. If cats were human, they’d make very good scam artists.

      1. Mine are pretty good at it in feline form. 🙂

  3. Yes, I like “priceless, phony carvings.” A very active sequence.

    1. “Priceless, phony carvings” kind of sums up Quinn at the beginning of his Odyssey toward being genuine.

  4. So much happening in this excerpt! And I can see all of it, thanks to your descriptions! Can’t wait to hear more about Quinn.

    1. Quinn’s one of my personal favorites, as well. Every culture has a sly trickster stereotype–Loki, Til Eulenspiegel, Raven, Coyote–and now Quinn, too.

  5. elainecsc2013 · · Reply

    Priceless phony carvings. What a great line.

    1. Thanks, Elaine!

  6. Quinn is quite the survivor, isn’t he? And yes, I definitely see the Loki in him. 🙂 Such a shame it has no cat, though. Great snippet!

    1. Thanks for stopping by, Jenna!

  7. Haha, I like Quin, he’s a hoot and a half. Not sure I’d trust him myself, though 😉

    1. Yeah, Quinn has a lot to learn before he becomes responsible enough to be worthy of the heroine’s love.

  8. normandiea · · Reply

    The rebel in me is enchanted with anyone who’ll stick their tongue out at a cop. I’m smitten with Quinn already.

    1. ‘Bad boys’ have a certain appeal, don’t they?

  9. Good action writing, Ed! Quinn is an interesting guy. The trickster… 🙂

    I confess to being thoroughly entertained by Effing’s introduction. No cats? Who cares. lolol

    1. Effing has grown on me, too. He started out as a one-time wonder, but now he’s out to take over the world. Or at least this blog.

  10. Ha! White Sox Fan, huh? Great writing, grab those $20’s. 🙂

    1. Quinn finds it useful to know the logos & names for sports teams, because the marks trust you more if you do. He doesn’t bother to learn anything about the games themselves, though.

  11. Karen Michelle Nutt · · Reply

    Wonderful imagery and what an introduction into the effing feline’s world. Loved it!

    1. Yes, Effing’s a nutty cat…so someone with your name would like him.

  12. You had me at gendarme…. I’d follow Quinn anywhere now.

    1. You like gendarmes, eh? This particular gendarme is no Clousseau (Pink Panther). She’s more like the relentless Javert from Les Miserables.

      1. Javert has his charms too… But I just liked the fact that Quinn “called” her that.

  13. Liza Barrett · · Reply

    Poor Effing Feline! Who DOES care about posts without cats?

    Lovely 8! I really like Quinn; he has quite the personality (and it sounds like quite the gig).

    ~ Liza @ Classy Cat Books

  14. Lol, great action and an intriguing character. I can’t wait to see more of Quinn! Great 8.

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