Effing Feline, March 1

Space cat-8 sentence

Now that I’ve done a few of these eight sentence Sunday posts, I, Fart-Fueled Flying Feline (Effing Feline for short), am a star!  That’s what Mr. Valentine, aka Edward Hoornaert, says–and he has no reason to lie, right?

Unless he’s trying to trick me into doing his job. Think that’s possible? Hmm.

No–with my charisma, I am definitely a star!

So I’m gonna write another blog post, which is hard work with paws instead of fingers. In my sublime feline wisdom, I’ve chosen a selection from Mr. V’s upcoming release (March 12, 2015), Alien Contact for Idiots, a near-future science fiction romance.

A duplicate of Vancouver Island mysteriously appears overnight. After Ell Harmon, a Seattle biologist, is sent to investigate, she contacts the not-of-our-earth humans on the island.  Here she is talking on her cellphone with an army colonel:

“Your pilot tells me,” Colonel Wikstrom bellowed in a parade-ground roar, “that you made contact with the aliens twelve minutes ago. Who the hell authorized such a stupid stunt?”

“The President of the United States.” Which was perhaps an exaggeration, but close enough for government work.

When Wikstrom fell silent, Ell enjoyed imagining him do a double-take. “I’m having one of my men check your claim,” he said, “and if you’re lying to me, ma’am…”

When Wikstrom spoke again, his manner had done a crisp about-face. “Have you learned anything yet?” he asked politely.

 Wanna help out a hardworking cat?? Add a comment or  like this post. I get one cat treat for each like and two for each comment. So please, purrty please…

Until next time, merow. (That’s Cat-talk for “feed me or else.”)

<<< — >>>

Read Effing’s previous post. And then be sure to check out the other writers
in the  weekend writing warriors’ Eight Sentence Sunday.

Breaking news: Alien Contact for Idiots is now available for pre-order on Amazon.




  1. I tweeted it too. Does that ear an extra cat treat?? lol

    I especially like this description: “…bellowed in a parade-ground roar,”

    This is a great snippet. The humor is bordering snarky, and it works. 🙂

    1. Thanks, Teresa. Yes, I’ll give Effing an extra cat treat for the tweet … though I suspect he’d prefer a tweety bird.

  2. Give that Effing Feline two treats from me. 🙂

    I love the title. Alien Contact for Idiots is an awesome choice!

    Sure hope she really is close enough on that President of the US bit.

    1. Effing thanks you, Kate. I just hope he doesn’t get fat.

  3. You’ve described their encounter well with so few words. I can see this is going to be a very amusing story.

    1. Actually, Alien Contact is mostly serious, but my sense of the ridiculous squeezes in from time to time. I recently sent off what I thought was a grim, gritty novel to Beta readers, one of whom said “Lance was hilarious.” (Lance being an android who appears in a few scenes.) Ah, well. Life is too short to take it too seriously, and when it’s at its grimmest is when we most need to laugh.

  4. Good thing the narrator didn’t throw an “And if I am not?”

  5. Always fun when the overbearing authority figure finds out he’s been trumped. Interesting excerpt today and I’m still very intrigued by the story’s premise.

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